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Thread: Getting DH on board?
07-30-2007, 11:29 PM #1
Getting DH on board?
I need some advice about getting DH on board with this whole debt reduction concept. I handle all the finances in our home and I've tried to explain how things work, but he's just not interested. I stress about the money situation all the time and he doesn't seem to understand how I feel carrying this burden alone. He's blissfully unaware of our situation because, honestly, I don't think he cares. He was brought up to expect a certain lifestyle and that lifestyle isn't something we can afford right now, he doesn't seem to understand that.
I can't tell you how frustrating it is when he starts talking about cars. He has a car we bought NEW about 2 years ago...still 3 years of payments left and he's already tired of it. He wants to trade it for something else. Not only would that leave us owing more on a car than it's worth, he seems to think that EVERYONE trades in their cars every few years and always has a car payment...it's just a fact of life for him. I can't get him to understand that I don't want to live like everyone else. I want to get out from under our debt issues. I don't want to owe anyone anything, even if "everyone else is doing it".
07-30-2007, 11:37 PM #2
I wish I had a good answer for you. I have been living this same lifestyle for sometime now. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone...
07-31-2007, 01:01 AM #3
You are not alone, Dh talks about being debt free, but I pay all of the bills, and worry by myself constantly!!
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07-31-2007, 01:44 AM #4
I would love to hear an answer of help to this one. I do the finances/bill paying also. The burden is so big that sometimes it keeps me awake at night, while I hear him snore. *sigh*(it is 90 percent of his debt) My line is...when he wants to bitch about no money for this and that.."that I take care of the finances, I just simply reply , " I am responsable to pay the bills on time, I can not however *be magic and put extra money in the bank.* " if you want to spend more than you make, complain to me about how much the bills cost, then get mad at me--- and blame me for something that is/or is not paid, maybe you should be way more involved with the spending and debt. Still, he knows all the debt in his name. It is a vivous cycle.
And the cars? lol. we have a nice 67 mustang sitting in our back yard that he has spend a ton, but still rotting, paying state farm, etc. what a waste.
07-31-2007, 09:14 AM #5
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Oh honey.....we've had this discussion quite a few times on this forum. I'll tell ya my story. I've always been fairly frugal. Dh was brought up uber frugally and rebelled big time. When we got married we already had a car payment and a tv payment (?!!!). I so didn't want any payments of any kind but I didn't know how to not have any. Sssoooo for many, many years I worried about and stressed over the money. Tried to do without things that I wanted in order to make some progress and always felt like you do that I was in 'this thing' alone. We built up lots of debt in the meanwhile. Finally one day I found a book called Rapid Debt Reduction Strategies. (Years before Dave Ramsey got his start) I read the book, bought the Tightwad Gazette series and dug my heels in. At first I'd tell Gripey about things and he'd roll his eyes or sigh or just go uh huh....ignoring me. So I thought fine, I'll keep it to myself. We had a situation arise that gave us $300 extra per month in rent money so I started taking that and snowballing it onto a car payment. I paid that sucker off about 8 months early so I told him about it. He said how'd you do that? I told him and his comment was 'you're gonna get us into trouble doing that'. ??? I said I'm pretty sure we're already in trouble...I'm gonna get us out. Sssoooo in a few months after I had been snowballing that $300 + the other car payment + another car payment I paid that one off in about 6 months (we had kids that we had bought cars for - used cars but still financed). I told him and he said 'how'd you do that?! So I told him and then showed him how long it would take me to pay the other car off (yes we had 3 financed). He went hhhmmmmm. When I paid that one off in only about 3 months snowballing those payments he said so what's next? I said the house. He said REALLY? I said yep. We paid that off in year and then he was hooked. Every so often he'd ask 'now where are ''we'' on paying off the house' Now he's more into it all than I am! The thing is you truly can lead a horse to water and if he's thirsty he'll drink. You can't beat him over the head to water though....... . My point is this....you have to do what you can do to make a difference. Tell him if he asks otherwise just quietly do your 'thing'. I'd really beg him not to trade cars but if you can't stop it without a divorce then que sera. You can make a difference, you're not alone in being alone in your quest. I promise. Many of us here have been there done that. Just keep on plugging and find Dave Ramsey on the radio or on the computer and listen to his shows. Try to have it on when your dh is around sometimes and maybe that will peak his interest, it sure did my dh's. He listens to Dave all the time. I know it's not easy and it's stressful but it can be done. He'll come around......e.v.e.n.t.u.a.l.l.y.... .
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