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Thread: Need some advice
06-15-2005, 10:50 AM #16
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Hope it goes better.
Don't expect too much with the alcohol and tobacco thing. Few people can just quit things like that cold turkey even when they want to do so. They are very powerful addictions if you fall under them and are not just using moderately.
I'm sure fear of failure plays a big part in his covering it up. I'd say just give him time to get over it and let him know the lying hurt you and that he doesn't have to do it. You understand if it is harder to quit that he thought or if he just doesn't want to do so and did it only because you seemed to.
Just my 2c. I'm sure it will get better for you.
06-15-2005, 02:23 PM #17
I am sorry that you are having lying and trust issues with your DH. Others have given great advise. My DH and I both quit smoking several years ago, but at different times because we had to go at our own pace, but we have never lied to eachother about our habits. Habits are hard to break an lying can become a bad habit as well. I hope he can really open up to you and that your relationship can grow from trust once again. It may take some time. I wish you the best!
06-15-2005, 04:45 PM #18
Thanks everyone. He did open up to me last night, I guess after the truth was uncovered. We have always considered each other as our best friend. I hope we can get back to that point. He is wanting to check into a new accupuncture treatment that is helping with nicotine addiction. Thanks for the input and all the hugs and prayers!!
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06-15-2005, 11:10 PM #19
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I would offer him support as he tries to quit the dipping and drinking. Let him know you hope he can do it but that it is completely up to him. I would concentrate more on opening lines of communication and rebuilding trust. I would also tell him to please not drink in the truck or car. I am sure he just didn't want to disappoint you. I am trying to lose weight and when I eat something I know I shouldn't I am so disgusted and ashamed of myself. I really dont want my DH to know that I did it again. I am sure he feels the same way if he has any chew. Hugs and hugs to you!
06-16-2005, 01:47 AM #20
Quitting tobacco is hard...one of the hardest things there is. I've been smoke free for a year and 1/2. It took a year of "trying" before I finally made it. I hid it from dh when I "failed"...why? Because I didn't want him to be disappointed in me again.
The last time I pulled myself up by my straps was because he "found me out" and I was determined I wouldn't hurt him like that again! And it did hurt him. I love him, but nicotine is a seductive bedfellow. Only a reformed smoker can understand how strong the addiction is...
In the end, it had to be a choice I made for me. I want to live to be his wife and be a mother to my children. I want to breath thru my nose instead my mouth because my sinus is clogged. I want to smell flowers and taste food without thoses senses being dulled by smoke. I want to smell good...and I want my dh and children to be healthy instead of dying from 2nd hand smoke.
BTW...both of my children stopped having ear infections after I stopped smoking around them.
Dh and kids are proud of me for quitting...but more importantly...I am proud of me! I know I am stronger than the death stick.
You need to sit down and talk w/ your dh...tell him you love him but that his lying has hurt you. It was not the way to go. Also tell him you are there for him if he needs you...quitting alone is hard. Support him if he asks for it, but don't let him think it's ok to lie.
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