trying to come to terms with the way things are
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    Registered User Dancing Lotus's Avatar
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    Default trying to come to terms with the way things are

    I think I am preparing to move. I have really been cleaning out the house. It just doesn't look like we are going to be able to prevent foreclosure.
    This moving thing is a mixed bag for me. We bought this house planning to raise our kids here. I have liked it here and we have built ourselves a community of friends. Lately I find myself wishing we could have our first house back. It was small but it was cute, it was home and it was paid for.

    Frankly the expenses of this house has caused our family to change our lifestyle more then we are comfortable with. We are what is known as "house poor". It has also put me just a few miles too many away from my mom, whom I adore and love dearly. I just didn't know how much until she wasn't around when I needed her.

    We have been in a long battle to keep in this house and yesterday I got word that things aren't going our way. There is one last option but in the end it may leave us broker then we already are and I'm not so sure it wouldn't make things worse. I keep thinking of all the benefits of leaving and there are a ton of reasons to and only two reasons to stay.

    1. I hate the thought of upsetting the kids by changing schools and loosing neighborhood friends. Yes we could stay in the area to relieve this problem but if we have move it's best to move closer to family and my husbands work, these things will benefit us tremendously.

    2. The shame of explaining to my parents why we had to move. I know that isn't a real reason but you don't understand my parents. My mother will worry herself sick, she will cry about us in silence and won't sleep. My father will try to save the day and solve all our problems. He ALWAYS knows better. They know nothing that is going on right now.

    Two years ago we fell behind and have been paying a modified payment since. Things were going along fine and we would have been just fine if the bank hadn't sold the mortgage before the final paper work was done. Long story short we fell between the cracks somewhere. And now we are screwed!

    Im not sure where I am going with all of this, I just needed to talk about it as to date this has been strictly between my husband and I. I got the formal letter yesterday but didn't' even mention it to hubby as he was very late at work and was not in a good mood when he got home. His work place is going to have a press announcement today that they have been sold. This is stressing him , who knows what will happen with jobs.

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    I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this Ann. I hope the future is brighter once this is all over with.

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    Registered User BeachBaby's Avatar
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    Hugs!! I am so sorry you're having to go through all this.

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    AnnK, could you not just tell your parents ya'll want to move closer to them and not go into details.

    Trust me, my child that doesn't like change would be okay with us moving closer to mamaw.

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    Registered User Dancing Lotus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ansley View Post
    AnnK, could you not just tell your parents ya'll want to move closer to them and not go into details.

    Trust me, my child that doesn't like change would be okay with us moving closer to mamaw.
    Well that was my plan but they will ask questions. They will ask about the house. Did we sell it, how much did we sell it for, ect. And my dad will look it up for himself.
    And your right about the kids, they love there nana and papa. If I can come up with a few reasons that interest them it will certainly make it easier. It's just that I moved a lot as a kid and sometimes I hated my parents for it. I didn't want to do that to mine.

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    Registered User Momto5RN's Avatar
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    so sorry
    Its happening to so many right now- its in the news etc so maybe it wont be as hard to explain to them as you think ? Or at least not as big a shock ?

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    Registered User andrew's mom's Avatar
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    This end could be the beginning of something wonderful for you. I know it's hard to keep up your hopes but do anyway. God only takes something away to replace it with something even greater.
    Many hugs to you and your family.

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    Registered User nodmicks's Avatar
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    Ann I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. Hang in there. I understand what you mean about your Parents worrying. My Mom is the same way. HUGS!!!!

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    I'm always trying to hide things from my mother to save her the worry, and she's always upset that I don't confide in her. Apparently she prefers to share my burdens rather than be spared from them.

    How much of the weight that you're feeling right now is from the situation itself, and how much is from the secrecy surrounding it? I think you'll feel better if you are upfront with your parents about what's happening.

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    Registered User Syn D's Avatar
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    My best wishes are sent your way!!

    Consider this a learning experience.. We moved with our 2 youngest 8 hrs away to open a business, we did ok, but had to many bills following us, so after 2 years we had to close.. We have stay'd here and have had no regrets or feel like we failed when it comes to the business. We enjoyed it while it lasted and met some great people. Paul already had another job a few month before we closed, so we didn't worry about that and in 5 months time he became a supervisor..

    When the time is close, just sit your parents down and explain everything, but give them all to pros of you being able to move, tell them it's saddening, but a good thing and that ya'll will be just fine, as you will be.. Let them know that being away from them was harder on you than you thought it would be and you really want the kids around family, etc... Plan time with your mom so she can see your doing fine and that should ease her worries.. Don't beat around it, if they find out the truth later and things usually come out, might hurt more..

    If your kids are still young they will adjust fine especially being around family, we moved a lot before my oldest 2 got in to high school and they were fine..

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    Registered User celina's Avatar
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    i went through this in 2004..we did a bankruptcy and gave up the house..

    i feared my mom..she did ok...
    my dad surprised the HECK out of me and said if millionaires can declare bankruptcy i can to....and to not let it get us down
    dh's dad was ashamed....
    dh's mom who's a banker was not impressed but was ok...

    ended up well as my husband lost his job the following year and we would have lost it anyhow....friends of ours in that small town, have tried selling their house for 8 YEARS!!!! the price is literally half of value...just enough to cover the mortgage after they max out all the credit lines...and it still won't sell , it barely rents...


    hang in there...life's lesson and move on...sit with your parents and tell daddy he can't save you...nothing to do...but he CAN support you...and tell mommy to not make herself ill or you'll not be honest with her again...but to give you the emotional not judgemental support you need...and you move on,..

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    jas
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    Hugs to you and you family. How far from you do your parents live from you now?

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    Registered User lisaflex's Avatar
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    sending good wishes your way. hopefully brighter days are to come in the neart future.

    dont worry about your parents...this is you, your husband and childrens lives. you do the best that you can.

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    Registered User Dancing Lotus's Avatar
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    Thank you for all the hugs everyone.

    Here is a better explanation of what happened
    in June of 2009 we did a loan modification lowering our paying from nearly 1400 to 950. From July of 2009 until May of 2010 we sent the payments of 950 on time every month via an electronic payment. For 11 months we never heard a word from Metlife. As far as we knew all was well and good. On June of 2010 we received a letter from another bank saying that they have acquired our loan and will be our new lender. Along with that letter was a check for our last payment stating that it was not acceptable because it was insufficient. They said they wanted 1,400 a month plus we back owed for the last 9 months ! Stating that they had no record of us having made any payments for 9 months. Metlife claims they have no records. Thank god we do and can prove we sent the payments. But there is still a problem ,those payments weren't enough and they still want the 400 for each month it was short plus late fees and penalties. It's ringing up into the thousands real fast.
    So the new lender said they would halt everything and we applied to do a modification with them.

    That brings us to the letter I got yesterday stating that we didn't qualify for the modification. Tonight after 1.5 hrs on hold we finally got to speak to someone and they said that the reason we didn't qualify for the modification was because metlife ( the previous lender ) had stopped the previous modification just days before selling our mortgage to the new lender. Once you start the process you can never apply again.

    The good news is they do have some other options they are trying to fit us into. We will know in 90 days wither or not we can keep the house. In the mean time Metlife has not heard the last from us. At the very least they did something unethical and and worst case illegal. I still can't wrap my head around all of this , it's hard to believe isn't it?

  16. #15
    Registered User lisaflex's Avatar
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    move on from metlife and just focus on the new owner of the loan. just a bit of advice. water under the bridge is just that....have all your records and bank stmnts ready to overnight and fax...do both even though they ask for one...that way, there is no way they can come back and say they are missing something...keep your chin up and think about the future whatever it may be...again, best wishes...

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