I could really use some advice? I need Help!

**Precious26** · 11-08-2007, 04:34 PM

I don't know how to go about but I am hoping you ladies can help with some thoughts on this matter.

Okay as of right now I am trying to figure things out as to why it seems that I have someone on my mind too often during random thoughts through out the day who is an ex(Bad timing for me of trying to date after just getting out of a bad relationship"Psychologically abused"). Here is the thing I am engaged to a man I love very much I don't know where I would be right now with out him, and we are getting married in September of 2008 in fact I am extremely ecstatic about it I have been with hiim a little over two years.

Back in June my ex contacted me through facebook after I poked him, I said goodbye to him almost a year ago prior to this because he was angry and wasn't willing to let me go he respected my boundaries until I made the first move of getting back in contact with this person which in reality is only fair. Even though I said goodbye I still missed him as a person in my life, someone for once in my life who actually made me think considering I am not used of people who communicate (in the past I have always had two separate lives friends and then my significant other it's just the it has always been no explaination why but now it's different everything in my life is the way it should have been all along everything together). Back in june he sent me a message stating that I still have a place in his heart and always(he saw me as someone he wanted to marry, I had a break down from working too much that I was burnt out that's the main reason why I broke it off with him) will mind you he recently deleted me as a friend on facebook nor will he even respond to a message with questions. My main question for all of you due to my past do I need professional help to work through this portion in my life or closure it's bad when you can see an ex as a mentor in your life or a great friend I think that would just truly mess him up which is not fair? Maybe you can see something that I don't. Any Advise is welcome whether it be reality or not.

Please help I don't understand why I am thinking this way especially when I am happy.

Thank you,

**Darlene** · 11-08-2007, 05:06 PM

I think you'd be making a positive move by asking a professional for some help to clarify things with your past & present issues. Best to be on stonger emotional ground before getting married again too. Wishing you well.

**mikandmari** · 11-08-2007, 05:14 PM

It never hurts to talk to a good professional a few times. My bet (as I'm probably quite a bit older than you) is that -- in time -- he will slowly fade from your thoughts. Life will go on, you'll marry your great guy, and when you look back you will be thankful that you and this ex drifted apart.

**pip** · 11-08-2007, 06:13 PM

Originally Posted by mikandmari

It never hurts to talk to a good professional a few times. My bet (as I'm probably quite a bit older than you) is that -- in time -- he will slowly fade from your thoughts. Life will go on, you'll marry your great guy, and when you look back you will be thankful that you and this ex drifted apart.

I agree with this.

**Libby** · 11-08-2007, 07:51 PM

There's nothing wrong with feeling the range of emotions for someone especially from your past. You've spent time together and they have made their footprints on both your brain and heart. The times where you're caught thinking of him (the ex) are normal. You can not erase your past nor your memories, both good and bad. Its a reminder to help you appreciate where you've been, what you've been through, what you're made of, what you will be able to tolerate going forward and help you narrow down what you truly want.

If you're feeling like you'd like to 'act' upon these feelings thats a different story altogether. If this is the case then maybe you need some time alone to truly consider what you want and if you're ready for another relationship. I know you're engaged but is this the person you truly want to be with? Until you're happy with WHO you are and where you've been and what you've done you shouldnt try to enter into any relationship unless you want it to fail. But thats just my thoughts on this.

If it helps you to work things out - I do reccomend going to a therapist to talk things through to help you get where you feel ready

But whatever you're feeling - rest assured we've all been there at one point or another and its perfectly normal...so long as you dont let it go on and on. You've come to a great place for advice - again these are just my thoughts on this.

**Precious26** · 11-09-2007, 12:56 AM

I just wanted to say thank you, from me to all of you who replied to this message you have opened my eyes even further than what it they were initially and that I am greatful for. I just wanted to let you know I am proud to say that I am making the effort to see a therapist by the end of this month which I believe will help that much further.

**OzFreeBird** · 11-09-2007, 02:20 AM

I've gone through something similar and got back in contact with the guy (with hubbys permission of course), only for it to end two years later.

Looking back now the reason I orignally couldn't let go completely was because there was no proper closure originally, and I carried a lot of guilt about how things had turned out. I carried the guilt around for a very long time, many years, and it interfered significantly with my relationship with my husband. Only after seeing this previous guy again did things start to dissipate of their own accord and came to a natural conclusion.

My advice is - its probably guilt, and you need some professional help. The more you talk about it to someone, the easier it will be to move on.

If he's deleted you from facebook, then he's already moved on. That's no reflection on you, more an indication that he wants the next phase of his life to begin in a clear, unfettered way.

**Darlene** · 11-09-2007, 08:27 AM

Originally Posted by Precious26

I just wanted to say thank you, from me to all of you who replied to this message you have opened my eyes even further than what it they were initially and that I am greatful for. I just wanted to let you know I am proud to say that I am making the effort to see a therapist by the end of this month which I believe will help that much further.

Good for you!