Men's Rules
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Thread: Men's Rules

  1. #1
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    Default Men's Rules

    I thought these were pretty funny.



    Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

    Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present again!

    Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

    Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

    Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

    Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

    We don't remember dates. . . .Period!!

    Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

    Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

    Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

    Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

    If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

    If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We've been tricked before!!

    If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

    Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

    You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

    Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

    Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

    The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

    ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

    If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

    We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

    If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

    If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

    Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

    Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)

    BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

    Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know, it's like camping.

  2. #2
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    That is really funny!

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    Registered User Frugal Nurse's Avatar
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    PUT THAT DAMN SEAT DOWN!!

    LMFAO!!
    That was hysterical!!

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    Registered User Moor's Avatar
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    love the siggy! dh! lol

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    Registered User annymoll's Avatar
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    Thanks for the chuckle this morning!!!Number 10 is my favorite.

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    Registered User janis362529's Avatar
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    Hmmm hubby was laughjing more then me I think I will have to learn these guy's rules some more. LOL

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    LOL
    thanks for sharing!

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    Registered User frugal_z's Avatar
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    Talking Amen, brother, amen.

    Nice post.

  10. #9
    Super Moderator Darlene's Avatar
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    Thanks for the help! Only good manners that I should help you out too.
    Women's Rules for Men

    1. The female always makes The Rules.
    2. The Rules are subject to change without prior notification.
    3. No male can possibly know all The Rules.
    4. If the female suspects the male knows all The Rules, she must immediately change some or all of The Rules.
    5. The female is never wrong.
    6. If the female is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was the direct result of something the male did or said wrong.
    7. If Rule 6 applies, the male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.
    8. The female may change her mind at any time.
    9. The male must never change his mind without the expressed written consent of the female.
    10. The female has every right to be angry and upset at any time.
    11. The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.
    12. The female must under no circumstances let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.
    13. The male is expected to mind read at all times.
    14. The male who does not abide by The Rules cannot take the heat, lacks backbone, and is a wimp.
    15. Any attempt to document The Rules could result in bodily harm.
    16. If the female has PMS, all The Rules are null and void.
    17. The female is ready when she is ready.
    18. The male must be ready at all times





  11. #10
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    haha, nice Darlene

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    Registered User Tater's Avatar
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    Too funny!! I'm printing that out and putting it up in the break room at work!!

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    Registered User larabelle's Avatar
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    Too funny...thanks so much for sharing!!!

  14. #13
    Registered User pqb57's Avatar
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    that was really funny,and Darlene, go girl.

  15. #14
    Registered User C@rol's Avatar
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    Talking

    Funny. Must show to dh. :crofl:

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    Seems like a good time to bump this one.


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