I have failed as a mom
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  1. #1
    Registered User oct2667us's Avatar
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    Default I have failed as a mom

    I sit here in tears typing how I feel. I feel so help less, My 20 year old dh is on Drugs and lost my frist grand child to the state . By what she said to me on the phone she is not wanting the baby back. You see I had my dh when I was 19 . to young and not ready .So my baby stayed with my mom most of her life. When she was five I married my 2 husband and had my other dh. Well i did a lilttle better with her and 2 years later I had the last of my dhs . My frist dh stayed with my mom so long that I felt for her like a sister.Wrong but that is how I felt. I knew to never fight with my mom for her I would not win. As I look back I have done so meany thing wrong with all girls. This is why I feel like I have faild my oldest. I live in Maine and she still lives in Louisiana. she called tell ing me she just wants to Die. I tell my mom to get her help but no one seems to. I dont know what to do . she wont do what I want her to.She is only at my moms right now because her boy friend went to jail. I lie in bed all the time thinking of all the things I have done wrong!!! I just dont know how to fix her. I cant let the other girls around her . but is that fair? To save 2 of your childern at the cost of your frist. My dh number 2 is 14 and this is the age when my frist dh started to run away. I dont even have half of the prolblems with her as the frist. Well I just needed to get this out thanks and sorry for the miss spelled words.

  2. #2

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    Unhappy

    I'm sorry you are going through such a difficult time with your DD & believe me when I tell you that you are not alone My oldest DD & me have our difficult times {like right now she isn't talking to me AGAIN} as well & I constantly worry about her & my future grandbaby. She also lives in a state different than myself. She decided to move from Wa. State to Georgia over a year ago and I miss her terribly because when she left here it was not on good terms. {not that I was against her moving but there are other things that she was going through}.
    I wasn't always there for my oldest DD either because of certain things that her younger sister was going through as well as other problems & now she gets very upset & cops an attitude when she doesn't get her way when & how she feels she should with me. Unfortunately sometimes all we can do is hope & pray that they grow up & realize that we love them and we also make mistakes that we regret. I hope your DD will get the help that she needs. I will keep you & your DD in my thoughts & prayers.

  3. #3
    Registered User kaykwilts's Avatar
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    Default

    I don't know what to say. All I can do is pray for you. Don't be too hard on yourself. You were so young when you had your first. All you can do is pray that God will change their hearts.

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  5. #4
    Registered User Dancing Lotus's Avatar
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    I dont know what to say. YOu can not make her change and you have to think of your other kids. IF she has given her baby to the state then you can rest that the baby will be taken care of now. ITs better that the baby be somwhere safe and loving than than to be with your daughter. The problem is that if your daughter doesnt seam to want the baby then even if she has her she wouldnt be a good mother.

    Your daughter being on drugs has nothing to do with you. SHe made that choice and unfortunatly when you make that choice it get a hold of you and then it is no longer a choice. It sounds like the boyfriend is not good for her.

    You cant undo the past but you can control how you raise the two daughters you still have at home. Best wishes

  6. #5
    Master Dollar Stretcher aka AmyBob AmyMCGS's Avatar
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    I have a coworker in a similar situation--- she basically had to disown her one child in order to keep things safe & healthy (mentally) for the other two. I can't imagine how hard something like that would be. And her three were raised together in a married home... yet turned out so differently... so I don't think that you should be beating yourself up for the different environments that your girls were raised in. They could have all been raised the same but still turned out quite differently.

    Your DD is an adult, whether she acts like it or not. You can't control her behavior, only she can. You can pray for her and I will do the same.

  7. #6
    Registered User annymoll's Avatar
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    I would like to offer a suggestion. You might consider going to counseling for yourself. Sometimes you can learn coping skills and obtain advice and opinions of a trained professional.Living so far away from your daughter and the fact that she is an adult may limit your options as far as getting help for her, but you can obtain help for yourself in dealing with this situation.In some places the cost is on a sliding scale, so it would not be too expensive. Other options are to look into AA or NA. They have programs for families and you will get help and advice from others in the same situation.I hope this will help you, and I will keep you in my thoughts.People do care.

  8. #7
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    Last edited by starsapphire; 02-07-2007 at 03:32 PM.

  9. #8
    Registered User jenloveschip2001's Avatar
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    Well, I'm only 24 so my kids aren't big enough for me to have alot of experience in this area, but I can relate to some of the stuff that you have said. I got pregnat when I was 15 almost 16 and I lived with my mother and then right next to my mother in a trailer. I had my next child at 17 still living next to my mother. My first born got so attached to my mother that when I remarried and moved at 19 we ended up letting him stay with my parents. We tried making him go with us, we moved two hrs away, but it was so hard on everyone. My mom took it worse than anybody and mom and me are so close and I could see her hurting like that. I seen him every weekend though. I also can relate to you because I have a brother that is on drugs. I suffer for his mistakes sometimes. Mom and Dad have loaned him money and co signed notes at the bank that he has let go back on them. They have signed property bonds to get him out of jail. When mom and dad are in a tight spot (witch they wouldn't be if he would pay them back) they have to ask us to borrow money. I don't mind, they always pay it back, and I would do anything to help them out. We are buying a house and moving one county over because of my brother. He came over and I caught him with my wallet. So because of my brother my parents are losing the abitity to see there grand kids whenever they what. If my parents would just kick him out this all wouldn't be happening. He is 23 yrs old he needs to grow up. You really need to think about what is best for your other children. I love my brother to death but sometimes people need a little tuff love.

  10. #9
    Registered User fernykins's Avatar
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    You know you can't blame everything on you. You did not raise her...... you loved her so you gave her to you mother to raise thinking she could do a better job. You have other children to keep safe. So don't be hard on yourself
    Fern

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    I'm sorry you are going through this. I hope you take the other's advice to not be so hard on yourself. You did what you thought was right at the time. Now your grown DD is going to have to make her own mistakes and I think that as a parent, it's the hardest thing to let them do, but you have to. I pray it will all work out for you, but you need to stop beating yourself up and forgive yourself for not being perfect.

  12. #11
    Registered User oct2667us's Avatar
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    I want to thank all of you.

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