I'm feeling quite overwhelmed
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  1. #1
    Registered User Toffeekit's Avatar
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    Default I'm feeling quite overwhelmed

    Hi to all. I've not been back here for ages; MyLovelyMan, now my husband, has a recurrence of his cancer and, at the moment, is in great pain which is proving difficult to manage.

    I am not the world's most enthusiastic housekeeper but I find that my days are now totally eaten up with caring for him. Up and down stairs; fetching and carrying; assisting with medication and monitoring; filling hot-water-bottles for the back pain; making endless cups of tea and then rinsing the cups (we'd run out of clean cups by midday if I just put them, one after the other, into the dishwasher) and snack plates he's eaten from; and the laundry - the bedding and the nightwear . . . wash, dry, put away . . .

    I am asking for practical suggestions to help me find my sanity, please. I don't want to spend all my time on tasks and chores.

    What minimum housekeeping strategies can any of you suggest, please? Any basic routine that could be made to work, and still give me time to sit, maybe for fifteen minutes every couple of hours, and relax and just be a human being? Please?

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    do the basic,get paper and plasticware for meals,eat off napkins. Not precisely the same at all but Dh just had ankle surgery complete w/ antibiotic infusions,nurse for blood testing 1x per week and thinner injections,medical deliveries. At the time driving DD and taking care of animals dishes were way down the line.
    I wore the same clothes more if I wasnt going out and showers were much less,cat baths are quicker. Also maybe a relative,friend could help out w/ cleaning or cooking. Spend the time w/ him.
    So very sorry your going thru this.

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    Registered User Spirit Deer's Avatar
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    I'm so sorry you're going through this, Toffeekit. It's hard to be a caregiver.

    Ask for help from family and friends if you need it. Is there an organization that can help you out at all? Maybe a group of volunteers from a church or other group? Even if they don't help directly care for your husband, maybe they could come in and sweep floors or do dishes, take care of yard work, or whatever else needs doing.

    If you're cooking, try to cook extra and then freeze things so you have quick meals handy when needed so you don't have to cook as much. Even if you're not the type who likes to serve or eat processed foods, have some on hand that are reasonably healthy so you can take a break from meal prep and just microwave something or use frozen foods you can just put in the oven to heat while you take a little break.

    Take care of yourself, too. Hard to do, I know.

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    Registered User josantoro's Avatar
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    I have been there, (((Hugs))). Any chance of moving the patient to a downstairs room, even if for only a few hours a day on the couch? Or get an electric kettle and tea making supplies for the upstairs.

    When he is napping take some "me" time for yourself. Even if it is only a few minutes with your feet up.

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    Registered User Tine's Avatar
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    Disposable plates and cutlery helped me when I was ill and lived on my own. Not frugal or environment friendly, but sometimes other things are just more important. I'll also recommend an electric heating pad. It takes less work for you.

    Big hugs for you. I hope he'll recover.

  7. #6
    Registered User Toffeekit's Avatar
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    Just popping in to say a huge THANK YOU to those who are already helping. No family to call on. Friends are available, and are volunteering but - I can't (yet?) plan what I need to ask them to do. Electric heating pad sounds like a great thing! I'll research it.

    This is his zapped out sleep time, so I'm here. I've had late brunch with classical music gently on the kitchen radio and it helps.

    Please, those of you who have prayer lists - can we be on yours? We need all the help we can muster. Thank you. (If we can, I think you'll need our names - Stuart and Pauline)

    bye for now

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    well it just so happens my Dmom runs the prayer chain at her church so I will ask and of course i will send prayers straight up. It is hard to think straight when your in the midst I remember. I used to pray that I prayed for what I needed then of course thy will be done.
    I was sitting on a work stool in the empty MIL apt. bare bones and We needed to do it over because no way could he do stairs.
    I was spent and broke.
    I prayed ok God I've had it,I need a little help here. My mailman pulled up w/ a check for $200. from my SIL's parents who I barely knew. $200. was exactly what the men wanted to lay the tile in here. I mean directly after I uttered the words. Have faith.

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    Registered User pinetree's Avatar
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    My step MIL is head of the prayer chain at her church too! sent her your names. Sending up prayers for you too, I'm so sorry you are going thru this,
    Pine trees, with their needles pointing up to heaven, represent everlasting light and life.

  10. #9
    Registered User Toffeekit's Avatar
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    Thanks to all who have offered helpful suggestions and who are also helping with prayer.

    Since my last post, we have just had sometimes-bearable days and horrendous nights: There's no promise of better times, except that the pain meds should get better balanced.

    I have drawn up a list of housekeeping stuff that HAS to be done: it's quite (very)short but at the same time it gives me something to occupy myself with when Stuart is sleeping through the medication.

    Laundry is a big problem. Doing it is OK, but we don't have a dryer; our choice has always been to line-dry (we live high on a hill, with winds from the four corners!) but the British weather is dumping constant, day after day, thick wet low cloud on us. I think I am going to have to find a laundromat somewhere I can get to, to get the bedding dry. Another problem.

    But thanks: really, heartfelt thanks. I come here, pour it all out, and there are those of you who read and respond and I'm very grateful.

    hugs from
    a very tired
    Toffeekit

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    Registered User Toffeekit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by frugalwarrior2 View Post
    well it just so happens my Dmom runs the prayer chain at her church so I will ask and of course i will send prayers straight up. It is hard to think straight when your in the midst I remember. I used to pray that I prayed for what I needed then of course thy will be done.
    I was sitting on a work stool in the empty MIL apt. bare bones and We needed to do it over because no way could he do stairs.
    I was spent and broke.
    I prayed ok God I've had it,I need a little help here. My mailman pulled up w/ a check for $200. from my SIL's parents who I barely knew. $200. was exactly what the men wanted to lay the tile in here. I mean directly after I uttered the words. Have faith.
    frugalwarrior2, I wanted to respond to your post in particular; I have asked for strength and I believe I am being given it. I had a miracle yesterday when we needed some personal care aid - very urgently! - and I couldn't leave Stuart; somehow, making phone calls to pharmacies set a chain in motion which ended up with a young woman from a pharmacy MILES and MILES away finding what we needed, taking payment over the phone, rustling up one of their drivers to deliver it, for free - and while we were waiting for the delivery, she was on the phone every hour or so, checking if we'd got the item. I call that a miracle, don't you?

    thanks for being there
    Toffeekit

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    Registered User Tine's Avatar
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    Do some of your friends or neighbors have a dryer you can use?

  13. #12
    Registered User Toffeekit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tine View Post
    Do some of your friends or neighbors have a dryer you can use?
    Tine, I'll ask around. We are part of a community of friends who are pretty frugal so dryers are probably low on everyone's lists, but I'll ask.

    As for neighbours - you only have to look out of the windows to see that just about everyone in this road uses the garden line to dry laundry. Certainly, my immediate neighbours each side hang their laundry out, several times a week. But thanks for the suggestion; I will ask around.

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    Registered User Spirit Deer's Avatar
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    Maybe even if no one has a dryer, someone will be willing to take your stuff to a laundomat.

    And here I thought clothes airers were all the rage in Europe!

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    Registered User ilovechocolate's Avatar
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    Let your needs be known to friends, family, neighbors, church folks, etc. At times like this you need all the help you can get. So many people have been in your situation, or at least something similar, and are probably very willing to help if they know you need it.

  16. #15
    Registered User Toffeekit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spirit Deer View Post
    Maybe even if no one has a dryer, someone will be willing to take your stuff to a laundomat.

    And here I thought clothes airers were all the rage in Europe!
    Your suggestion that someone would take my stuff to a laundromat - I'm sure someone would. I just hadn't thought about it. Thank you.

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