Make my marriage better challenge - Page 7
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  1. #91
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    Quote Originally Posted by Greebo View Post
    ...Like I said, "Selfishness is, by definition, the concern with one's own interests."
    Well then, I guess I'm selfish for wanting a better marriage. Naughty...naughty me!!!
    If you will live like no one else, later you can live like no one else.


    Put ALL EXCUSES ASIDE and remember this:
    YOU ARE CAPABLE!


    2016 Lose-A-Pound-A-Week Challenge
    Started at 139.8 lbs on Monday, May 9th
    1st goal will be 135 lbs - reached 135.8 lbs goal on Fri, May 13th!
    2nd goal will be 133 lbs - reached 133.8 lbs on Fri, May 20th!
    Reached 132.6 lbs on June 1st!
    3rd goal will be 130 lbs - reached 130.8 lbs on Thurs, July 7th!
    4th goal will be 129 lbs
    5th goal will be 127 lbs
    6th goal will be 125 lbs

    Personal ~ as of March 12, 2016
    Pay off my Mortgage
    $36,303.13 (3 years, 1 months left)
    Pay off My Line of Credit ~ Van
    PAID OFF IN FULL!!
    Pay off my Line of Credit ~ General
    $26,058.14

    Winning at money is 80% behaviour and 20% head knowledge....Hey, if it were easy, every moron walking would be wealthy.
    ~Dave Ramsey

  2. #92
    Registered User Greebo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Quiltin' Mama View Post
    Well then, I guess I'm selfish for wanting a better marriage. Naughty...naughty me!!!
    Rational self interest is a virtue.

    Selfishness at the expense of others and selflessness at the expense of yourself - those are the real evils. One denies the right of others to the same rights you have, and the other denies you of the rights others have.

  3. #93
    Registered User pollypurebred39's Avatar
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    Greebo,

    It's clear to see that you are genuinely concerned for Quilten Mama and all of us here that are participating in the Love Dare. In a previous post I stated that there are men out there who would milk this till the cows came home. Clearly you are not one of those men, Ceashals and you are very lucky to have each other.

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  5. #94
    Registered User pollypurebred39's Avatar
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    QuiltenMama, I think we are all selfish by nature and think you get a pass on this one.

  6. #95
    Registered User pollypurebred39's Avatar
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    Ml, you know that's a great idea. Why did I not think of that myself? Instead I've been chiding him like a child, he's a grown man for goodness sake. Shame on me. I never once thought to help him with his struggle only scold him when he failed

  7. #96
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    Quote Originally Posted by Greebo View Post
    Selfishness at the expense of others and selflessness at the expense of yourself - those are the real evils...
    I am a servant of the Lord. I don't belong to myself. I belong to Him.

    This is what Christ commands of His followers...

    Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. --Romans 12:1 NIV

    Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. --1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV

    The best way to see real love is to look at what Jesus did on the cross of Calvary.
    If you will live like no one else, later you can live like no one else.


    Put ALL EXCUSES ASIDE and remember this:
    YOU ARE CAPABLE!


    2016 Lose-A-Pound-A-Week Challenge
    Started at 139.8 lbs on Monday, May 9th
    1st goal will be 135 lbs - reached 135.8 lbs goal on Fri, May 13th!
    2nd goal will be 133 lbs - reached 133.8 lbs on Fri, May 20th!
    Reached 132.6 lbs on June 1st!
    3rd goal will be 130 lbs - reached 130.8 lbs on Thurs, July 7th!
    4th goal will be 129 lbs
    5th goal will be 127 lbs
    6th goal will be 125 lbs

    Personal ~ as of March 12, 2016
    Pay off my Mortgage
    $36,303.13 (3 years, 1 months left)
    Pay off My Line of Credit ~ Van
    PAID OFF IN FULL!!
    Pay off my Line of Credit ~ General
    $26,058.14

    Winning at money is 80% behaviour and 20% head knowledge....Hey, if it were easy, every moron walking would be wealthy.
    ~Dave Ramsey

  8. #97
    Registered User Greebo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Quiltin' Mama View Post
    I am a servant of the Lord. I don't belong to myself. I belong to Him.
    Its no secret that I'm an atheist, so you may take this as "Even the Devil can quote scripture"

    But Jesus also told you to love others as you love yourself.

    If you don't put yourself on the same level as your brothers and sisters in Christ, then aren't you disobeying the word of your master?

    Because if you don't love yourself, care for YOUR SELF - how can you be treating others *as* yourself and treat them properly?
    Last edited by Greebo; 07-24-2009 at 04:27 PM.

  9. #98
    Registered User pollypurebred39's Avatar
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    My goodness, Hey guys, how about we agree to disagree here. We all have our own views and beliefs. I don't think Greebo meant any harm, just concern, but it's getting rather heated here. QM, we understand your feelings and beliefs, and you can't make someone who is an atheist understand why you are doing something that seems just crazy to him, and that's okay we've all got free will. You're doing what's right for your marriage and Greebo is doing what's right in his. Let's please just agree to disagree.
    Last edited by pollypurebred39; 07-24-2009 at 04:37 PM.

  10. #99
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    Quote Originally Posted by pollypurebred39 View Post
    My goodness, Hey guys, how about we agree to disagree here. We all have our own views and beliefs. I don't think Greebo meant any harm, just concern, but it's getting rather heated here.
    Is it? I didn't think it was heated at all.

    QM, we understand your feelings and beliefs, and you can't make someone who is an atheist understand why you are doing something that seems just crazy to him, and that's okay we've all got free will. You're doing what's right for your marriage and Greebo is doing what's right in his. Let's please just agree to disagree.
    Polly I'm an atheist who is extremely well versed in Christian belief. I was raised by a Lutheran pastor, and spent more hours in Church in childhood than many adults do throughout their entire lives. I know Scripture better than an awful lot of Christians.

    And despite my rejection of ALL religion, I do think Christianity has a great number of good principles and practices to offer.

    Like anything else, Christianity is subject to bad interpretations and misrepresentations as well. When it comes to self-sacrifice, Christianity has a lot of problems with its teachings that are, frankly, contradictory. The teaching of the disciples sometimes sends messages that go flat out against Christ's own good messages.

    When it comes to dealing with others, Christ nailed it - love thy neighbor as thyself. That means not more than, not less than, but equally to. The Golden Rule is something that I agree with 100% as a believer in Rational Self-Interest, and it does, I admit, get my goat when I read so-called "Christian Messages" that teach believers to be selfless - ie to treat themselves WORSE than they treat others.

    If you believe in the Golden Rule, and you believe that you should treat others with respect, kindness, compassion, generosity, etc., then to be consistent, you must also treat yourself with respect, kindness, compassion and generosity. Otherwise you break Christ's new commandment.

    And do not forget - Christ was no stranger to tough love. He wasn't afraid to chastise someone when they deserved it. He was not one to allow others to take advantage of him.

    So even though I'm an atheist, and I don't believe in Christ as divine, or in God, I do know an awful lot about Christ's teachings, and I am absolutely committed to the idea that it is absolutely UN Christian for wives to put themselves in positions of lesser importance as human beings to their spouses. It's a partnership, not a form of slavery.

  11. #100
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    Quote Originally Posted by pollypurebred39 View Post
    ...I don't think Greebo meant any harm, just concern, but it's getting rather heated here...
    I know that Greebo didn't mean any harm. I didn't think the discussion was/is heated. I am just having a calm conversation. I don't know about him.

    Quote Originally Posted by pollypurebred39 View Post
    ...you can't make someone who is an atheist understand why you are doing something that seems just crazy to him, and that's okay we've all got free will...
    I completely agree. I was just telling him what I believe and (I thought) he was telling me what he believes or doesn't believe.

    Quote Originally Posted by Greebo View Post
    ...But Jesus also told you to love others as you love yourself...
    Yes, He did!

    Quote Originally Posted by Greebo View Post
    ...If you don't put yourself on the same level as your brothers and sisters in Christ, then aren't you disobeying the word of your master?...
    Who said that putting others first isn't loving yourself?

    I agree with Polly that we're going in circles. Thanks for the discussion, Greebo. I don't think you and I are going to see eye to eye at this point in time. We'll just have to leave it at that.
    If you will live like no one else, later you can live like no one else.


    Put ALL EXCUSES ASIDE and remember this:
    YOU ARE CAPABLE!


    2016 Lose-A-Pound-A-Week Challenge
    Started at 139.8 lbs on Monday, May 9th
    1st goal will be 135 lbs - reached 135.8 lbs goal on Fri, May 13th!
    2nd goal will be 133 lbs - reached 133.8 lbs on Fri, May 20th!
    Reached 132.6 lbs on June 1st!
    3rd goal will be 130 lbs - reached 130.8 lbs on Thurs, July 7th!
    4th goal will be 129 lbs
    5th goal will be 127 lbs
    6th goal will be 125 lbs

    Personal ~ as of March 12, 2016
    Pay off my Mortgage
    $36,303.13 (3 years, 1 months left)
    Pay off My Line of Credit ~ Van
    PAID OFF IN FULL!!
    Pay off my Line of Credit ~ General
    $26,058.14

    Winning at money is 80% behaviour and 20% head knowledge....Hey, if it were easy, every moron walking would be wealthy.
    ~Dave Ramsey

  12. #101
    Registered User Greebo's Avatar
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    Who said that putting others first isn't loving yourself?
    Well, I do, for one. If you put others first, ABOVE yourself, then that means you have to sacrifice yourself to their needs, even if that means at the cost of your own life. Follow that logic, and that also means your family, as a Christian family, must put the needs of others before their own needs.

    And yet the bible clearly states that one should put one's own household first (1st Timothy 5:8), or be worse than an unbeliever. Why? Because your family is no good to anyone else if they give away so much that they themselves starve to death (be that starvation of the body OR of the soul mind you).

    Likewise, YOU are no good to anyone else if you yourself are starved to death for food of the body or food of the soul. You have an obligation to tend to YOURSELF just as much as anyone else, because if you do not, then you diminish the value of God's greatest gift to you - your own life. If your life is unimportant, you're saying God's gift to you is unimportant.

    Thus it is simple reason to conclude that to love ones neighbor as oneself means one can neither put oneself before OR behind others, but only on equal footing.
    Last edited by Greebo; 07-24-2009 at 05:04 PM.

  13. #102
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    Quote Originally Posted by Greebo View Post
    ...If you put others first, ABOVE yourself, then that means you have to sacrifice yourself to their needs, even if that means at the cost of your own life...
    I think that's where/why you and I can't/won't meet at the same road. I am attempting to imitate Christ's humility. Philippians 2:1-5 says, "If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:"

    Having a humble spirit involves a true perspective about yourself. "For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you." Romans 12:3 It doesn't mean we're inferior or second-class or 'below' another person. We are to treat people with respect and common courtesy. If we can consider others' interests more important than ourselves then our own humility links us with Jesus. And I know that He is the true example of humility.
    If you will live like no one else, later you can live like no one else.


    Put ALL EXCUSES ASIDE and remember this:
    YOU ARE CAPABLE!


    2016 Lose-A-Pound-A-Week Challenge
    Started at 139.8 lbs on Monday, May 9th
    1st goal will be 135 lbs - reached 135.8 lbs goal on Fri, May 13th!
    2nd goal will be 133 lbs - reached 133.8 lbs on Fri, May 20th!
    Reached 132.6 lbs on June 1st!
    3rd goal will be 130 lbs - reached 130.8 lbs on Thurs, July 7th!
    4th goal will be 129 lbs
    5th goal will be 127 lbs
    6th goal will be 125 lbs

    Personal ~ as of March 12, 2016
    Pay off my Mortgage
    $36,303.13 (3 years, 1 months left)
    Pay off My Line of Credit ~ Van
    PAID OFF IN FULL!!
    Pay off my Line of Credit ~ General
    $26,058.14

    Winning at money is 80% behaviour and 20% head knowledge....Hey, if it were easy, every moron walking would be wealthy.
    ~Dave Ramsey

  14. #103
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    Quote Originally Posted by Greebo View Post
    Its really none of my business...but I'm reading some of these "day X" things from the male perspective, and I'm having a hard time not believing I'm reading instructions on "How to be a doormat".

    Don't get me wrong, they are very nice gestures ... but so far it sounds VERY much like a one way street ...

    Am I reading them wrong?
    Greebo,

    Did you see the movie fireproof? This movie explains this. What it amounts to is (in the case of the movie) both people are being nasty to each other and the marriage is about to end, when the guy in the movie starts doing nice things for his wife every day it changes her feeling toward the marriage (and him) and the marriage is saved

    It might be considered a chick flick, but I loved the movie.

  15. #104
    Registered User pollypurebred39's Avatar
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    Greebo,

    I could not agree with you more about marriage being on an equal footing. My husband wants me beside him not behind him. I've never been taught anything other in church. There is no where that I'm aware of in the Bible that states anyone is better than another, however that does not negate showing proper respect for someones postion in life. That is not saying that those with a higher education, more money, or being a husband is someone who deserves more respect. We all are equal in that respect in God's eyes. However, there has been a lot of Christian men who follow a doctrine of thought that their wives are less then themselves because God put them in postion of head of the household. Now, one could certainly take this and run with it forgetting all about the teaching of the Bible which clearly shows the model we women are supposed to role ourselves after, the woman who is in charge of the household, the sevants, her husbands business, the bank account of that buisness, making purchases making her an equal partner in her husbands affairs. We also can not forget that it was with this backwards teaching that women were not granted the right to vote or given any paid postion of authority.


    However this said, women being treated as less than in this world can not all be laid on the dorrstep of Christainity. In this world today women are treated as property, sold into sexual slavery, girls who have their private parts mutilated at the age of 12 so they can marry, women who will be killed by their own fathers and brothers if they get raped because they brought shame on the family by being raped, women who must cover themselves from head to toe so as not to entice other men, horrors too numerous to metion here. All not in the name of religon.

    Moving on, since you clearly acknowledge that there is virtue in some of the Bibles teachings, but you yourself are not a believer surely you can see QuiltenMamas point of view, even if you don't understand why she would take on the role that she's taken. I'm positive that there are beliefs that you have being an atheist that I could not wrap my brain around, but deep within me tells me that we each must chose our own paths in life and while I may not understand your choice I certainly respect it. Quiping back and forth with scripture is fruitless, you have your beliefs, she has hers.

    I think sometimes we Christains feel on the defensive regarding our beliefs. The media sometimes makes us all out to be half cracked, showing some extreme forms of Christainity, and there is no shortage of those out there who give us all a bad name.

    Polly

  16. #105
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    Quote Originally Posted by Greebo View Post
    Polly I have total respect for that, and it's absolutely up to you and DH to determine what works for you, and if you feel you need to be giving a little more in the "fair trade" department to make it equitable, that says wagonloads about your integrity.

    I am just concerned from what I have read that your situation and QM's situations are not at all the same. I wouldn't want QM to be the "Marge Simpson" who, every time the family fails to notice everything she does for them, just does more...and the family never notices, cares, or thinks anything should be any different.
    I agree with you that their situation is not the same, but I think quiltingmama is trying to make it better. If she continues to be nice to dh; I'm guessing; that he will come around and they will both be treating each other better. When things aren't working out; it needs to start somewhere to get better again and that is what I THINK qm is trying to do.

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