Make my marriage better challenge - Page 2
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  1. #16
    Moderator mauimagic's Avatar
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    Great job on Mission Kindness and on not takaing his angst personally!!

    Think I'll call DH and see how his day at the soccer tournament went. I'm flying over tomorrow afternoon to implement my Mission Kindness in person!!

  2. #17
    Registered User pollypurebred39's Avatar
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    Aww, that's sweet. I'm sure he'll be thrilled to see you.

  3. #18
    Registered User pollypurebred39's Avatar
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    Well, Mission Kindness still underway. Stopped and picked up my husband's favorite (in town) sandwich. A Wilkies Zep, a pound of several different types of Italian meats, Italian cheese, tomatoes and sliced sweet onions on a firm Italian roll that's been drizzled with olive oil, then the entire sandwich is sprinkled with oregeno. Incredible. He is still smiling from ear to ear.

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  5. #19
    Registered User pollypurebred39's Avatar
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    I stopped the Mission Kindness because I was finding it hard to think of kind things to do everyday. This afternoon I had a conversation with hubby that made me realize that I need to get back to Mission Kindness.

    So tonight I made roast chicken with garden string beans, because that is the vegetable he wanted. (not the one I wanted)

    I made a pitcher of iced tea instead of us drinking ice water, because it would make him happy.

    I made homemade gravy, because he would like it.

    And after I had it ready and called him to dinner he decided he did want potatoes after all (I asked before I started dinner if he wanted them) So I made potatoes with a smile and called him to the dinner table once again.

    He noticed I had been kind to him and said something about it while filling up his plate. Hmmm....Food and Sex seem to make him very happy.
    Last edited by pollypurebred39; 07-15-2009 at 12:30 AM.

  6. #20
    Registered User pop goes the weasel's Avatar
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    I am having the same problem with a twist. Ours isn't caused by work or empty nest ect. Ours is caused by a Sd. When she came ( at 12)here she thought the world revolved around her and everybody else didn't matter. We have tried everything to show her that this isn't so but nothing works. She won't listen,talks back ,you name it. We can't go anywhere because she has to go every time. We can't take a weekend or even a day because there is nobody that will let her stay with them for this reason. Dh seems to be drifting further away and no matter what I do it doesn't help. I've tried gifts,favorite meals talking to him ect. He appreciates things but nothing changes. He says he doesn't know what else to do.He doesn't drive so I take him to and form work and I make sure it takes awhile to go those 14 miles every day. With the stress of every day living on top of it all things sure don't lok very bright. Thanks for listening to my concerns. I probably won't be on for a couples days because every time I try and write anything she's reading whatever Is ay so I don't want to make things worse. You guys have a great day.
    Last edited by pop goes the weasel; 07-15-2009 at 03:49 PM.

  7. #21
    Moderator mauimagic's Avatar
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    Wow PGTW - that sure is a quandry you're living in now. How long has SD lived with you? Need to bump this up so others can share some ideas with you. It may take a while, but I know there's support for you - perhaps to start a thread with this particular challenge?

  8. #22
    Registered User pop goes the weasel's Avatar
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    She's been here for 3 years and it seems to only get worse. One thing though we can tell when she's up to something because she turns into the most helpful person earth but is sneaky about it. It just puts such a strain on things. She never had a bedtime before she came here to live and wasn't happy about having one but that at least gives us a little time together even though dh is dragging from work and just wants to relax. So I let him. Thanks for the ideas.
    Last edited by pop goes the weasel; 07-17-2009 at 12:32 PM.

  9. #23
    Registered User pollypurebred39's Avatar
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    PGTW- Well, I'd say it's time for some tough love here. She is more than old enough to spend time alone watching TV, so the adults can have a romantic dinner just the two of you in your room. Get your bedroom all sexy with candles, sexy mood music, and silky sheets. Put a card table and chairs in your bedroom, cover table with a nice table cloth add candles. wine glasses and a long stemed rose. Fill a picnic basket full of finger foods that you can feed to each other (stuff you can prepare ahead of time) Things like grapes, cheeses, a bagette etc. Chill a bottle of wine in you room. Have it all set up ahead of time. When you drop hubby off in the morning tell him you have a big surprise for him that night. Wear your sexiest panties and bra under your clothing and after you retire to the bedroom, take off everything but those, really slow. (always an attention getter over this way) Dinner and ahh...other activites soon will follow.

    For SD, take her to blockbuster and let her pick out a few dvds, and pick her up a take out pizza, wings, whatever, maybe even let her invite a friend over to watch movies and eat pizza with her. Let her know that all adults need time to be just with each other and that you would like her to enjoy her evening also so you prepared for her needs too, but she is only to interupt you two if there is bloodshed or if the house is on fire!

    Today I realized my husband forgot his phone and would need it to deliver pizza on a busy Friday, so I drove over to the pizza shop, found his car and put the cell phone on his seat and put his window up since it was going to rain. I didn't go in, he'll only know I was there by the phone on his seat and know that I was thinking about him and wanted his night to go smoother.

  10. #24
    Moderator mauimagic's Avatar
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    Polly - love the explicit directions - no room for error or misunderstanding!! Sweet of you to bring your DH his cell!!

  11. #25
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    I think I just came up with an idea. I'm going to read aloud to my husband. I read voraciously but he can't focus on a book so now we can read them together. We will be quiet and together and will have to focus on what the other person is saying.

    It seems so simple I hope it goes well.

  12. #26
    Registered User pollypurebred39's Avatar
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    Ml- that sounds like a nice thing to do cuddled up together under the covers. I still love having stories read to me. Love books on tape!

  13. #27
    Registered User Early Bird's Avatar
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    Have you read that book about the 5 love languages? It opened my eyes to see that

    * Kind words are very high on my list; not so for DH.
    * Both of us think 'Acts of Service' are important in expressing love. Like driving on an extra errand -- delivering that cell phone, for example.
    * Gifts are rather low on my love language; higher for DH.

    Worth at least skimming the book, if you can get it from the library.

  14. #28
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    Hi ladies, I was reading this post and thought it was sooo wonderful. My husband and I have had a really rough year. WE separated twice and this last time was very close to resulting in divorce bc i was too blind to see how much I really did love him. So, thank God, I woke up one day and just realized how much I did love him and how much I did want to be with him, and sucked up my pride and told him and prayed that things would work out and they have excellently. (again thank God) So anyways, if possible I would really like to join this mission kindness challenge bc communication is a big thing in our relationship and I think it would be a great thing for our marriage. So I am gonna start today. not sure what im gonna do yet but its a wonderful idea.

  15. #29
    Registered User NewLeaf's Avatar
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    I have tried to be extra kind to my dh too lately. He is having some health concerns (prostate) and I am trying to support him.


    We have had a few tough years and I really want to stick this marriage out and so does he. But we clash sometimes....

    I think he is trying too, today I actually got a hug for no reason!

  16. #30
    Registered User pollypurebred39's Avatar
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    Laura Ashley & New Leaf, How wonderful you have decided to join us, Welcome to the thread!

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