Says He's on Board - But seems reluctant - Page 3
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  1. #31
    Registered User Libby's Avatar
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    Sorry maybe I read here but I thought you packed his lunch & breakky's? Why is he spending $ on lunches out? Unless he takes lunch a few days/wk?

    I agree he needs to be accountable and he should also work through the budget with you. Perhaps sit down together after dinner one night and have him watch/help you go over it as you try to balance it weekly? Make a date night out if it? (yeah...fun stuff I know) But what about making a special dessert on budget night? And spend max 1/2 hr if even reviewing your budget...Maybe showing him shrinking #'s with a tasty treat in a short does of time could do it? (or you can make his fave dish?)

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    I was going to suggest a seperate checking account for his spending money, but I see you already thought of that! I do this for myself -- I keep 1 for bills and 1 for spending money. The debit card to the account with my bill money is always kept tucked away safely at home, so I'm not tempted to use it while I am out. I also have a savings account.

  3. #33
    Registered User adavant's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Libby View Post
    Sorry maybe I read here but I thought you packed his lunch & breakky's? Why is he spending $ on lunches out? Unless he takes lunch a few days/wk?

    I agree he needs to be accountable and he should also work through the budget with you. Perhaps sit down together after dinner one night and have him watch/help you go over it as you try to balance it weekly? Make a date night out if it? (yeah...fun stuff I know) But what about making a special dessert on budget night? And spend max 1/2 hr if even reviewing your budget...Maybe showing him shrinking #'s with a tasty treat in a short does of time could do it? (or you can make his fave dish?)
    Once a week or so he wants to eat out with coworkers.

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  5. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by adavant View Post
    Once a week or so he wants to eat out with coworkers.
    but y'all can't afford it... no seeing the inside of a restaurant unless you work there.

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    Quote Originally Posted by adavant View Post
    Thank you both for your kind words I"ve been over on another message board and they are attacking me, I am feeling 2 feet tall. Thank you for not doing that and for encouraging me instead. Blessings to you!
    well, not attacking you, just being blunt.

    i am like your husband. when i have cash it disappears. when i use my debit card i can tell you to the penny what i have left. i like the use of a debit card. and when it's gone, it's gone.

  7. #36
    Registered User adavant's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ladykemma2 View Post
    but y'all can't afford it... no seeing the inside of a restaurant unless you work there.
    This is his BLOW money. From what I understand about blow money he can do with it what he pleases. It is just $25 for 2 weeks.

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    $12.50 per week is pretty tight unless it is just fast food.

    I understand trying to get your spouse on board, its tough.

    Quote Originally Posted by adavant View Post
    Precisely, I dont' want to be his MOTHER, but the issue now is that he calls me when he wants to go "out to lunch" and he says, "Can I spend a little on lunch today?"

    I feel like I have to say yes or no. I don't like being put in that situation. I want him to be in control of his money and me not have to do that. You know?
    I understand what you're saying here...BUT...

    Maybe a little bit of mothering will get him on board enough to where he will "get it" and actually start giving the dollar he spends some thought.

    What seems to be helping get my wife on board is constantly talking about the budget and really going overboard when I say how well we are doing. When we have a great month, I give her most, if not all the credit. She told me today... cash is king. I was shocked.

    The point is, SHE is starting to get excited about debt reduction and I think it is because she is starting to see how important it is. This is what you need to ingrain into the hubbys mind.

    And, don't forget the reward factor... If he WE make this goal he can ________ if he wants. Seems unfair to you, but if it gets him on board, you'll be ahead in the long run.

    Stay strong and keep us updated... we won't attack you.

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    I agree with Russ....and don't let the past failures impress upon your future success....we all fail at times....what's important is that we eventually succeed.....

  10. #39
    Registered User adavant's Avatar
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    Thanks Russ and Frugalfoster,

    It helps me to get a man's perspective too. I tell you I HATE telling my husband no so getting phone calls from him about picking up lunch (usually frugal lunch by the way) $5 or less I get really antsy when I need to say no.

    ANy tips would be graciously appreciated.

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    I too love getting another man's point of view - especially men who have strong focus and goals similar to our own. It's all part of the process and it does sound as if you are well on your way - he's willing to call and ask you questions about spending money - that's a biggie. give both of you more time and never give up!!

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    Quote Originally Posted by adavant View Post
    him about picking up lunch (usually frugal lunch by the way) $5 or less I get really antsy when I need to say no.

    .


    So he is trying.


    I think what I would do is show him the budget for the month or week, including his blow money, and when he asks if he can, simply respond by saying.."you've seen the budget, what do you think?". That makes HIM entirely responsible for the decision.

    On the subject of your budget...
    Have you cut expenses? Ins deducts, elec bill, etc etc etc.

  13. #42
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    Something that really worked for me was just laying off him for a month but keeping track of his spending in the area that was blowing the budget--for him it was snacks at the gas station.

    At the end of the month I asked him what could you do with XXX dollars? He had all sorts of ideas and when he asked why, I said because that's what you blew at the gas station in one month.

    It was an eye-opener for him.

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    Prepaid debit card and when it gone, it's gone. If he goes to get a $1.50 bottle of pop and there's only $1.49 in there it won't go thru. Until it's loaded again.
    Bank of America is THE godfather of Hell with Wells Fargo running neck and neck. When the world ends the only things that will be left are cockroaches, Walmart, Wells Fargo and Bank of America. Not necessarily in that order. The order remains to be seen.

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    Just take it small steps at time. My DH isn't a budget person either. He used to say "We pay the bills , buy groceries and what ever is left over we spend...."

    He's come a long way. I've been working on him for this past year. At first he was not into the "snowball" method of paying off bills. Then I asked him just to humor me and give it a good try for a couple of months.

    Also, I showed him all of the changes/sacrifices I was making and what a difference they were making.

    Then I began tracking my own spending and came up w/a budget for my own household spending.

    After that I showed him my couponing savings. In the end , when dh saw the difference my changes made (ON PAPER) he started to come around.


    **** I use the loadable credit card for my teenage son's spending money*****

    It is still a work in progress.

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    Quote Originally Posted by MrsMcDowell View Post
    Something that really worked for me was just laying off him for a month but keeping track of his spending in the area that was blowing the budget--for him it was snacks at the gas station.

    At the end of the month I asked him what could you do with XXX dollars? He had all sorts of ideas and when he asked why, I said because that's what you blew at the gas station in one month.

    It was an eye-opener for him.
    This is the best piece of advice i've seen!!!! What a great idea!!!

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