My husband downplays my efforts to live frugal. - Page 2
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  1. #16
    Registered User Contrary Housewife's Avatar
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    What does he not like about the food you got from the auction?

    He will eventually get used to home cooking. You'll find recipes he loves. You can help by getting him involved with meal planning. Ask him in general terms what he'd like: chicken, pork chops, soup,etc. for the coming week. Give him choices like "I can make spaghetti, or would you prefer lasagne?"

    When you make dinner and he does not like it, probe him to find out why. Was it the flavor? Texture? A certain ingredient? Too much or not enough of something? Then you can adjust the recipe next time and work toward making a dish that he enjoys. Let him know you need his input to make it work.

    I would go grocery shopping without him. If he is not enjoying the outing then it is not 'quality time' for the two of you, and he is being a distraction when you need to focus on budget shopping.
    Stop trying to organize all of your family’s crap. If organization worked for you, you’d have rocked it by now. It’s time to ditch stuff and de-crapify your world.

    If you're not using the stuff in your home, get rid of it. You're not going to start using it more by shoving it into a closet.

    Use it up, Wear it out,
    Make it do, Or do without. ~unknown

    A clean house is a sign of a wasted life. ~unknown

  2. #17
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    Wow my DH looks better today. He loves my home cooking because he never had it as a kid. Maybe if you pair something for him w/ it. I bought you steak because I got this 6 tubs of frosting for us at .25 after coupons.

    And he is right on one point. Couponing does take a lot of time at first. I have taken 3 solid weeks to get a stockpile of coupons ,put them in a binder,study videos,organize a system. I have been training for a JOB. I can save more than a full time minimum wage job. We are eating better. Can give a cart full to charity. And pay less.

    Mostly though men need concrete. I say after your free milk and .39 mashed potatoes and gravy would you like a .10 piece of pie?? We laugh all the way to the bank.

  3. #18
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    Thank you to everyone who responded to my post.

    First, I love my husband, and I believe he is a wonderful, hardworking man. I was venting some frustration with my original post.

    All of you have made some very valid points. Yes, Greebo, you are right. I probably need a little attitude adjustment myself. I've sprung these changes on him in the last few months, and then I sat back and waited on him to shower me with appreciation. As some wise people on here stated, I forgot that changes, even ones for the better, are sometime hard to accept at first. Especially if they aren't your idea. My husband probably deserves a big KISS for being as patient with me as he has been.

    Also, my husband has a business management degree and has been the owner operator of his own farming business for 19 years. He negotiates loans and supply purchases weekly if not daily. A lot of times he will make comments such as the cost of couponing knowing his logic is flawed. He does it just because he doesn't think the time I spend on coupons is worth the money I save. When I point out the errors of his logic he usually just says "But, it sounded good!" then laugh.

    I like the idea of keeping a tally of my savings. I will try that for a month or two and let him know how much I am saving. I promise I will practice not gloating before I tell him. LOL!

    I will definetly have to remember to not tell him everything about where the food comes from. I think he is just being stubborn about the food from the auction because he doesn't want me going to the auction. He believes I will spend money on junk from the auction that we will not need in our home. I did buy a few things at the last auction that most men would have seen as junk; however, I spent less than $10 and plan to donate the items to our local church for the children's committee's yard sale. The items should bring in way more than the $10 I spent.

    Also, I must confess that I am not the best cook. I have several meals that I cook reasonably well, or at least that my family is used to. My husband tells me I should just stick to them and not try cooking new recipes. As I eliminate the quick fix items, I would like to add more variety to our meals though. Also I want to try and cook meals that use less expensive ingredients. Perhaps this is another area in which I just need to be patient and slowly adjust what I am doing. Also give myself more time to learn to cook better meals.

    Finally, I think I will try to limit my trips to the next largest town to every other week. I will also try to go at a time that he normally would be doing something else. It is unfair to expect him to be happy shopping with me. BTW Geebo, I liked your cost analysis for the price of gas. I will try to keep it in mind when I am considering going to the next largest town, or going to Wally World.

    Again thank you everyone. This is a wonderful supportive community with some very wise members.

    Kim

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  5. #19
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    Your guy sounds wonderful, with a great sense of (self)humour!

    Maybe you can do a basic cookery course? Do you have a highschool or college nearby, where this is on offer? Or a restaurant? Ask a friend to teach you how to make a dish she makes well and you like? Then watch very carefully how she cuts, fries, mixes, etc. Take extensive notes.

    Or buy a basic cookery book (I think in the US it's called Betty Crocker) and follow the recipe. It will usually have a description of what the 'acts' of preparation entail, but maybe not IN the recipe, but at the beginning of the book.

    I don't know how old your kids are, but can you get them involved? They can cut cucumber and carrots (with a blunt knife, like a table knife) from age 2.5, bake pancakes on a small stove from age 5. (with proper supervision of course!). Added benefit of getting the kids involved: your cooking will look so much better!

    Good luck!

  6. #20
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    Exclamation Another idea about the cooking...

    check out the community cook book here. We almost all cook from scratch, or if we don't, it's from cheaper ingredients usually.

    IHTH--

    Judi

  7. #21
    Registered User shp1055's Avatar
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    If you have cable or satellite, watch the Food Network. Not all of them are complicated. Rachel Ray has some pretty simple things you could start off with.

    I'll agree with a previous post, check out the recipes here on this site and if you have questions on how something is done, just post them and you'll get your answeres.

  8. #22
    Registered User Contrary Housewife's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KimberlySi View Post
    Also, I must confess that I am not the best cook. I have several meals that I cook reasonably well, or at least that my family is used to. My husband tells me I should just stick to them and not try cooking new recipes.
    Here's a tip I figured out as a newlywed when I was learning to cook to my husband's taste...

    Try one thing at a time and have a backup. So if you are looking at new recipes just do one dish and make the rest of the food on the plate familiar favorites. This way if the chicken whatsit doesn't come out there is plenty of rice or mashed potato and a familiar vegetable for the family to eat.

    I would suggest, since your DH seems to be uncomfortable with new things, to not try new recipes more than once a week. Also, look for recipes similar to what you make now. So if he likes chicken noodle casserole, try chicken noodle soup, or try a beef noodle casserole. That will be within your comfort zone for both taste and cooking skill.
    Stop trying to organize all of your family’s crap. If organization worked for you, you’d have rocked it by now. It’s time to ditch stuff and de-crapify your world.

    If you're not using the stuff in your home, get rid of it. You're not going to start using it more by shoving it into a closet.

    Use it up, Wear it out,
    Make it do, Or do without. ~unknown

    A clean house is a sign of a wasted life. ~unknown

  9. #23
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    Default Some encouragement from Husband!

    Yesterday, while talking with my husband, he admitted that he isn't seeing any savings because of our His-and-Hers checking accounts. I was able to show him that I was nearing the end of the month and I still had some money left over due to my savings. (I'm paid monthly.)

    I am going to take the advice given here and begin keeping an accurate account of my savings. I can then show him more clearly exactlly how much I am saving. He should be more open to changes if he is seeing the end results.

    Kim

  10. #24
    Registered User Greebo's Avatar
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    So you guys maintain completely separate finances?

  11. #25
    Registered User ahmom's Avatar
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    My DH took my frugalness as a stab at his manhood and his ability to support us.
    After I figured out that the less he knew the better.
    As for the cooking, I stopped catering to him. He ate it or made himself something to eat. When someone is used to prepackaged foods, HM stuff tastes funny because they had less fat, sugar and salt in them. He'll come around.

  12. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Greebo View Post
    So you guys maintain completely separate finances?
    We do keep two different accounts. He has an account for his business and I have the personal account. He spends from the busines account (He does keep accurate records to know what is farm expenses and what is personal. Remember as a farmer, he shows a profit only once a year.) I deposit my salary into the personal account. I pay the mortgage, my vehicle payment, buy groceries, tithe to the church, pay for life and health insurance, pay for medical expensess, and other misc. things for the home and family. He pays the other bills. If I am running short, I speak with him and he transfers money to my account. I very rarely have to ask him for money. I budget my salary well. We've been married 19 years and have slowly evolved to this situation. We pretty much know who is paying for what and when. It probably doesn't work for most families, but it does for ours.

    Kim

  13. #27
    Registered User Greebo's Avatar
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    I pay the mortgage, my vehicle payment, buy groceries, tithe to the church, pay for life and health insurance, pay for medical expensess, and other misc. things for the home and family. He pays the other bills.
    What of the other bills aren't farm related?

  14. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by Greebo View Post
    What of the other bills aren't farm related?
    House and car insurance, energy, cell phones, house phones, water, property taxes, home and car maintenance, gas for all the vehicles, eating out, vacations, major purchases such as furniture and children's vehicles, his vehicle, satellite internet, Direct TV, etc...

    Kim

    I know, it's weird the way we divide things, but it works for us.

  15. #29
    Registered User Greebo's Avatar
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    I dunno - if I were him I'd want farm and personal completely separate. But hey - if its worked for you for 18 years, more power too you...

  16. #30
    Registered User mamamia's Avatar
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    I didn't get to read all the posts yet, but I'm in agreement with the idea of ~showing~ him just what you COULD buy or pay off with the savings that you're accumulating. I know for myself, I HAVE to be doing it for ~something~, otherwise, because I don't exactly ~love~ cutting coupons, I probably would only be doing about 1/4 of what I'm doing now.

    For instance, next month we're going to a Disney Resort for the weekend. And how do I do that on my small budget? Yup and absolutely! It's from cutting coupons! OK, the family member discount we got helped too , but....

    So maybe you can get him on board with some kinda incentive that the both of you can enjoy. He might just surprise you and add a few of his own dollars.

    I know most of us on here are trying to pay down bills, but remember that we have to find the time to enjoy life too. It's not always easy to find it, but it does take a balancing act to keep it going, kwim?

    Hoping the best for you!

    Theresa
    Last edited by mamamia; 02-19-2010 at 02:14 PM. Reason: spelling

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