Dh is just clearly not on board with me here:( - Page 2
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  1. #16

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    I'm glad you two talk it over and agreed on a lot of the finance things. That's a very good start.
    Best of luck to your family for becoming debt-free

  2. #17
    Registered User Katybird's Avatar
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    Kimberly, it sounds like you are making progress with your DH. Could you could get him to put the money in savings at the bank or credit union instead of the lockbox where it would not be so easy to assess it on a whim it would be easier to control his use of it?

  3. #18
    Registered User suzysaver's Avatar
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    Sounds like you have opened a line of communication, hope it never shuts down. I really do think men have a harder time with saving for an emergency. My hubby has come a long way in a very short time, good luck to you.

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  5. #19
    Registered User FrugalMomof3's Avatar
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    I am glad you talked to him about it and it will take some time for him to change his ways but keep your head up and we're here for support.

  6. #20
    Registered User Cricket1's Avatar
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    Glad to hear that you've had a heart to heart! What about instead of a lockbox, you put the money in a bank account that needs BOTH signatures to make a withdrawal? My dh and I have our investment accounts set up like that and it's rare that we actually w/d any money from them just because of the inconvenience.

    Nobody (or no husband for that matter) is perfect. Just keep up the good work w/communicating.

  7. #21

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    Good for you for staying on task during your talk last night. You sound less stressed today. I hope things continue in a positive direction. Never give up!

  8. #22

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    Kimberly,
    I am pleased by you rlast post. I hope that now that the two of you seem to be communicating better that you can get this all under control. I hope I didn't offend you in any way. I am glad you are putting the DR books to good use and going all DR on him...LOL Maybe he will see the wisdom in this way of thinking after all. WTG!

  9. #23
    Registered User JustMegan79's Avatar
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    I am so sorry that you are going through this rough time with your dh. I have learned in my time here on this planet that some people just dont mesh with others on certain things. And sometimes if those certain things are big enough they cause serious problems. I find when I am upset with others at what they arent doing or what they should be doing, I must step back and remind myself that I cannot allow myself to feel responsible for actions that I cannot control. I cant control thier actions, I can simply control the way that I react to them, and ulitimitley, how I choose to live.
    YOu seem like you have your head on straight and want the best for your family. I hope that you are able to get through this and encourage your hubby to see eye to eye with you.

    Megan

  10. #24

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    ok, my two cents. i think dave ramsey talks about how men and women think differntly about money. women need that emergency fund more than men. we need the security. it makes us feel better about life, relationships, everything. while he might not view the ef as a big deal, your response to it is.

  11. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by JustMegan79 View Post
    I am so sorry that you are going through this rough time with your dh. I have learned in my time here on this planet that some people just dont mesh with others on certain things. And sometimes if those certain things are big enough they cause serious problems. I find when I am upset with others at what they arent doing or what they should be doing, I must step back and remind myself that I cannot allow myself to feel responsible for actions that I cannot control. I cant control thier actions, I can simply control the way that I react to them, and ulitimitley, how I choose to live.
    YOu seem like you have your head on straight and want the best for your family. I hope that you are able to get through this and encourage your hubby to see eye to eye with you.

    Megan

    I completely understand what you're saying. This brings me back to a Tony Robbins tape I listened to years ago and the one thing that always stuck was not to let others determine your reaction. Clearly, my head hasn't been in the right place lately because I've reacted without thought and that's not like me. Thank you for reminding me

  12. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kisobel View Post
    ok, my two cents. i think dave ramsey talks about how men and women think differntly about money. women need that emergency fund more than men. we need the security. it makes us feel better about life, relationships, everything. while he might not view the ef as a big deal, your response to it is.
    This is so true in so many ways. I find my dh is more of a live in the moment kind of guy and I'm a planner. I'm the anchor as he puts it and now it's time for me to drop the anchor. I think he understands on some levels so that's what I'm going to appeal to. I know he never wants to be in this position again either.

  13. #27

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    i dont mean to sound mean or anything kimberly... i really do want and hope the best for your family and its wonderful that your dh and you are communicating.... BUT you really need to ask yourself, is it fair that your daughter cant get school pictures or even a year book but yet your dh gets to spend money on HIS fun, meanwhile you and the kids have to scrimp and save and do without????? ... also, that FUN money, do you and the kids get to choose how to spend it or is it all on his wants???...
    again, i am not trying to be mean, but when i read your posts, you sound like his mother not his wife, and he hasnt grown up yet....
    i am not trying to hurt your or your family but your husband does sound selfish... granted, he did work for the money and he should take a portion out for himself but i do think the majority should go to the family... this is my honest opinion...
    you are so stressed out by all of this... and one can certainly read and feel thru your words... i really think you need counseling with or without your dh...
    my first husband was like that and i can tell you by experience that i got really tired of constantly "reminding" him about the money issues... he called me a nag and i told him he needed to grow up .. i got tired of trying to play catch up with the finances (robbing peter to pay paul, that kind of thing) and plus trying to raise our daughter in a calm, positive atmosphere... well, in my case, i decided i was better off without him.... yes, it was hard, but you know what??? my ulcer went away AND my hair naturally turned back to dark brown when he left... that was a huge weight off my shoulder... ******
    i am not saying you should leave your dh!!!...****** in my case, it was best... i am only sharing with you...
    all i am saying is that you both need to go to counseling and like another person said, maybe get a mediator... counseling is wonderful...my husband (now) and i went thru counseling... it was the best thing we ever did... and thru the counseling, it was decided that since my husband was the better one to handle the money, that was his job... he put us on a budget, any other money that was earned other than was on the budget, it was divided 3 ways 25% me, 25% him and 50% household (rainy day money)... most of the time, our 50% went like this: 25% family and the other 25% was for our family outings, like a day at disney world... and it worked well... i can not say enuff about counseling... this helped our relationship tremendously...
    again, i just want the best for you and your family... my prayers are with you at this trying time in your life... and i wasnt trying to be mean or anything bc i am not a mean person... i just wanted to share with you my honest opinion...

  14. #28
    Registered User MTS04's Avatar
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    Hi Kimberly,

    I just wanted to offer you a and my support. My DH was hesitant but somewhat listening when we started snowballing and really budgeting down to our last penny.
    I finally got him to turn onto budgeting and being frugal, when I showed him how much we put to bills at the end of the month. We actually had enough left to pay off a cc completely and start on the next.
    He was shocked by this, and when he asked where our money that we "found" actually went each month, the only answer I could give, was - "I don't know, but I guess it was mostly stuff we really didn't need, because we haven bought it for 2 or 3 months now"
    THis really brought him on board with being a bit spendthrift.

    I'm onl;y telling you this, because perhaps maybe really tightening things up, you can show your guy how much can be done by being a bit spendthrifty and waiting for those things that we want.

    I hope he jumps on board, with both feet, for you really soon.

    Keep on keeping on!

  15. #29

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    I really hope all works out for you and dh with your money. I think taking it a day at a time makes a difference also. I also couldn't believe what we could save with me working. Do you think this is something you could do to help out? I sat down and figured out what we are behind on and what we pay out each month and with my new income (which I love my job) I couldn't believe what we can save and still get all the behind bills paid off by the end of the year.

    I think at one time you said you didn't or couldn't work outside the home (if I am wrong and am thinking of someone else sorry) but getting a job really will help I will be bringing home between $1000 and $1200 a month and with our out going bills coming to $1523 a month and our behind debt going to be paid off we can save most of dh check. So maybe checking into a job even if it is part time would help a lot. Maybe dh feels he has a right to things because he works I know taking care of kids and a home is work but I think some men (mine included) look at it as the money coming in a month and also what is going out.

    I hope that you guys can come to a understanding and work it out to what you need to do so that it will all be ok. But I think maybe getting a job full or part time might help some also can you find a lower rent place to live?

    Well I want to say good luck and hope all works out for you and your family. We are really working on getting ourselves out of the hole we are in and hoping to do it by the end of the year. I hate asking my parents or his for money to help pay for something. It is not fair to them and I hate it. Do you have any family that maybe able to help out somewhat until you can get things in order?

  16. #30
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    Being on a strict budget is like being on a strict diet. It may be good for you, but most people see it as deprivation, know that they will fail, so they wont even try or they start expecting to fail.

    One suggestion. Have him read Your Money or Your Life. It makes you feel empowered by walking away from that vending machine instead of 'poor loser me can't even afford a freaking Coke'. It shows you what the reward is and makes you really think. It is not a budget book, it doesn't tell you to grow up.

    And you do need some blow money. He doesn't want to feel like a little boy having to ask mommy for permission (and to be judged) to buy a Coke.

    If you like I'll send you the book. Post to me offline with your address.

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