Ugh... he's killing me here! :P - Page 2
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  1. #16
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    by asking: "what do you suggest we do?" I'm sure his response will be "I don't know". If so, Have a budget meeting

    You have X amount of money, once that's gone you have a choice, do without, or put it on credit.

    Put it on credit and I will GUARANTEE you will have less in the future and he will be even MORE tired of having LESS money.

    So, you HAVE to have a budget. Do you?
    Do you know where every dime goes?
    Have you looked for free things to do?
    You say he has to go somewhere every weekend. Do you go with him?
    ~Russ

  2. #17
    Registered User Contrary Housewife's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Happy Dope View Post
    All I hear is "I'm so tired of not having money to do anything."

    How do I respond to that?
    Ask him what he'd like to do. Ask him how much he thinks that costs. The ask him if he's willing to save up to do it together.

    Ask him what his plan is to fix the situation he thinks he's in.

    Is he being treated for depression at all? I'm no doctor but it sounds like he might need some help.

    Re: the grocery shopping coupon annoyance. Don't go together any more. It's obviously more of a hassle for him than you and it's just feeding his irritation.
    Stop trying to organize all of your family’s crap. If organization worked for you, you’d have rocked it by now. It’s time to ditch stuff and de-crapify your world.

    If you're not using the stuff in your home, get rid of it. You're not going to start using it more by shoving it into a closet.

    Use it up, Wear it out,
    Make it do, Or do without. ~unknown

    A clean house is a sign of a wasted life. ~unknown

  3. #18
    Registered User Happy Dope's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Russ View Post
    by asking: "what do you suggest we do?" I'm sure his response will be "I don't know". If so, Have a budget meeting

    You have X amount of money, once that's gone you have a choice, do without, or put it on credit.

    Put it on credit and I will GUARANTEE you will have less in the future and he will be even MORE tired of having LESS money.

    So, you HAVE to have a budget. Do you?
    Do you know where every dime goes?
    Have you looked for free things to do?
    You say he has to go somewhere every weekend. Do you go with him?
    Such good points, I know. I seriously want to put my head through my desk sometimes.

    Define budget... we have a food budget, a weekly allowance... I'm not sure how to do an actual budget, I guess. I've looked online on how to do one, but IDK... the majority of our money just goes to bills.

    I know where every penny goes. I'm online all day and night looking for coupons and freebies. We always go everywhere together, especially on the weekends. I don't want to make him out to sound like a bad guy, because he's the most awesome guy in the world. He just hates this whole frugal "thing" I'm on. But we love being together as much as we can be. We were best friends before we started dating, so we've always just been used to hanging out together.

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  5. #19
    Registered User Happy Dope's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Contrary Housewife View Post
    Ask him what he'd like to do. Ask him how much he thinks that costs. The ask him if he's willing to save up to do it together.

    Ask him what his plan is to fix the situation he thinks he's in.

    Is he being treated for depression at all? I'm no doctor but it sounds like he might need some help.

    Re: the grocery shopping coupon annoyance. Don't go together any more. It's obviously more of a hassle for him than you and it's just feeding his irritation.
    When I ask him what he wants to do, his usual response is "IDK, SOMETHING!!" It's that way because there is NOTHING to do around here - our city is so boring and there is nothing to do within 20-30 miles of here that isn't going to cost us a lot of $$.

    He is on meds for depression now. He never used to be this bad... however, I understand how it is to wake up and NEVER feel even decent, since I was chronically sick for more than 1/2 of my life. He's trying to do stuff to get his mind off it all, and I know sitting around the house thinking about it makes it worse for him. He started taking the meds about 6 months ago when the sickness really started taking a mental toll on him.

    Thankfully, we're going away for the 1-year anniversary of him falling ill. We always used to go to FL w/his family once a year, but because he's sick, we couldn't go this year. He knew in advance, and I think that made the depression a lot worse. So, because we couldn't go, his dad offered to send us on a mini vacation. We're having family house-sit for us while we go down the Cape. Which brings to mind something... He was really excited the other day when he found us a fantastic deal on the hotel we're staying at (stay one night at $259 and get the second night for only $25). IDK, I just don't understand sometimes! He was SO pumped about us saving almost $100 last weekend at Bob's Stores and Bed, Bath & Beyond!!

    Ahhhh! Stop being so wishy-washy!! LOL

  6. #20
    Moderator ladytoysdream's Avatar
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    Hi.
    Not sure how many answers I have for you but...
    QUOTE //////////
    Anyhoo, we both take a weekly allowance of $100/each. That pays for gas and incidentals, and maybe a meal on the weekends. ////////END QUOTE.
    ______________________________________
    Seems like plenty after you subtract the gas money out. It's called an allowance / blow money, the balance.

    First you need to understand where I am coming from....
    I have no job, no UE, no income. My hubby works full time at a low income job. We make ends meet by pinching pennies a lot.
    He currently gets no allowance/blow money and when he needs gas, it comes out of the checking accout via plastic card.
    He wants to retire in less than 5 yrs, but I tell him his truck and the house loan need to be paid off first. If not, we won't make it in retirement. Okay, if he lost his job tomorrow.....say due to a accident.....I think we still could make it. Maybe. But, I would have to get real creative in making a few extra dollars on the side.

    So I say to you that if you don't get it under control now when you are young...when you are old and want to retire...things won't be purty. Hopefully you will get SS but it ain't looking good right now. More being paid out than coming into the system.

    My hubby likes to spend money also. BUT. His allowance is now 000 unless he gets a day here and there working part time for a farmer on the weekends when he is not working his regular job. I don't care what he does with that money. It's not figured into our budget because it is so infrequent. So he has learned to be careful with it. He takes a good packed lunchbox with him when he works, so really no need for goodies.
    Because I was laid off from my last job, it did change our income. I have a few health issues so am not seeking a regular job outside the home. I always planned our budget on one income, his. So now with inflation and he has had no pay raise, and it is looking like not one again, things will stay tight for us. He watches his tv, goes out and talks to the chickens, works and does his yard work / garden/ hunting. I chase chickens, pinch pennies, and like the computer. That's our life here. We are old, tired, and looking toward retirement.

    So if you two don't get a working budget worked out together NOW....you will be in the same boat we are.......
    You'll have to learn to say NO a lot...I FINALLY Learned how.

  7. #21
    Registered User Happy Dope's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Russ View Post
    You need to sit down, together, and make a budget that includes a line item for his "toys". BUT... it needs to be limited, not unlimited. One game a month, or whatever. But once that budget is gone, thats it, he has to wait until the following month.

    The good thing is at least the last time he bought any games (and by no means is he one of those gamers; no offense to any gamers here!), it was months ago when he had a colonoscopy from hell when they didn't put him under all the way and he was awake throughout the entire thing.

    In our budget, I don't even know where we could fit a line for toys!

  8. #22
    Registered User Happy Dope's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ladytoysdream View Post
    Hi.
    Not sure how many answers I have for you but...
    QUOTE //////////
    Anyhoo, we both take a weekly allowance of $100/each. That pays for gas and incidentals, and maybe a meal on the weekends. ////////END QUOTE.
    ______________________________________
    Seems like plenty after you subtract the gas money out. It's called an allowance / blow money, the balance.

    First you need to understand where I am coming from....
    I have no job, no UE, no income. My hubby works full time at a low income job. We make ends meet by pinching pennies a lot.
    He currently gets no allowance/blow money and when he needs gas, it comes out of the checking accout via plastic card.
    He wants to retire in less than 5 yrs, but I tell him his truck and the house loan need to be paid off first. If not, we won't make it in retirement. Okay, if he lost his job tomorrow.....say due to a accident.....I think we still could make it. Maybe. But, I would have to get real creative in making a few extra dollars on the side.

    So I say to you that if you don't get it under control now when you are young...when you are old and want to retire...things won't be purty. Hopefully you will get SS but it ain't looking good right now. More being paid out than coming into the system.

    My hubby likes to spend money also. BUT. His allowance is now 000 unless he gets a day here and there working part time for a farmer on the weekends when he is not working his regular job. I don't care what he does with that money. It's not figured into our budget because it is so infrequent. So he has learned to be careful with it. He takes a good packed lunchbox with him when he works, so really no need for goodies.
    Because I was laid off from my last job, it did change our income. I have a few health issues so am not seeking a regular job outside the home. I always planned our budget on one income, his. So now with inflation and he has had no pay raise, and it is looking like not one again, things will stay tight for us. He watches his tv, goes out and talks to the chickens, works and does his yard work / garden/ hunting. I chase chickens, pinch pennies, and like the computer. That's our life here. We are old, tired, and looking toward retirement.

    So if you two don't get a working budget worked out together NOW....you will be in the same boat we are.......
    You'll have to learn to say NO a lot...I FINALLY Learned how.
    God, I just want to hug you Thanks so much for sharing your situation with me.

    I'm in the middle of 3 jobs right now - I'm currently an Executive Assistant at an appraisal firm, trying to sell my homemade jewelry, but also trying to start up my own business as a Professional Organizer (currently undergoing training).

    No, SS is looking very bad right now, I agree!

  9. #23
    Moderator ladytoysdream's Avatar
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    Thanks .....
    I used to work a full time job, and a part time job at same time. When I went to college, I worked 3 part time jobs of 45 hrs a week to help our budget when the kids were growing up.
    Basically the more I made, and penny pinched, the more he thought he could spend. I shared. But. After awhile it got old. Real old. Now I figure if I can make a few dollars on the side, and do what I have to do here so we do make budget, I am content. We are not rich or famous, and never will be. Nor do I want to be. Just stay 3 steps ahead of the bills and I be happy.
    Just the house and one truck to pay off yet. We will make it

  10. #24
    Registered User Josephhgoins's Avatar
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    At one time I would spend every penny I made an could get my hands on. If I ran out of money, there were credit cards and when I ran out of them I would just get more.

    When I could no longer get anymore cards I sat down with an excel sheet and listed all of my debts. I thought that was a lot of money and didn't really get concerned about it. I just paid my bills and didn't do anything for a bit.

    What really made it hit home for me though, was when I calculated how much money I was spending each month in interest. I was shocked! I mean, most were only a few percentage points, but they added up to a car payment. I decided then and there that I wasn't going to put any more Banker's children through school and started paying down debt.

    Maybe instead of concentrating on the debt, you should concentrate on the cost of the debt. When your friends go on vacation and he wants to go, remind him that there is this bill or that bill that must be taken care of first. When you see something in the store that he may like casually say you know if we didn't have the car payment we could pay cash for that and take it home.

    Worst case you could split the bills into two piles. The ones he must take care of and the ones that you need to get rid of. Tell him that in 5 years you are buying a new house and you would really like him to move into it with you.

  11. #25
    Registered User Happy Dope's Avatar
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    I know I'm going to have to put my foot down...

    I just don't know how to do it.

    Do you think I could bribe him like a little kid?

  12. #26
    Moderator Ceashels's Avatar
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    Perhaps he needs to set up his own reward program. If I save up x amount... I can save half and spend half.

    If he takes a responsible role in his "reward" program.... he'll have a better chance of succeeding.

  13. #27
    Member Darlene's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Happy Dope View Post
    Do you think I could bribe him like a little kid?
    Bingo! Special bribes often help and can be fun for both.




  14. #28
    Registered User Momto5RN's Avatar
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    oh ignore what i wrote before i edited- i read a post that came thru later thant answered it



    i posted a post called inspiration yesterday - maybe he needs to watch something like that to refocus himself

  15. #29
    Registered User pop goes the weasel's Avatar
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    Are you married to MY husband???LOL..He is the same way so I hope you find something tha works. I've tried everything.

  16. #30
    Registered User Happy Dope's Avatar
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    I think I might print out a picture of the house he found that he LOVES - then hang it on the fridge.

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