...I'll keep you posted if I do any other wonderful and kind things.
DH got home around 8 p.m. I did all that I said I would, plus I ran a 45 minute errand for him. We watched a show on TV together and as soon as he got up to wipe his hands after eating his supper I immediately got up and cleared his TV tray from in front of his seat. I'm starting to wonder if he's noticing the 'new me'. The old me would probably have let him push his own TV table away. It's a weird feeling always trying to put his needs before mine. Quite unnatural...but a very good feeling. Recognition or not.
Every night I gather together his keys, etc on the counter for the next day of work. Recently I've been putting the bottle of multi-vitamins in the pile to remind him to take one...because I care about his health. (I'm not sure if he takes one or not, but that's not my concern.) Tonight I've also set out a plate on top of the container with the muffins that I baked him today.
07-23-2009, 01:02 AM
QM, my hubby really likes for me to set out his breakfast stuff at night, so that it's ready for him in the morning. So I set out a coffee cup, cereal bowl, spoon, napkin, juice glass, and the cereal. Oh yes, and his vitamins! He loves it!
07-23-2009, 03:28 AM
For you ladies who talked about reading with your husbands, there is a site where you can buy a romance novel personalized with your names, etc.
I can't post a link yet, but for those who are interested, just type
"romance by you" in google, and it will come up in the search.
It sounds like it would be alot of fun!
07-23-2009, 09:08 AM
Originally Posted by forHISglory
QM, my hubby really likes for me to set out his breakfast stuff at night, so that it's ready for him in the morning...
Thanks, FHG. My hubby doesn't usually eat breakfast, and if he does never has time (except for the weekend) to sit down at the table to enjoy it. I think he'd rather get his sleep than have to get up early.
I need to catch you guys up to where I am in "The Love Dare". For me, today is Day 3...so I'll post the information up to that day.
Day 2 - Love is Kind
In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.
...Yesterday I baked DH his favourite muffins.
Day 3 - Love is Not Selfish
Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you. It's hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments buy your spouse something that says "I was thinking of you today."
...Once the kids have had their breakfast & are dressed, I'm going to bring them to the grocery store and buy DH a tub of Gummi Bears. I just hope that DD1 doesn't 'spill the beans' the second DH arrives home. I was wanting to give it to him when he sits down in front of the TV this evening.
07-23-2009, 03:03 PM
Gummi Bears, Yum! Love the Love Dare.
Okay so day 2 here, I already managed to get on my husbands nerves this today :(. I don't know if he's tired?, or grochy because his work plans changed because of the rain? But he slunk off to the bedroom. I guess to sleep, or be alone. I'm going to leave him alone, because 1) He must need some space and 2) I'm having a hard time being pleasant to him when he's being :yucky: So maybe I'm having an off day too. I noticed yesterday that he was really out of sorts, I was thinking that I had waited too long to show him some affection so I woke him up very nicely this morning. But I guess that wasn't it because he still looks like he was sucking on lemons.(notice my lovely attitude) I think I might need an attitude adjustment today if I'm going to pull this off. I better put on some praise music and fill my house with the Joy of the Lord! I think I'll go see what I can make him to eat, something that he likes, maybe a baked good, maybe SF jello. I'll have to see what I have in the house.
07-23-2009, 05:40 PM
My dh hates when he is not doing the work he loves. His business has been really slow and he's working nights at a thankless job. He's not really happy all the time either and I feel bad. We also don't see each other much, but we just talked at dinner and said, "It just has to be this way right now to pay the bills" Did your dh work for a company or sub contract and is he getting any work in his field right now? Some days my dh is working 2 jobs and other days 1 and then today it rained so he's not working at all. Prayers that he gets working at what he likes very soon, makes life so much easier for all.
07-23-2009, 06:41 PM
Yes, Prayers for us all that the economy rebounds in lagging sectors.
My husband was a construction supervisor for a VERY LARGE company that bid jobs and then sub contracts out. He was the guy in the trailer who over saw the breaking of the ground to the ribbon opening. He pulled all the permits, scheduled all the contractors, oversaw every subcontracter to make sure they were following the blueprints and using the grade materials they contracted for (you'd be surprised the crap these guys pull), spent countless hours on the phone just to make a job run smoothly. My husband is extremely organized, and well educated in the construction field, he was paid very well for this. Right now banks are just not releasing $ and his company can not get loans to bid jobs :(, when the banks start feeling confident once again he'll get his job back. In the meantime it's mostly pizza,favors for friends, and bartering services with his daughter for haircuts for our family.
I think it has been quite a humbling exerience for my husband to not be able to take care of his family in the way he had before. None of us are enjoying being poor, and we miss each other because to keep us from drowning he must work endlessly. Even my oldest has started to feel out in limbo and he's 20. He declared Monday nights family nights where we play games and watch movies :( kinda stinks when Dad can't be here to join in. My boys are really feeling the stresss of not having a father around. It's good that my MIL took our youngest this week and last, pop-pops there as a father figure which my youngest is screaming for right now. His behavior says it all.
Well, I made dinner but my husband was in a rush to get out the door, pricing a job for someone at 6pm and could not stop to eat. I grabbed a banana and 2 peeled hard boiled eggs and put them in a sandwich bag with some lite salt for him to take with him. It's way too long a night for him to wait to eat till he gets back, he's a diabetic. He was in a rush and gathered his things and headed out the door and I realized he forgot his cell phone so I ran it out quick to him. I think he needed some sleep/space because I did get a smile from him today after he crawled out of his cave and showered. lol
I peeled 50 eggs for redbeet eggs today, whew! I need to finish making them, but that's my nice thing today. My husband loves red beet eggs.
07-23-2009, 06:47 PM
Originally Posted by pollypurebred39
...I peeled 50 eggs for redbeet eggs today, whew! I need to finish making them, but that's my nice thing today. My husband loves red beet eggs.
What are redbeet eggs? What's your recipe?
07-23-2009, 07:22 PM
Originally Posted by pollypurebred39
Yes, Prayers for us all that the economy rebounds in lagging sectors.
I think it has been quite a humbling exerience for my husband to not be able to take care of his family in the way he had before.
I feel the same way. DH's business is doing very badly, it's the busy season and he's just making enough to cover the businesses bills, nothing for himself. Last winter he had a good cash reserve for himself, but we will have no such thing this winter, just my paycheck. I'm extremely concerned what this might do to his ego and confidence, (not to mention my own sense of wellbeing) but am not sure what to do about it. I foresee a rough winter for us, financially and emotionally. Other than saving, being aware and being sensitive I have no idea how to prepare us for the winter ahead.
07-23-2009, 07:36 PM
Originally Posted by Quiltin' Mama
:I try to not run around the house with an apron on all the time because it's a little silly.
Too funny, I SO want to be a good farm wife, capable in the kitchen, home and garden and ready for anything, something always baking. In reality, I'm a corporate exec, my husband is a better cook and housekeeper than I am, and a better gardener and I pay the bills. HOWEVER, I cannot resist an old fashioned apron. I have about 6 now, love wearing them around the house but I don't have a big NEED to wear them, they just make me feel good.
Here's the 50's housewife advice I know of:
From a 1950's high school home economics textbook, teaching girls how to prepare for married life.
1. Have dinner ready: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal on time.
This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.
2. Prepare yourself: Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking.
He has just been with a lot of work- weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.
3. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school books, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables.
Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift, too.
4. Prepare the children: Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces if they are small, comb their hair, and if necessary, change their clothes.
They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.
5. Minimize the noise: At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of washer, dryer, dishwasher or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and be glad to see him.
6. Things to avoid: Don't greet him with problems or complaints. Don't complain if he's late for dinner. Count this as minor compared with what he might have gone through that day.
7. Make him comfortable: Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes.
Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax and unwind.
8. Listen to him: You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first.
9. Make the evening his: Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment; instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home and relax.
10. The goal: Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can relax.
07-23-2009, 07:55 PM
A soft answer turneth away wrath; But a grievous word stirreth up anger.” — Proverbs 15.1
Whether you call it emotional intelligence, maturity, diplomacy, life management skill, or communication expertise, the ability to stay cool, calm, and collected in situations where others are not is incredibly valuable.
Maturity, wisdom, and civilization all lie in the ability to expand and control that space between stimuli and response, the knack of pausing and responding intelligently, calmly. Or in the words of Ruyard Kipling “If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you…then you will be a man, my son.”
I think of it as “de-wiring” my hot buttons, snipping the wires, deactivating them, sending them into the trash heap of the past.
Tony Robbins once wrote, “The quality of your life is equal to the quality of your communication.” Given that it is communication (verbal and non-verbal) that shapes and forms our relationships, I am in unqualified agreement.
Sometimes it takes more than one soft answer to defuse a situation or to calm a person in a “hot” state. It can be an ongoing process, not an instantaneous, one phase event. One should never totally ignore the emotional states of others and sometimes it can help to pace them slightly by entering into their emotional sphere, matching their mood just a bit but always dialing it down, always slowing it a bit, returning the volley if you must to show understanding and empathy but always putting “backspin on the ball” to take all the energy out of the exchange that you can. To say the obvious, never patronize or mock others by treating them like children, with exaggerated calmness.
A soft answer is NOT about being meek or excessively accommodating. It is about calming the waters, stilling the storm, and then beginning a joint foray to discover the middle ground. Don’t give up, don’t give in. Instead, invest your energies in the search for the better alternative.
I’ve always liked the phrase, “A soft answer turneth away wrath,” perhaps because I heard it early in life so it has warm associations, or perhaps because its slight hint of “Old English” gives it a patina of wisdom that makes it easier to remember and gives it greater gravitas in my mind. In any case, to know and not do is to not know, so I value anything that makes a scrap of wisdom spring to mind in those crucial moments of decision.
“A soft answer turneth away wrath” has served me well and helped me avoid many useless conflicts, so I enthusiastically commend it to you!
Closing Quote: “When angry, count to 10 before you speak. If very angry, a hundred.” — Thomas Jefferson
07-23-2009, 08:01 PM
Well, red beet eggs are pickled eggs & pickled beets. They can be very good or very yucky depending on whose making them. There are many recipes out there that are just beets and eggs, or onions, brown sugar and spices, it would rare to see red beet eggs like that out this way. We like our red beet eggs (mostly)sweet & (little bit) sour out here no spices. It's mostly a recipe made by feel & taste testing. Like tonight I'll add 3 cans of beets, 3 half cans of water, 3 half cans vinegar and add sweetener. If the liquid level does not rise above the eggs I'll add more water. I'll give the liquid a stir and taste it. When you know what they are supposed to taste like it's easy. But since you do not I'll put down a basic recipe for them. I have several recipes they all yield good results.
PICKLED RED BEET EGGS
1 can sliced beets
1 3/4 c. water
1 c. sugar
1 c. vinegar
10 to 12 eggs (hard-boiled)
Bring beet juice and water to a boil, add sugar and vinegar then add beets just to heat them. Do not let them boil with juice. Peel and add hard-boiled eggs. Eggs should be ready to eat in 3-4 days. You can keep adding eggs to the juice, it stays fresh in the ice box for weeks.
07-23-2009, 08:11 PM
Originally Posted by pollypurebred39
...Bring beet juice and water to a boil, add sugar and vinegar then add beets just to heat them. Do not let them boil with juice. Peel and add hard-boiled eggs. Eggs should be ready to eat in 3-4 days. You can keep adding eggs to the juice, it stays fresh in the ice box for weeks.
Thanks, Polly!!! :)
Do you drop the hard boiled eggs in the beet juice stuff after the beet juice stuff has cooled? And do you leave the pot in your fridge for 3 to 4 days before eating the eggs?
BTW...Do you have an ice box that you use?!:lol:
07-23-2009, 08:30 PM
LOL! Okay, I guess they don't call them ice boxes anymore. My GMIL still has her ice box in her kitchen as well as my MIL. They don't use them anymore, more decorative now. Must just be the speak around these parts, after all dinner is lunch and supper is the evening meal here. Roads don't meet they dump out on each other....Pa Dutch speak.
You can add the eggs to the hot liquid, and yes put in the fridge unless you have a cold cellar, which I expect you don't. Unless you live in an old farm house. We've plenty of old homes here with a cold cellar. We don't, but I'd love one!
The eggs get purple and the juice sinks into the eggs. They would keep all winter if you needed them too. They used to perserve lots of foods, still do big Amish area, for the Winter. Pickled eggs were one of those foods. You can keep that juice and keep adding eggs for weeks, eventually you get low on juice and you have to start a new batch. The sugar and the vinegar preserve them, but make sure to use a spoon to retrieve them from the jar or crock and not your hands. Our youngest has a bad habit of pulling them out with his hands and that just introduces bad germs to the mix, all the eggs then become his because no one wants his germs......hmmm...I think I see a pattern here!
07-23-2009, 11:30 PM
Like I stated earlier, I bought Sour Patch Kids (gummies) for DH. DD1 spilled the beans to him during her bike ride with him. He questioned it when they got home...thinking I had eaten some & not shared with the kids. I told DD1 that the candy was for another day and I hadn't had any. Thankfully, the topic dropped.
While DD1 was getting ready for bed, I gave DH his gummies while he was working on his work computer. His response was, "Why did you buy them? They are like $2.49." I told him that they were on sale for $1.49 and I bought them because I love him. He said thanks.
When I was down on the computer, DH put DD1 to bed! Yay!...Maybe it's because he knew I did something nice for him. When he came down I asked him if he had much more work to do on his computer. He said that he didn't. I showed him two unopened packs of playing cards and asked him if he wanted to play. He said no and that he wanted to watch TV.
While I was scrounging through the cupboard looking for an evening snack for myself (I ended up with pretzals...it could have been much worse), DH came up behind me and asked for his BBQ chips (the ones that I bought a couple days ago). I gave them to him. After he was downstairs a while, I told him that if ever he wanted his gummies that I would bring them to him. I'm sure that he got full off chips...he never asked for his gummies.
While DH was busy watching TV, my friend phoned to ask if I was busy. I said no. So she came over. While she and I were chatting (and enjoying a Caesar cocktail) DH asked me if I'd bring him a beer. (Usually I'd bring him one complaining at the expense.) This time, I cheerfully said 'yes' and ran him one.
There were a couple of times that he kind of snapped because he overreacted on something, but I always made sure to keep my cool and respond appropriately. It smoothed things quickly every time. Phew! ...I think I may be getting the hang of this!