Make my marriage better challenge - Page 3
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  1. #31
    Registered User pollypurebred39's Avatar
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    Tonight I let my husband place an order for eggs florentine, even though everybody else had quiche and a salad. It made him happy and really didn't take that much more work to make him something different.

  2. #32
    Moderator mauimagic's Avatar
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    Nice way to take care of your DH Polly!!

    Laura Ashley & New Leaf - so glad that you joined us, looking forward to sharing ideas with you!!

    DH and I had a quiet lovely time yesterday - driving to the other side, going to the new Harry Potter movie and doing some shopping - nothing unusual, just that we haven't done these things together for awhile.

    He usually does the cooking and since he is so involved with getting the soccer teams/coaches organized, I'm going to plan and shop for meals for this week to give him a break.

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    I started reading to my husband Sunday night and he really enjoyed it, I chose a book I knew he would love and I was right on the money. Funny thing is, once I started reading and our cats heard my voice, they came in to bed and joined us. The family bed, two happy people and three cats. A happy, peaceful night of no TV, reading and drifting off to sleep. This morning he asked me if I was going to read to him again tonight. I am looking forward to it

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  5. #34
    Registered User pop goes the weasel's Avatar
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    I'd love to be able to what you have described Polly and i thank you for the suggetion. We live in a four room one story house so that's a little hard to do. The tough love part, sh laughs at it, she says she doesn't care if we ground or take away priviledges. she just thinks she's 6 foot tall and bullet proof and that everything has to include her. She is going tohave a very rude awakening sometime and it isn't going to be pretty. School is starting soon so I'll have one day a week with dh. Believe me I will make the most of those 9 hours. lol. Until then I make his favorite foods and do what I can to make things easier for him. He works so hard, he needs a break.

  6. #35
    QM
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    How does this thread work? Do we post the kind and loving things we do or say to our DH? I need tips on how to keep DH happy. (I've been wondering for years if DH has depression. Not really sure because I'm not a professional in that department. He thinks 'depression is a crock' and won't even consider having it. ) I've realized that I can't change him...I can only change myself and how I view things. It can be really hard, which is why I need to join this challenge. I would love to make my marriage better.
    If you will live like no one else, later you can live like no one else.


    Put ALL EXCUSES ASIDE and remember this:
    YOU ARE CAPABLE!


    2016 Lose-A-Pound-A-Week Challenge
    Started at 139.8 lbs on Monday, May 9th
    1st goal will be 135 lbs - reached 135.8 lbs goal on Fri, May 13th!
    2nd goal will be 133 lbs - reached 133.8 lbs on Fri, May 20th!
    Reached 132.6 lbs on June 1st!
    3rd goal will be 130 lbs - reached 130.8 lbs on Thurs, July 7th!
    4th goal will be 129 lbs
    5th goal will be 127 lbs
    6th goal will be 125 lbs

    Personal ~ as of March 12, 2016
    Pay off my Mortgage
    $36,303.13 (3 years, 1 months left)
    Pay off My Line of Credit ~ Van
    PAID OFF IN FULL!!
    Pay off my Line of Credit ~ General
    $26,058.14

    Winning at money is 80% behaviour and 20% head knowledge....Hey, if it were easy, every moron walking would be wealthy.
    ~Dave Ramsey

  7. #36
    Moderator mauimagic's Avatar
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    IMHO - you are well on your way QM - attitude is everything!! Glad you joined us!!

    Personally I love it when others share their ideas - works best for me!!

  8. #37
    QM
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    Quote Originally Posted by mauimagic View Post
    IMHO - you are well on your way QM - attitude is everything!! Glad you joined us!!...
    Thanks. IMO, I feel like such a failure when it comes to my marriage. I find that everything I try is never good enough. DH takes everything I say like it's a personal attack to him. (Maybe I shouldn't vent on a public forum, but I need advice and encouragement.)

    I started the book "The Love Dare" last night and I'm going to try Day #1 on him today. It's not going to be an easy book to complete, but I'll do my best. I'm supposed to track everything in the book, but I hate marking up the pages...so maybe I'll use this thread a little.

    Does anyone ever have a hard time with 'saying the wrong things'? Like I said, no matter what I say DH takes it the wrong way. Who has to bite their tongue all the time and think before speaking making sure their tone and wording is perfect? When I feel that I am getting 'comfortable around him' I start opening up and things go downhill again. KWIM?
    If you will live like no one else, later you can live like no one else.


    Put ALL EXCUSES ASIDE and remember this:
    YOU ARE CAPABLE!


    2016 Lose-A-Pound-A-Week Challenge
    Started at 139.8 lbs on Monday, May 9th
    1st goal will be 135 lbs - reached 135.8 lbs goal on Fri, May 13th!
    2nd goal will be 133 lbs - reached 133.8 lbs on Fri, May 20th!
    Reached 132.6 lbs on June 1st!
    3rd goal will be 130 lbs - reached 130.8 lbs on Thurs, July 7th!
    4th goal will be 129 lbs
    5th goal will be 127 lbs
    6th goal will be 125 lbs

    Personal ~ as of March 12, 2016
    Pay off my Mortgage
    $36,303.13 (3 years, 1 months left)
    Pay off My Line of Credit ~ Van
    PAID OFF IN FULL!!
    Pay off my Line of Credit ~ General
    $26,058.14

    Winning at money is 80% behaviour and 20% head knowledge....Hey, if it were easy, every moron walking would be wealthy.
    ~Dave Ramsey

  9. #38
    Registered User pollypurebred39's Avatar
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    Welcome Quilten Mama,

    This thread is really just a place to share ideas, get suggestions, talk about what you have done lately, maybe a vent here or there, ask advice, get a hug or two. It's whatever you need it to be to help you make your marriage better. I think for each of us it does different things, for me I like everyones suggestions & ideas and it helps keep me accountable somewhere that I am actively working on keeping our marriage healthy, and not neglecting my husband. I think sometimes we women get so busy with children and housework that it's easy to develop that attitude of "He's a big boy, he can wait. Clearly he can see I've got my hands full" The problem is though that if we are not careful, we forget what's really important. Sometimes the dishes can wait till tomorrow for a romp in the hay, or a back massage. Little Suzie or Johnny seem to have sucked the life out us during the day and we may feel like we have little to give, but there is always something, some way to express your love in a real tangabile way that your husband knows that he's still your main man and you're still just as hot for him then ever. The other day I took 5 extra minutes and filled up the gas tank in the car so he wouldn't have to stop before going to work, it's the little things that add up. Maui, spent lovely day with her husband going to the movies, shopping just hanging out. Marriages need that hanging out just the two of you. ML spent a lovely night in bed just hanging out reading to her hubby and he enjoyed it so much that he wants a repeat tonight. I think it's all about finding out what your husband needs most from you and doing it. The book suggestion about the love languages is a great one, and I'm definately getting that book. I think this thread is a marriage support group of sorts and I'm very thankful the original poster made this challenge.

    PGTW- I would take that one day your SD is away at school a week and do it up. Forget the dishes, the wash, the dusting, forget everything else but you husband. I'd make it your special day from the moment the door closed behind your SD starting with breakfast in bed, a shower for two, a long morning/afternoon of carnal pleasures, then maybe a cuddle on the sofa and watch a movie, go for a long walk or drive together, cook your hubby a steak with all the trimmings and turn out all the light and eat by candlelight. I would not let a single one of those days alone be about ANYTHING other then the two of you. I think your day away from your SD will start to become something really special and will vitalize your marriage if you commit to it weekly and don't let anything creep in. ("I'd keep it secret from SD that this is your day to be alone together or she might just start coming down with the "school day blues flu" on those days) I know a couple who had so little alone time that they used to sneak into the bathroom in the middle of the day for a quickie. The kids would harass them endlessly if they tried the quickie in the bedroom, but would just think someone was in the bathroom when they went in there. They just turned on the shower for a noise buffer. Maybe a quickie in the bathroom every once in awhile would perk things up? You two certainly would have your own little secret to smile about over the dinner table.


    QM, You posted again before while I was writing this. I have to run some errands but I'll be back later tonight to read your post.

    Hugs,
    Polly
    Last edited by pollypurebred39; 07-21-2009 at 04:10 PM.

  10. #39
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    Yes, pretty much QM!

    I hear you on the choosing your words so carefully, I also have had this problem with my DH. It's been better lately, but we go to couples therapy and got to the root of why he'd flip out whenever I said anything. Bottom line, about 60% of the time he thought I was cutting him down, insulting him or bringing up old issues (we've got some trust issues!), regardless of what I was saying.

    Bottom line, I constantly praise him (yup, like a puppy), every day I tell him how proud I am of him, how grateful, how I think he's just so hot and handsome, so sweet and kind (all of this by the way is true), and we make a point of having sex almost every day no matter what. At first, I'll admit I felt a little silly. But it seriously has paid off in spades and it doesn't feel fake to me anymore. Not sure if that would help.

    If your DH does have depression, it's a medical issue, not a moral failing, and it's either heriditary or chemical. Next time he goes for a check up, call his doctors office and ask the doctor to talk to him about it in a medical context. And if he doesn't want to deal with it, maybe you could at least tell him he has to find out so you know if you have to be concerned about the children as they get older.

    I don't know anything about Love Dare. What does day #1 involve?

    QM - I know you just hit your weight loss goal, is he feeling a little threatened by the attention you've been getting? Don't fall back, but use your new body to reel him in!
    Last edited by ml2620; 07-21-2009 at 04:24 PM.

  11. #40
    QM
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    Quote Originally Posted by ml2620 View Post
    ...Bottom line, I constantly praise him (yup, like a puppy), every day I tell him how proud I am of him, how grateful, how I think he's just so hot and handsome, so sweet and kind (all of this by the way is true)...
    But what if you don't think it's true? Is it hard to deceive yourself when you don't feel loved?

    Quote Originally Posted by ml2620 View Post
    ...If your DH does have depression, it's a medical issue, not a moral failing, and it's either hereditary or chemical. Next time he goes for a check up, call his doctors office and ask the doctor to talk to him about it in a medical context. And if he doesn't want to deal with it, maybe you could at least tell him he has to find out so you know if you have to be concerned about the children as they get older...
    I don't think at this point in time is a good time to discuss this with DH. It feels like there will never be a good time. His mother has depression problems, so I'm sure it's hereditary. I've thought of phoning our doctor in relation to this, but I'm scared that DH will find out and be really upset about this. ...So I haven't done anything.
    If you will live like no one else, later you can live like no one else.


    Put ALL EXCUSES ASIDE and remember this:
    YOU ARE CAPABLE!


    2016 Lose-A-Pound-A-Week Challenge
    Started at 139.8 lbs on Monday, May 9th
    1st goal will be 135 lbs - reached 135.8 lbs goal on Fri, May 13th!
    2nd goal will be 133 lbs - reached 133.8 lbs on Fri, May 20th!
    Reached 132.6 lbs on June 1st!
    3rd goal will be 130 lbs - reached 130.8 lbs on Thurs, July 7th!
    4th goal will be 129 lbs
    5th goal will be 127 lbs
    6th goal will be 125 lbs

    Personal ~ as of March 12, 2016
    Pay off my Mortgage
    $36,303.13 (3 years, 1 months left)
    Pay off My Line of Credit ~ Van
    PAID OFF IN FULL!!
    Pay off my Line of Credit ~ General
    $26,058.14

    Winning at money is 80% behaviour and 20% head knowledge....Hey, if it were easy, every moron walking would be wealthy.
    ~Dave Ramsey

  12. #41
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    QM, I feel for you. I remember that feeling and I am sure I will feel it again at some point. It is very hard to keep pulling on when you aren't sure why - I kept telling him I needed to be validated and complimented, and it finally started when I validated and complimented HIM. Men!

    I didn't think it was true at first either, but he's risen to the occassion really. When I started with the affirmations, I was seriously one foot out the door. He needed to feel confident and in control, and this worked.

    As for the depression, you can't take on everything at once. Find a safe place for yourself, know we are here and go from there. HUGS to you.

  13. #42
    Registered User pollypurebred39's Avatar
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    QM- I'm positive there is something about your husband that is praise worthy. Does he get up and go to work everyday? If so then you can praise your husband for being a hardworking man. Too many men out there are not. Does he make the little ones giggle? or maybe read them a story, or play cars with Jr.? If so you can praise him for being a good Dad, or say how you like he makes the kids giggle. Does he rinse his beard shavings down the sink not leaving you the mess? Not leave toothpaste splatters in the sink?, pick up his socks?, put his plate in the sink? mow the lawn? get the oil changed in the car? any of these things are praiseworthy. Sometimes when your not feeling it you've got to search out those praiseworthy things. Ask God to show you those praiseworthy traits in your husband, He'll show you.

  14. #43
    Registered User Buckeye5's Avatar
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    My update: things are getin better:

    we actuallywent to Bingo together neither had ever played before the cost: $25 for the night. It was fun and I enjoyed his company

    We played cards a few times out on the deck by the pool.

    We ate at a Mexican restaraunt $20.00 for the evening out

    We went with the kids to the zo: $ 60 for the family of five

    We are trying to do small things to learn to enjoy each others company again, it is working.

  15. #44
    Registered User pollypurebred39's Avatar
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    Buckeye, That's AWESOME! I'm so happy to hear your good news!

  16. #45
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    I am so happy for you buckeye. You don't need alot of money to enjoy each others company.




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