2nd Birthday Anxiety
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  1. #1
    Registered User spyzvixxen's Avatar
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    Default 2nd Birthday Anxiety

    OK, so we went all out and did a big 1st b-day bash at a catering hall for 45 or so family & family friends. This was only because we were in a 1 br apt. at the time. I made a promise that next year would be pizza and cupcakes.

    Background: we are now in a 3 br and itt will be 20 adults & 2 toddlers total. It will be a tight squeeze with basically those plastic lawn chairs in any corner I can put them. And....apparently a pizza party for mostly adults is tacky. At least in DF's eyes. We are planning a Sunday afternoon party (a) because DF works Sat. and (b) so as not for folks to expect some big all-night drinking party.

    The frustrating part is that we are from 2 different cultures and agreeing on a menu has caused us a big fight. Long story short, I will be making 2 dinners. Yes, 2. Your regular party food (lasagna, stuffed shells, salad, bread, etc.) and hispanic food (pork shoulder, rice, etc.). I really don't think he understands that it is a lot of work for me. Even though I am taking some help from the store. Normally I do most food from scratch. He just doesn't understand how hard it is on me to prep. with a screaming toddler who demands my attention. And he insists that his family (mostly his stubborn old school dad) will not eat what I originally planned on serving.

    In addition, when going over my list, I had soda, water, beer, wine & gin. That caused another fight. I am not planning a "drinking party", but feel it is extremely tacky to not have that option available for a guest. The OPTION being the key word here.

    Ugh, sorry so long, I just really needed to vent. Has anyone else been in my shoes and have any survival tips?

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    I married a man from Peru and when we had parties I would cook Peruvian foods and served beer. Their culture drinks at all parties even for toddlers birthdays. My family felt they could get american food anyday and they liked eating the Peruvian food. So it worked out very nicely for me.

    I hope it works out for your family and you get to enjoy everyones company.

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    Registered User spyzvixxen's Avatar
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    Yeah, it's a real culture clash I guess and I'm having a hard time blending the two. I love to entertain, but his family can be overbearing with their opinions and food preferences. This will not be the first time I've had to make special accommodations because he insists his father will not eat what I consider American food. They are Bolivian and most meals include rice, potatoes, corn, tomato/onion on lettuce and picante (aka green sauce/hot sauce). Those are standards. I have no problem making those items but the whole point is that I feel it is really unfair to expect me to cook 2 separate meals like it's no big deal. Who's doing the prep work, cooking & cleanup here? Me or him? LOL ugh!

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    Well, this party is for the child or Dh's family?? I really never heard of alcohol at a kids b-day party. As far as cultural fav's would they like to bring food. Usually family helps.

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    Yes, we are celebrating my daughter's 2nd birthday. Perhaps I have lost sight of that in all the food & drink BS that has come about. Believe me, I would have rather had a Chuck-E-Cheese party, however, the only kids are her and her 3 1/2 yo cousin. What does one do when there just aren't enough young kids in the family yet?

    As far as the drinking, his family that is coming doesn't really drink unless it is a Saturday night drinking/dancing pariy. Some of my family usually look for a beer or a glass of wine at family gatherings. Not for the point of getting drunk, but as a during appetizers/before dinner socializing thing if that makes sense. I think it would be pretty embarrassing not to have a drop of alcohol to even OFFER.

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    Registered User NikoSan999's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by frugalwarrior2 View Post
    Well, this party is for the child or Dh's family?? I really never heard of alcohol at a kids b-day party. As far as cultural fav's would they like to bring food. Usually family helps.
    Agree, this is your kids birthday, not a dinner party for his parents..sounds like a huge part of it is his family...have everyone bring covered dish...it's a 2 year old's birthday party celebrating HER not his dad

    You're going to be so pi$$ed and stressed you won't even be able to enjoy the party that belongs to your child and it'll never come back.

    If his dad won't eat what you fix, then he'll be hungry when he gets home and his mom can deal with it. Not your day to babysit....other than to enjoy your childs day that will only come once at 2.

    There will be other meals that don't mean so much personally to you and your baby...that day his dad can rule
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    Registered User spyzvixxen's Avatar
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    His mom did offer to make the food and bring it. I feel bad though cause she always does all the parties. Let's face it, she's up there in age and just plain tired and I think she deserves to be a guest for once.

    My mom doesn't cook. My Aunt does all the holidays.

    I'm making this a bigger deal in my mind. It's the 2nd dinner curveball that DF threw me that has me stinkin' mad. What started off as pizza turned into getting catering from the grocery to me doing 2 dinners so as to keep everyone happy.

    You guys are all right. This is our daughter's birthday, not some fancy "impress all" dinner. I hope they all enjoy some good 'ol fashioned pin the tail on the donkey and musical chairs! =)

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    lol-I'm seeing youer pink avatar bird hopping up and down. I wanted to be supportive but not cause a family war. Would your DH sit down and talk about this w/ you. I often think my DH callous only to discover he's just clueless instead.
    Of course I don't know your MIL but my mom (78) lives to bring food places. She bakes for church all the time and complains their greedy but just try and make her quit,dare ya.lol We all get insulted if we can't bring something. To me,and I'm not there,sounds like you are pressuring yourself the most?? Cut yourself some slack.

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    Well, after a surprise visit tonight from his family, I really do think his Mom lives to cook. She insisted on making the pork, as if she would be offended not to. So, let her do it!! =) Yay! DF was just being a schmuck.

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    Yeah- forget doing dinner. Invite everyone over for cake at an in between time and keep it short! I know realistically that may not work for you and we usually go all out too, but from time to time we have done a cake only party at like 2 or 3 and it was great- and really perfect length for little one anyways.

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    I would keep this strictly a childs party. I know it's a personal choice but i never liked people drinking around my kids.I would just keep it simple.

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    Quote Originally Posted by spyzvixxen View Post
    Well, after a surprise visit tonight from his family, I really do think his Mom lives to cook. She insisted on making the pork, as if she would be offended not to. So, let her do it!! =) Yay! DF was just being a schmuck.
    Yay! Some moms miss all that cooking when their kids leave the nest.

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    we dont drink so when we host family parties at our house its BYOB .
    really when did a family gathering become a high end banquet to please all in attandence - this is not a dinner party for adults its a kids party . and as far as seating i have noticed that most people end upstanding no matter how many seats we have out.

    if dh wants all these extras have him buy then out of his spending money or cook them etc stuff that is not really needed but being done to impress shouldnt come out of regular budget

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    here's my take on what you said:
    1. dh wants you to do a special menu (umm what's wrong with him- his decision then his problem to solve so what if he works.... and you don't please )
    2. booze at a kids party (not a good idea around all the kids but since it's only going to be 2 children then it's not a party for them it's for the adults with children present-so let the participants bring their own booze of choice)\
    3. the old coot who will not eat unless it is ............ then I guess the old coot will go home hungry. he's being invited then he should respect the pizza aspect and so should your dh.
    4. make it a potluck..... that way everyone can bring what they want to eat and you don't have to cook.

    glad your mil is going to help but it would not be happening at my house. dh needs to understand that you work even if you don't put money into the bank......

    we have a cake, present, card, balloons, a friend or two and kids favorite meal.

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    Thread is two years old

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