Disorganized family members costing money

**2ndGenGranola** · 12-13-2010, 07:40 PM

AND humiliating me. GGRRRRR.

I am an extremely organized person, everything has a place and should be in its place. My husband is the polar opposite. I honestly do not know how he makes it to work each day. He has passed his vice on to our children. We now cannot leave the house with one of the four forgetting/loosing something (usually something high dollar - cell phone (DH), coat (DH and kids), Bible (Kids), swim towels (kids on swim team), RX glasses, I could go on. I buy them backpacks, bags, briefcases...to keep their stuff they need in but not a one of them will make it work - DH especially. Just this month, we have lost a good $200 worth+ of items. I have cut back on buying/replacing stuff other than things I just have to. Even going through a checklist doesn't seem to work for them.

I'm sick of wasting my time looking for stuff and retracing our steps all over town looking for the item. Other then duct taping every blasted thing to their person, do you have any ideas????

**mauimagic** · 12-13-2010, 07:48 PM

This may be hard for an organized person to hear - but sometimes natural consequences is the only way to go. You certainly are not going to spend the rest of your life straightening out their messes and/or lack of organizational skills - so when does it end for you?

**ruderring** · 12-13-2010, 08:09 PM

Well said MM. I agree totally. Natural consequences are the best way to go. If it is glasses or something like that I would make them work them off or pay for them with their own money if they are old enough and have a job. They will learn real quick. Sorry bummer. There is a great book out there called Love and Logic. It is a very good read. They have several different books. Some for teens, younger children and even teachers. It totally works.

**Natalie's Nesters** · 12-13-2010, 08:29 PM

Sorry you deal with this! My husband is the same way! I gave each family member a basket, when I find something, I throw it in the correct basket or the "junk" basket. I told my kids if they loose it, you pay for it!! Good Luck!

**ladykemma2** · 12-13-2010, 08:46 PM

i have ADD as a 47 year old adult. i pack my bag and get everything ready the night before.

i stopped losing/forgetting things this way. i also unload my pockets, cell phone, and purse in exactly the same spot everyday so i know where stuff is.

eyeglasses should be on their face as they leave in the morning.

**ladykemma2** · 12-13-2010, 08:49 PM

Originally Posted by 2ndGenGranola

AND humiliating me. GGRRRRR.

I am an extremely organized person, everything has a place and should be in its place. My husband is the polar opposite. I honestly do not know how he makes it to work each day. He has passed his vice on to our children. We now cannot leave the house with one of the four forgetting/loosing something (usually something high dollar - cell phone (DH), coat (DH and kids), Bible (Kids), swim towels (kids on swim team), RX glasses, I could go on. I buy them backpacks, bags, briefcases...to keep their stuff they need in but not a one of them will make it work - DH especially. Just this month, we have lost a good $200 worth+ of items. I have cut back on buying/replacing stuff other than things I just have to. Even going through a checklist doesn't seem to work for them.

I'm sick of wasting my time looking for stuff and retracing our steps all over town looking for the item. Other then duct taping every blasted thing to their person, do you have any ideas????

stop doing it. if they are teenagers it's not your problem.

**thefrugaltribe** · 12-13-2010, 08:52 PM

I know my father was like this with his wallet and various other things.

In the end his wallet was taken away from him and mum controlled the money.

It was a high price to pay but in the end I think he lost thousands of their money losing wallets...

I agree with the above...if they cant look after their things then they cant have them.

**Darlene** · 12-13-2010, 08:57 PM

Yep. let them sink or swim. It's time for them to step up and take responsibility. I'd leave without them if they are not ready. As many times as it takes them to be responsible is how many times I'd just carry on without them. No matter what their "disability" they have choices to make and they aren't caring enough about others time or money to make it worth your while to pick up the pieces in their wake. Let them deal. Tough love time,they need to find their own way to cope.
Big hug!

**MissSeetonFan** · 12-13-2010, 08:57 PM

Originally Posted by ruderring

I would make them work them off or pay for them with their own money if they are old enough and have a job. They will learn real quick.

Amen! Teach them to budget at the same time and then see how much they will appreciate their things and be more careful. If they truly are disorganized, do some research to see what others have done to make themselves become more organized and see if you can't teach it to them or have them learn that for themselves as part of the earning it back.

**AmyBoz** · 12-13-2010, 09:26 PM

I gotta go with the natural consequences people.

**monkeywrangler71** · 12-13-2010, 09:41 PM

Originally Posted by 2ndGenGranola

I buy them backpacks, bags, briefcases...to keep their stuff they need in but not a one of them will make it work - DH especially. Just this month, we have lost a good $200 worth+ of items. I have cut back on buying/replacing stuff other than things I just have to. Even going through a checklist doesn't seem to work for them.

You are trying to get them organized by giving them the tools which work for you - which seems like a perfectly rational thing to do, but unfortunately it doesn't work. They need to discover what works for them as individuals; different brains organize information differently. You can encourage them to find ways to organize themselves by discussing which areas of their lives are under control and why, then how to apply those successful strategies to areas where they are struggling.

I spent years trying to impose order on my daughter with zero success; the past month I have stepped back and attempted to coach her into finding her own order and the results have been amazing.

**marjorie** · 12-13-2010, 09:59 PM

When my family stepped back, I finally had to face the consequences of my behavior and said behavior changed radically. A hard lesson, but a good one...

**frugalwarrior2** · 12-13-2010, 11:08 PM

We have 3 w/ ADD/ADHD. I put a checklist on the door. We put a large square calendar in the hall. AND
Now I say-oh well. Not my problem. Being out w/o money w/ friends is embarassing,not being able to get in the front door,etc. Solves a lot.

**mndtrp** · 12-13-2010, 11:25 PM

I'm not very forgetful, and rarely lose anything. However, I simply don't like looking all over the house for certain items. At home, I have a "man-dish", which is simply a smallish wooden dish that I put everything in; keys, wallet, watch, money, whatever is typically in my pockets. When I come in the house, I put the items in my dish. When I leave the house, I put the items on my person. Very simple, very easy.

At your house, you could do something similar with totes or baskets. Other than that, let them lose things. Then, let them replace those items on their own.

**craftypam** · 12-14-2010, 08:34 AM

Originally Posted by ladykemma2

i have ADD as a 47 year old adult. i pack my bag and get everything ready the night before.

i stopped losing/forgetting things this way. i also unload my pockets, cell phone, and purse in exactly the same spot everyday so i know where stuff is.

eyeglasses should be on their face as they leave in the morning.

I have add too and Thank God for my wonderful dh loving me and accepting me unconditionally. AND unfortunately my ds's have it too. They too lost so many things as children; but we didn't buy them expensive things to lose. They bought their own expensive things as they grew up and they had to suffer the consequences when they lost their things then.

I would just like to say it is sooo difficult having add. I hate being disorganized but on the turnside of the coin I am great at bugdeting and I always say I'd rather be great at budgeting than great at organizing if I had my choice. A better way for me to look at it when I get frustrated being organized.