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10-26-2006, 12:03 PM #31
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Thank you ladies for your ongoing input and support. I truly appreciate it I wanted to clarify something that was mentioned. The pictures were from about a month and a half ago and we just didn't have the money. I can see everyone's point about dh being able to spend and then us not getting this for dd. They were nice pictures, but they were overpriced and I always get pictures done of the kids for one of the holidays and I discussed this with her as we are planning on doing some special pictures for her golden birthday in December. We have a friend who is a photographer. She's a smart girl and knows the difference between one boring pose and several fun poses with all of her favorite outfits. As far as the yearbook goes, I will allot money in the budget for that. Personally, I just think it's too expensive, that's all. My dh would tell me to buy it. He may not know where I would get the money per se, but if it came down to him giving something up so she could have it, I know he would. I know he wants to be a good provider and he is. For the most part, in the past, big chunks of "fun" money have been used with both of us making the decisions. It's all of the little things. I feel like such an ogre as I've certainly made him sound like one. He's not and I'm not trying to defend him here. We've both made mistakes and I'm just realizing mine quicker. I've just grown faster than he has but he is growing and I think I can work with that.
I'm going to start looking for a pt job in January despite my dh's request that I not worry about it. Strange how he's singing a different tune now. He will be done teaching his night classes then and we'll be done with all of the holiday stuff. Right now he doesn't get home till after nine some nights with these night classes and he makes in two hours doing that what I would likely make in five. I feel like it's a no brainer but at the same time it isn't fair to him. I think maybe he's working so hard he almost needs to spend some of the money. I think if he had more free time he would spend less. It's like he's not getting the gratification of earning the money and I don't think he is. He brings home the check and it goes in all directions.
Yes, I do feel like his mother most of the time. I have to make him lists with instructions if I want him to do something. His mother was a poor money manager. She got a huge settlement and blew through it. I remember her cashing out a CD because she wanted to buy some xmas presents. I wish I had been able to help here there. Her life was miserable financially and I felt bad every time she asked for money. I felt like we needed that money more, but in truth, she did. We gave what we could knowing we wouldn't get it back and I'm glad for all of those times we gave as she is no longer with us. I just wish I had been able to give her some knowledge with it to help her. I won't parent my dh forever. He either has to get onboard or we won't make it period.
Someone made the comment about him not being the only man out there. I'm sad to say that on more than one occassion that thought has crossed my mind. I love my dh dearly, but we are not the best matched and we do butt heads a lot. I didn't have a solid familial foundation as a child and I really want to offer that for my children. I want to make things work for all of us. I can see the kids are affected by the stress. How could they not be? I just need to take things one day at a time for now.
10-26-2006, 12:43 PM #32
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- Nov 2005
- Richmond, va
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hey dont worry, we all use the board as a sounding board,and to vent......we blow off steam and tell OUR version of the story w/o dh being able to give his.....its to make us FEEL better....you know you love the old lug and he wouldnt work 2+ jobs if he didnt love his family...so worry not....
we know you love him...or you wouldnt have followed him there...
10-26-2006, 12:49 PM #33
My DH and I were in exactly the same position as you and your DH, he used to say exactly the same thing "I've worked really hard and i want to enjoy the money" I could see where he was coming from but it just wasn't that simple. Anyway we ended up nearly losing the house, managed to sort out a repayment plan to suit everyone, I would love to say he changed his attitiude straight away but it has taken along time with constant reminders. But now he really see's where i was coming from and has apoligised for his past behaviour towards money, something i never asked him to do. You were right about seeing a change in your DH's atttiude towards the TV as a good thing as this is exactly how my DH first changed his attitiude, it used to be he had the the most expensive item even if it was'nt the best. Anyway my thoughts are with you and your family at this stressful time.
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10-26-2006, 01:17 PM #34
first, i would like to apologize to you... if my post hurt you in any way, i didnt mean to... i know you and your dh are both stressed...
i do think its wonderful that he works hard and does provide for his family...
my only intent was to edify the counseling... i cannot stress this enuff... b4 my dh and i went to counseling, we were just like you and your dh... we didnt go for long but the 6 months we did go, was the best thing we could have ever done for our marriage...
i just wish the best for you and your family... and being away from family is stressful too... when my dh and got married, we moved away from my family and it was hard being in a new town and not having that "support" system (sisters, brothers, mother, etc...) to lean on when you are needing that extra shoulder...
again, i am truly sorry if i offended or hurt you in any way...
10-26-2006, 01:40 PM #35
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