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Thread: Having some issues...
08-27-2004, 09:35 AM #1
Having some issues...
Hi ladies! I'm having some pretty serious issues here and I just know that you all are so supportive and will surely help me feel better about it! It's in your nature.
Anyway, it's a lonnnnnnng story!...
My fiance' has a BS in Computer Science, and has worked several programming/tech jobs since his graduation. Well Ohio has suffered majorly when it comes to tech jobs so we ultimately had to move back to his hometown, directly next door to his parents, so that they could help us get it together. He thought he had a programming job lined up when we moved up here, but it fell through because the company didn't have room in their budget to pay him. UGH, why interview him and get ready to hire him, then turn around and say you can't afford it?? ARGH.
Well, we've been living next door to them for about a year and 1/2. They bought this house, and are renting it out to us. It's not my first choice of locations, but it's a place to live, ya know?
Yesterday Ron went next door to take their trash cans out to the curb for them, and they called him into their house. They told him that if we can't start paying them full rent on a monthly basis, then they'll have to sell the house... which to me, means we're outta here.
Ron has been struggling soooo much with finding a good job... he drives almost an hour away (one way) to work everyday, and only makes $9.14/hour. With the car payment (it's about $365/month - he bought that car when he was programming and making really good money), and the rent payment... plus insurance, fuel, etc.... it's just not working at all.
I've been looking for jobs around here too, but this area is just so run down!! Hardly anyone's hiring because of it! And I can't find anything that'll be conducive to my schedule with Hannah and her preschool, either. I really don't like taking handouts and such, so I feel bad about this whole situation and not having a job, but what can I do?
Here's the deal. They bought this house before we even said anything at all about moving in. So they had to have known that they were going to be paying for it for awhile, anyway (it needed a TON of work, and still does!!). Well, I can completely understand them saying they need full rent and all... I totally understand that. BUT, they say it's because they're broke and they can't afford it. Meanwhile, they're saying all this while their TV is on the Jewelry Network and QVC on picture-in-picture! They also have FOUR vehicles for just the two of them (one is in our garage), and they're still making payments on 3 of them. They are jewelry and Nascar freaks, so I see UPS there AT LEAST once a week, dropping off jewelry and those die cast cars, which can get really expensive (especially when they're autographed!). Sometimes she even has it dropped off here, so Ron's dad won't know about it! They are constantly blowing their money on just miscellaneous junk anyway! That's not even scratching the surface. Well right after Ron came back home and told me all this about selling the house, the phone rings and it's his mom asking what size clothes and shoes Hannah wears b/c she's going shopping. I'm thankful for that, but come on!!!
Everyone's allowed to have their own hobbies and spend their own money how they feel, but I just find it strange that they'd offer to help us out so much and so often (they're always picking up stuff at the grocery store and stuff for us) and then turn around and say that they'll sell the house within the next few months if we can't pay them fully. Well obviously we're struggling! This is no happy-fun-time for us, either! Look how far he drives, what kind of car he drives, and look at how much he makes. It doesn't work! His mom makes $25/hour. Ron technically got promoted to the IT department but it won't go through for a little while (a few more months, probably) because we have to wait on his security clearance to finish. His parents know that, and it makes us sad because it's like they're not even thinking of that.
(whew... this is long!)
Well Ron and I both had VERY tough times with our past relationships. Ron even had to go through bankruptcy last year because his ex just tore him up. There was just no way for him to pay everything back, even when he was making really good money.
So one big problem I see is this... if they do sell this house and we do have to move, how are we going to be able to find a place that'll accept us and our credit? Especially when Ron's only making $9/hour! We struggled a little with apartments before, but we were able to do it 1) because he hadn't declared bankruptcy yet and 2) they were apartments that were the same company as the complex that I'd been in for a few years already, so we just transferred. Also, since we obviously can't really afford to live here, how are we going to pay for rent, which we legally HAVE to do??
I have been super-stressed out since we moved here, and so Ron gets stressed because he feels like there's nothing he can do to make me happy and less-stressed.
And to top it all off, Hannah's daycare/preschool just told me last week that her dad hasn't paid them yet, and she's been there since the middle of June!
And because of all of these issues, and then some, Ron and I still haven't been married (we've been engaged for almost 2 years). We just can't do it right now!
I'm sorry this is so long ladies, but I just HAD to vent. I'm feeling very tight and bottled up, very stressed and confused. ANY advice, at all?
08-27-2004, 09:44 AM #2
- Rep Power
Wow, what a lot to deal with. Would his parents at least co-sign to help you guys get into an apartment? I don't have any great advice, but, just wanted to send along some hugs!
08-27-2004, 12:06 PM #3
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Amanda it is a lot to deal with and all at once. I don't have specific advice for you and hope you won't take this the wrong way but it's been my experience that it's always better to be independant of the parents/inlaws for family harmony. It's so easy to resent things when you're tied so closely. Just always remember that we truly are NOT victims or hostages to our situation. We can always change things, opportunities are everywhere.......it's just seeing them that is the hard part. I hope you find a way to feel less helpless. My first suggestion would be to go to the library and read The Tightwad Gazzette if you haven't already and then move on to Dave Ramsey. He offers a lot of advice and has been there and done that too.
I'm sorry that this is such a difficult time for you.....we've all had some of those and probably have some to face in the future even. My personal solution is always to work, and I mean hard physical WORK through this sort of stuff. Makes me feel less victimized and more in control....if that makes any sense at all. Have faith, look around you.....answers are there for you.
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08-27-2004, 12:54 PM #4
I'm sorry that you are going through so much at the moment. Is there any way that you could move closer to your fiancee's work and you possibly get a job near there also? I think it ultimately would reduce lots of stress for both of you. Your future in-laws sound like shop-a-holics and they are not going to change soon. Their spending will catch up with them and they most likely will have to sell the house that you are living in anyway to cover their debts.
I think you have gotten some great advice here already and I would second all of them. You need to cut costs and raise cash quickly so that you can have a security deposit for a new place. Hold a yard sale, do babysitting, whatever you have to do to raise that money.
I'll be praying for you!
08-27-2004, 12:56 PM #5
08-27-2004, 01:07 PM #6
Thanks, y'all! I just REALLY needed to vent! I know it's a lot to think about, and I know eventually everything will be OK, but sheesh! It's just a TON to have on your plate at once, ya know? We're workin' on it.
08-27-2004, 01:33 PM #7
- Rep Power
I agree with what the ladies have already said but wanted to add my you can work this out to the bunch.
08-27-2004, 02:02 PM #8
- Rep Power
Can you move closer to the town so he won't have that long commute. You have to move anyway, right? When the high price of gas these days you may come out better. If you moved closer to his current job there may be more job opportunities for you. I don't know why money would stop you from getting married. If you got married you may qualify for some government help. You could get into subsidized housing (Section 8).
08-28-2004, 07:06 PM #9
- Rep Power
I'm so sorry you are going through so much. Have you ever listened to Dave Ramsey on the radio? He offers some excellent advice to people in tight situations. His car payments sound high, is there a way he can sell his car for perhpas a little more than the amount owed, and get a cheaper car? It's definitely possible to find a reliable used car for not a bad price. You've gotten some good advice from these ladies. I too would try to move if at all possible. You're finace's parents sound a little like my fiance's parents. His dad makes great money (like $70k a year), but they have squat to show for it. Hope things get better for you soon. Take care!
08-29-2004, 10:09 AM #10
Sorry to hear about these problems in your life Amanda, I do hope everything turns out OK for you!
08-30-2004, 11:01 AM #11
I'm so sorry you have to deal with your husband's family in this way. DH and I stayed with my parents for almost a whole summer (because we were moving) and that alone drove us insane and we almost got divorced, but we knew that we needed to get away as soon as we possibly could! The advice that these wonderful women have given you is really great! Keep working, saving and get out as soon as you can! I love my parents but we cannot live close to them. They have much more respect for us having to start over on our own without their help anyway. I have never asked my parents for anything because I don't want to be that resentment if something doesn't work out. You can do it. It will be tough, but you can! I wish you the best with everything that happens!!
08-30-2004, 11:31 AM #12
Yes, I've pretty much come to the conclusion that there's no way we can stay here for too much longer. It just causes too many issues to have his parents so close! I'm a fairly private person, so things just start heating up if I start to hear things about myself "through the grapevine"! Ron's aunt & uncle live across the street and his sister & her family live 3 doors up. It's like gossip central around here!! That, to me, gets REALLY old.
Thank you all soooo much! I'm feeling a bit better... much less overwhelmed!
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