Frustrated Right Now!
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  1. #1
    QM
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    Default Frustrated Right Now!

    I'm really angry right now. DH has been acting SO stupid as of last night. I seriously disagree with his reasoning...which makes me even more angry.

    DH started complaining last night about the quantity of housework that I am not doing. I couldn't believe what a jerk he was being. He asked me what I did that day, and I told him that I'm not playing that game so I didn't tell him. I had done about 1-1/2 hours of banking in the afternoon and had run errands in the morning. Not an easy task when you have kids you're carting around with you. I know that I am a SAHM and am home throughout the day, but I am ALSO a daycare provider. This is also my job!

    He was irritable again this morning mentioning the housework that should/could be done. Then this morning he sent this to me in an e-mail..."As you can tell, I'm extremely frustrated with you at the time you spend on media devices (phone, computer, blackberry)." Why I'm angry is that these media devices keep me on target to my goals of staying frugal, tidying the house, having sanity, etc. I'm working very hard this morning trying to get the house in better order, but I don't feel like seeing his face at all this evening. He can veg in front of the TV tonight without me. I seriously don't care! AHHHHH!!!....MY HUSBAND IS SO ANNOYING!

    Is my spouse the only one who complains about these things?.....Help me not feel so alone in this. (And please don't go on about what an a$$hole my hubby is being. I know it and don't need to be reminded. I'm hoping he'll soon come to his senses. He doesn't usually act this way. I'm just irritated right now and I need to vent!)

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    Nothing to offer other than a hug since I don't have a husband. OK - and I'll add the comment that having kids and being a daycare provider is more work than I would want to do or could do, probably.

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    Right now my place is not as organized as I would like it to be. It is getting better though. Sounds as if there is something else that is bothering him. You could ask him what is really bothering you? With having a daycare in your home I can not imagine your house bing spic and span 24/7. There is only so much time in the day. If it bothers him that much why can't he take 15-30 minutes when he gets home to help straighten the place up?

    Hang in there. Try to remind him that you are also working at home and that it is not easy to keep the place as organized as he would like it so perhaps he could help a little also.

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    Hmmm...if my hubby to be ever said that I would hire a cleaner and have him pay for it!

    I also work from home and have to keep certain rooms sparkling so the rest of the house kind of goes by the wayside sometimes. We have a deal that he helps me inside the house with cleaning once the summer is over and he is done with outdoor things.

    Having all those kids is not easy either! I only have two cats, one dumps water from his bowl and drags his toys around. The other digs to China everytime he uses his litterbox!

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    Dh doesnt do that but makes comments like "Do I ever complain"?
    Currently though he has decided to make a budget for the whole next year. I told him it doesnt work that way. He wants to make categories and plug in uniform numbers. The things said were not nice thereafter. Who the Hexx makes a budget at midnight?? I do an excellent job and our bottom line has dropped drastically this year and every year before. I think maybe I will "sit in" on the corporate meetings he has and make uninformed comments? He's just starting w/ a new boss.
    So anyway QM you know he needs a lesson. Maybe he can do some housework.

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    Registered User Rosebudget1's Avatar
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    I would go on strike and really show him what a messy house looks like!
    My DH does more than his share of housework. We would have a drop down drag out fight if he ever complained!

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    Hang in there and hope he gets over it. Maybe it's just a phase. Can't say more to that since I am one of the lucky ones were dh is happy when I am home when he gets there.

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    Somebody commented on working at home, keeping some rooms sparkling. That could well be part of the issue. I worked strictly from home for several years before it was so common. Friends thought I could do anything...go out to lunch, shopping, they could just drop in, I could pick up their kid from school when it was raining. They just didn't get the concept that I was actually working just as if I was in an office 50 miles from home.
    I do like someone's idea of hiring a housekeeping service and presenting the bill.

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    I don't think DHs realize how much effort it takes to watch the kids, especially other children on top of your own and clean and cook and run errands. All they think is because we stay home we should have lots of time to do it all.

    My dh is having a nap right now because I made him get up with the two kids at 530 this morning. I was up all night with DS. I got to sleep until 830....got up, cleaned the kitchen, living room, and did 2 loads of laundry. He's still snoozing 2 hrs later.....cause he's so tired from getting up early. Whatever.

    I feel your pain. I would either do two things. Go on strike. Or do a stellar job then bitch him out for talking trash about something he knows nothing about and would fail at miserably.

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    If you can afford it, hire a cleaning service. It doesnt really matter if he is paying or you are, its all the same money. Maybe he feels as if you are not living up to your end of the bargain. My DH and I spoke briefly about a plan where he would stay home and run his business (he is retired military so he still has a decent income). I spoke candidly about what I expected including a spotless home and a hot dinner evey night. I also expected him to stay in very good physical shape and go to the gym everyday. We opted out. But, if you made a similiar agreement with your DH, are you living up to your end of the deal?

    Just something to consider. I am not judging you.

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    Registered User Ramona's Avatar
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    I'd disappear for an afternoon and leave him with the little ones.

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    QM
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    Quote Originally Posted by shoiji View Post
    ...Sounds as if there is something else that is bothering him. You could ask him what is really bothering you?...If it bothers him that much why can't he take 15-30 minutes when he gets home to help straighten the place up?
    Thanks for letting me vent.

    DH sent me a message telling me to feed the girls without him at supper. Then he listed a few things he remembered are in the freezer. This is how the conversation went....
    Me - K. Are you working late?
    DH - Maybe. I'm depressed and you're not helping. I might just go to Chapters until you leave. (The girls and I will be leaving for a kids' program at our church.)
    Me - K. We're leaving between 6 and 6:10. Feel free to have the TV to yourself this evening. I hope you feel better soon.
    DH - I'd like you to watch 'The Voice' with me. It's fun when we comment.
    Me - I too enjoy watching it with you, although I'll only watch 'The Voice' as long as you're kind to me. If you are like you were last night or this morning, feel free to watch it without me.
    And there was no more said.

    I've done quite a bit of tidying this morning. Now I'm vegging in front of the TV watching the last half of CSI. Once I'm done I'll keep plugging away.

    I don't think my DH realizes what a big task it is to A) drop off and pick up our daughters' and oldest daycare child from school every day, B) entertain and keep the four daycare children happy and busy, C) stay on top of the housework, errands and banking and D) still have time for ME!

    I think he's in a bit of a funk right now. He doesn't suffer from TRUE depression (in the diagnosed form), but he gets 'down' really easily at this time of year. It could be the weather, lack of sun, who knows? All I know is that I am not his problem. If he's "depressed" (as he said he is) then I'll do what I can to make his life a little easier but I can't change how he feels. KWIM? I'll stroke his ego and tell him how wonderful he is when he helps out around the house, but I can't snap him out of it. It's up to him! And then I just get to sit and watch and wait patiently for that to happen.

    Thanks for supporting me, everyone. Living with a 'moody' person is plain ole' hard!

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    I DO live with a person who is clinically depressed (it is chronic from head injury). The response to, "I'm depressed and you're not helping me," is "I'm not a doctor. You should see one. I can make the appointment for you."

    Going to Chapters (what is that?) instead of coming home isn't the answer. Is he self-medicating?

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    QM
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    Quote Originally Posted by CookieLee View Post
    Going to Chapters (what is that?) instead of coming home isn't the answer. Is he self-medicating?
    Chapters is a large book store. He rarely goes, but when he does it's usually to unwind after a long and tiring day. He doesn't buy books (because they're so expensive there). Just reads a few comics to relax then comes home.

    Self medicating?...What do you mean? He has prescription drugs from our doctor (for his hiatus hernia and migraines), but that's it. He also takes pills from a natural food store that I bought him to help him sleep...the pills are called Valerian Root.

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    Registered User Rona's Avatar
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    Hope he gets back on board with you soon. You could try when he is in good form of explaining how much you do & telling him that if his form does get low again then you and he can try to work to fix it, but taking pot shots at you and bringing you're form low too is not an option.
    Hope you're day ends on a light note ((hug))

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