Do you know people like this?
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  1. #1
    Registered User MissSeetonFan's Avatar
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    Default Do you know people like this?

    Growing up, for our birthdays, I think the most we ever did in our family was have a cake, maybe some ice cream, and sing "Happy Birthday." Some friends threw me a party for the first time when I turned 18. I was already away at college then. I never felt deprived or unloved for the lack of parties or anything. People still recognized my birthday at home, at school, friends at church, etc. That is the way I grew up and my parents grew up.

    My husband grew up having a family dinner that was chosen by the birthday person, cake, and presents, but still a low-key thing. We have celebrated our kids' birthdays with a combination of the two. Often, the in-laws will want to have a dinner or come down for cake and ice cream to help us celebrate. They'll bring some presents and we have some fun.

    We are getting ready to go to a birthday party for my niece on my husband's side. She is turning 1. This particular branch of the family has the idea that unless the birthday of the person is spent entirely focused on that person, party, cake, balloons, decorations, party favors, tons of people from all aspects of (usually the parents') life invited no matter how old the child/person is, then that person will grow up feeling unloved because "their day" was not spent like that.

    A few years ago, we were even up visiting my MIL on one of my kids' birthdays. We planned on having a cake to enjoy. Sing "Happy Birthday", etc. Our child didn't care. But they came over too, found out what little we were doing and freaked out. "Put everything on hold! We'll be right back!" They went out and bought everything they thought was necessary for a child to feel special on their birthday, and took over what was just going to be a nice quiet cake and dinner. They actually told us "You can't have a party with out these things. How will they know you love them?"

    Um. Maybe because I show it every day?

  2. #2
    Registered User Starlight9803's Avatar
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    my mother's family acts like a birthday must be some full-out celebration. My grandparents raised me, and we only had cake and ice cream, and I got to pick some where to go out to eat once I got a little older. DH and I just let our kids pick what is for dinner (restaurant of their choice or homemade dish that they want), we serve a cake and ice cream for dessert, and they either get a present they have been wanting, or get to do an activity of their choice (go-kart racing, camping, movie, etc) Needless to say, my mother's family is mortified lol.

  3. #3
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    Some kids do grow up resenting the fact that they never had a big birthday party.

    My parents rarely threw me parties with my friends, but all family were invited. This usually resulted in about 15 people at my parties. My sister was the same, my cousins were the same, and that was pretty much it for family children in our area. I enjoyed my parties, which was enough for me.

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  5. #4
    Super Moderator Spirit Deer's Avatar
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    I think if a kid feels unloved because they didn't have lavish birthday parties, then there's a lot more going on than a lack of lavish parties.

  6. #5
    Registered User MaryCarney's Avatar
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    It's worse than you think - because among my co-workers it's now your 'birthday WEEK'. And you expect to be entertained / fawned over for a solid week!! And these are adults.

    Just another brick in America's Self Esteem Monument I suppose........

  7. #6
    Registered User MomToTwoBoys's Avatar
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    Growing up, I can tell you that I don't remember any of my birthday parties. Like, none of them. My mother never made a huge deal out of it. With my husband, his family will bring presents and such and have a nice birthday dinner.

    Our kids, I make a big deal out of their birthdays. Why? I want them to remember it being the most awesome day of the year. Sure, I show them I love them every single day... but on a birthday, it makes it that much better. It shows that one day out of every year, I celebrate their birth in a way that's remembered for years to come.

    We do the special birthday dinner, the cake, ice cream, presents and things like appetizers.

    It's my way of making up for a lack of a birthday when I was younger.

  8. #7
    Registered User zakity's Avatar
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    We used to do a family party for the three of them when they were little. Now, we make what they want for dinner the night of their birthday and we take the three of them out to a buffet place (just once for the three of them) for their birthdays. Their birthdays are within two weeks of each other, so that made it every convenient to lump the birthday stuff all together.

  9. #8
    Registered User Contrary Housewife's Avatar
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    I know people for whom every event must be marked by celebration. Every birthday (new job, new baby, anniversary) of every aunt, uncle, nephew, niece and cousin celebrated with presents and a dinner (or two) in a restaurant. The whole family gathers, and if one person can't make it they're besieged with guilt trips from the rest of the family. Multiple birthdays in one month? That's ok, they have multiple celebrations.

    And then I hear about how broke they are.
    Stop trying to organize all of your family’s crap. If organization worked for you, you’d have rocked it by now. It’s time to ditch stuff and de-crapify your world.

    If you're not using the stuff in your home, get rid of it. You're not going to start using it more by shoving it into a closet.

    Use it up, Wear it out,
    Make it do, Or do without. ~unknown

    Because we, the people, have the power to build a better future. KH

  10. #9
    Registered User Libby's Avatar
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    Growing up, I remember being able to have like two neighbourhood kids over as well as my immediate family and we'd celebrate by playing in the 'play room' splitting a bucket of KFC (hello, 1 piece/person) and getting to eat one piece of this tasteless cake. Looks great but there was no taste except oily grease in the icing, not even traces of sugar in the cake.

    Now, my friends and I go out for dinner - sometimes I get to choose the type of food! Nothing big/fancy. Heck last year, I spent it packing up DH's condo and moving him down here. We survived the drive of death - ice storm, freezing rain, blizzard, sleet etc. 8 hrs of that - how could I NOT forget my birthday?!

  11. #10
    Registered User forHISglory's Avatar
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    Nothing like a good clashing of family traditions to get things rolling and boiling!

    I came from a family that made a big deal about birthdays. It was my special day, and I got to pick out what the supper menu would be (never went out to eat... ever...), and I didn't have to do my special chores that day. We played games, sang, had the cake, and I got a gift or two. Sometimes the grandparents would be there, but mostly it was just my big family. So it was BIG on the celebrating, but little on the gifts.

    Now hubby came from a different strain. His family gave a mound of gifts, ate a piece of cake, and the birthday was over. BIG on gifts and little on celebrating.

    So what happens when we married? heh heh heh.... Hubby's birthday came first. I planned a BIG surprise party: cake, music, fun fun fun. And I bought him a pair of socks as a gift.

    I thought it was a nice party, and a nice pair of socks. Hubs looked at the socks and said, "Where's the rest?" I told him that there was no "rest"; this was it for gifts. Whew! We had to have a very long talk on how to properly celebrate a birthday.....

    Anyhoo.... I hope that whatever you deem appropriate and desired for your birthday will come true for you!
    Spiritual:
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    1. Keep on writing.
    2. Get some balance in my life.
    3. Lose weight. Hopefully 20# this year.
    4. Continue to be looking for how God wants to use me this year.


  12. #11
    Registered User Neeley's Avatar
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    I guess I am "one of those people" because every birthday I had growing up was an event. Whether we had my party at a venue like the skating rink, McDonald's, miniature golf course or I had it at home with a sleep over or swim party, we typically invited the entire family, my classmates, and friends from extra-curricular activities. It was always something out of the ordinary.

    DH and I have done the same for our kids. We've done the skating, swimming, sleep-over, hotel night, hibachi dinner parties, paint ball, ice cream parlor/party house parties, etc...Lots of guests, lots of fun, lots of laughs and lots of memories. As the kids got older, we requested no gifts from their friends. Some respected our wishes and others brought a gift anyway. Either way, we were just happy to have everyone celebrating together.

    I know my parents love me, but not because they threw me big parties. Just as our kids know we love them and it is not because of the parties we have thrown them. I know my parents love me every single day of my life just as my kids know I love them every single day. But, I like making the day they were born, the day they came into our lives a bigger deal. Their birthdays are the most important days of my life.

  13. #12
    Registered User annymoll's Avatar
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    We had wonderful birthday parties! Mom loved to bake and she would make us our favorite cakes( I love Red Velvet) and we would also have home made ice cream.We had sleepovers and campouts and swim parties and horseback riding. We had presents, some fancy, some simple.All our friends, family and neighbors attended.It was loud, it was noisy and it was festive.I continued that tradition for our own children, and we host parties for our grandchildren.I like birthdays!!

  14. #13
    Registered User zakity's Avatar
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    My guys get cash for their birthdays and I make them make their own cake. And, they have to decorate it themselves also. I figure it is practice for being an adult (making a cake and learning how to decorate it). We have had some pretty ugly cakes. But, they were so proud of it because they made it themselves.

  15. #14
    Member Darlene's Avatar
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    My kids always had b'days at home and always with just family. It was a time for the family to get together and to celebrate. B'day boy/girl chose dinner, were sang to loud & off key as possible (family tradition ) and they did get a few presents. Somehow they are coping in their adult lives.

    Every family is different and you need to do things the way you see fit and without guilt. Let 'em eat cake if they don't like it.





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    Registered User nodmicks's Avatar
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    When my kids were younger we had full out birthday parties with the whole class etc + family. We might have 30 people. It was fun . As they go to be teens it is just a small family affair and they can pick a place to go out to dinner. As teens they really don't care any longer.

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