Says He's on Board - But seems reluctant - Page 2
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  1. #16
    Registered User Libby's Avatar
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    Is DH uncomfortable about the budgeting? OR is this something totally new to him - as in being asked to be accountable?

    My suggestion - make a game out of it. He already has his food provided - you said you pack his breakky & lunch - so give him $20 for the week for 'whatever' and challenge him....make a game out of it, to see who will have the most of their $20 left at the end of the week. Goal/price to be determined later.

    And if he keeps claiming he doesn't know what he spends his $ on - ask him to get receipts for everything to help HIM remember by Friday.

  2. #17
    Registered User pollypurebred39's Avatar
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    You can get them at CVS. They do cost to load, but there's different options. There's they one time use and the keep loading card, they're different prices on loading. The small amount it cost to load just may out weigh the headache you've got trying to get hubby onboard.

  3. #18
    Registered User Contrary Housewife's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by adavant View Post
    He says he won't know where the CASH goes. He'll pick up a snicker bar here a coke there and it'll be gone fro when he really wants something like "lunch".

    A couple of times going hungry will cure him of bad spending habits. He has to *learn* to *change* his behavior. And as long as you keep making the decisions for him, or covering for him when he is out of cash, it's not going to happen. If you don't want to be the "mommy" you have to let him wander and learn from his mistakes.
    Stop trying to organize all of your family’s crap. If organization worked for you, you’d have rocked it by now. It’s time to ditch stuff and de-crapify your world.

    If you're not using the stuff in your home, get rid of it. You're not going to start using it more by shoving it into a closet.

    Use it up, Wear it out,
    Make it do, Or do without. ~unknown

    Because we, the people, have the power to build a better future. KH

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  5. #19
    Registered User ravenmaniac's Avatar
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    I feel your pain. My husband used to always tell me, "No one is going to tell me how to spend my money. I earned it!" Then he slowly, very slowly, started realizing how his spending was literally draining us. To the point where we almost lost our house and I was an emotional and physical wreak.

    Tracking his spending was easy because that debit card was swiped and poof, the money was gone. My dh did not like cash because he felt like it limited his spending. He never admitted that to me, but I could tell by the way he responded to me when I talked about our budget.

    Get control of your finances now. You may have to be his mother, you do not want to and probably will not like it. Things will be better in the long run. You may have to show him the small success you both achieve. Maybe that will click with him.

    Good luck.

  6. #20
    Registered User adavant's Avatar
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    His main comment about budgeting is "we've tried this before" and we have and we've failed. We're probably the worst Dave followers ever because though we have all his books, took FPU and follow him we have not had any results. By the way we did FPU home study, I think the accountability and support are what we were lacking. THat's why I'm here again. I keep coming back again and again hoping one time things will click, things will be different. UGH!

  7. #21
    Registered User pollypurebred39's Avatar
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    Budgeting is never easy, and you have to do what works for you and your family. Start with things that are easy and managable for you. I think maybe you tried to do everything at once and it was just too big of a gulp. This is a life change and it's really hard to do a 180 all at once. Take a deep breath and start slow. Work on reducing your outflow in small managable bites. There's lots of ways to reduce.

    * Check on your car insurance and see if you can find a policy that's less.

    * Start using coupons, shopping sale only items.

    * cook only from scratch. Make your own mixes, ect.

    * suggest going to McDonalds and a matinee movie instead of a dinner at a more expensive place and the evening movie which is price almost twice as much as the matinee.

    * plan for fun family nights at home instead of going out all the time.

    * Downgrade your cable package just one notch.

    * Downgrade your land line, your cell phone just a bit.

    * make your own laundry detergent

    * Start hanging your laundry

    Just a few ideas maybe you haven't thought of, keep searching the FV for more. The point is start small and build up. This does not have to be all or nothing, your husband does not have to be miserable during this transition. Making him suck it up and be a big boy is a recipe for disaster, at least in this house it would be. Gradually building to a point where he feels like budgeting is a good thing and is a doable thing is the goal. Don't worry about everything all at once dear, small bites...small bites.

  8. #22
    Registered User Mom2-3's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by adavant View Post
    So do you just have him tell you when he spends money so that you can add it to the excel spreadsheet. ??

    yup, he just brings in the receipt and I add it in. He's not much of a shopper until he has cash. Then he spends and can't tell you what all he bought. The card works better for us.

  9. #23
    Registered User adavant's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mom2-3 View Post
    yup, he just brings in the receipt and I add it in. He's not much of a shopper until he has cash. Then he spends and can't tell you what all he bought. The card works better for us.
    Mine doesn't SHOP period, he calls from the road (when he's working) and says "can I grab a bite to eat?"

    I'm thinking of doing a pre-paid debit or separate checking w/ a debit card for him.

  10. #24
    Registered User Mom2-3's Avatar
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    Another thought. Do you have your budget handy for him to access? For the first couple months DH would ask, "can I spend this? is there money for that?" I showed him how to access the budget (even the kids can do it if he is not home. lol) and now he and I are accountable for the money. Even the kids will write down a budget amount if we are going out shopping.

    It will take a while to get a working budget, and sometimes things need to be tweeked a bit. Start reading here more and posting. It will work. Make it work.

  11. #25
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    Sorry,I don't see how him spending all the money is your prob. He gets his lunch and an allowance. If he spends it he's done. This is something he should have learned as a child. Don't let him make it your prob.
    I agree w/ CH. your both grown ups.

  12. #26
    Registered User adavant's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mom2-3 View Post
    Another thought. Do you have your budget handy for him to access? For the first couple months DH would ask, "can I spend this? is there money for that?" I showed him how to access the budget (even the kids can do it if he is not home. lol) and now he and I are accountable for the money. Even the kids will write down a budget amount if we are going out shopping.

    It will take a while to get a working budget, and sometimes things need to be tweeked a bit. Start reading here more and posting. It will work. Make it work.
    If he'd do it that'd be great! He will barely talk to me about it.

  13. #27
    Registered User Mom2-3's Avatar
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    Sorry, I guess I'm out of advice

    I know my DH was not too excited about throwing extra money to debt, but once the balance starting going down he was into it. We made each $1000 a milestone and had a small celebration We just paid off our credit card and now have the car and the house. We are giving ourselves March to relax before attacking the car.

    Good luck to you. You know you can do it!

  14. #28
    Registered User cheles2kids's Avatar
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    I sooo have been where you are~They say one thing but do another~oo yeah, I've been there.

    I might try a weekly/bi-weekly "allowance" for him.
    Give him a set amount and tell him that any~lunches, snacks or extras come out of this money. He can do what he wants with it, *BUT* he won't see any more till the next pay period.

    This might help him to realize how much he really is spending.

    Sometimes, sadly...one person out of the marriage has to keep up with the budget because the other person doesn't want to deal with it.
    It took me well over a year to finally get my husband on board with living within a budget, so I want to encourage you to continue to chat with him about it from time to time.

    Sometimes it just takes them awhile to "get used to the idea" because readjusting to something that is a totally new concept can take some time.
    We're all creatures of habit, as they say.

    Good Luck to you~
    Michelle in middle Tennessee!


    Ever so slowly rebuilding my stockpile...

  15. #29
    Moderator ladytoysdream's Avatar
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    I think your best bet is to get him one of those prepaid cards and just load his money on it every week or depending on his pay period, every other week. Then he has to keep track of it. Cash he feels he can't control.
    Tell him you want this budget to work this time, and he has a choice for his *spending money * ...either a prepaid card, or cash. NO MORE DEBIT CARD off your main checking account. Or, he can have a separate checking account of this own, only smaller with the debit card attached to that. When money is gone for that week, it's gone.

    I'm tighter with the money here, so I run the budget. He gets an small cash allowance each week. It goes a lot farther if he comes home for his meal on break. Cheaper to spend $ 2 in gas to come home round trip, versus $ 5 for a meal downtown. In the summer time, he takes a lunchbox. He knows I am being frugal for both of us for our household, so he goes along with me. He likes all his bills paid on time And when a deal surfaces, like the toneau cover we just bought for his pickup truck box, paid $ 100 used, versus $ 450 new, he can buy it because there is some money in the bank after the bills gets paid..

  16. #30
    Registered User adavant's Avatar
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    Thank you both for your kind words I"ve been over on another message board and they are attacking me, I am feeling 2 feet tall. Thank you for not doing that and for encouraging me instead. Blessings to you!

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