Age Gaps

**Menifeemom** · 11-01-2011, 03:12 PM

Just wanting some input from people who have kids or were kids with a large age gap between the youngest and the older siblings. We have three daughters very close in age who are now around middle school age/upper elementary. Then this past year we were surprised to learn we were expecting again. We now have a 6 week old baby boy. I look at him and then watch the older three doing everything together and wonder if it would be better if he had a sibling close in age to him. My husband and I never really set a limit to the number of kids we were going to have and he actually was the first to voice the opinion that it might be nicer for him to grow up with someone else. His younger brother was basically an only child because of the age gap and isn't really connected to his older siblings. My hubby doesn't want that for our son. Any thoughts, ideas, ways to make it work without having more kids, regrets for not having more kids....etc. I just want to hear more so I have plenty to think about this next year as we try to decide what would be right for us to do for our family.

**erinalexmom** · 11-01-2011, 03:41 PM

I am 9 years older than my sister and as adults we are now close. Its really because we are at the same place in life. I had my kids late and she had hers early so we both have small kids.
My stepdaughter is 17 and my daughter (with my dh) is 6 and my son (also dh's) is 4 and I have to say that I am so glad I made the choice to have my kids close together. My kids love thier big sister but the two little ones are the best of friends. I get asked all the time if they are twins. They fight like cats and dogs sometimes but they cannot live without each other! Nothing makes me happier than when they snuggle up together in one bed and fall asleep or I overhear them tell each other they love each other. One day my son said he would become and prince and marry his sister so she could become a real princess. Thats how much they love each other. Its great

**Momto5RN** · 11-01-2011, 04:48 PM

i have 5 kids - 23 20 17 14 and 10
i love watching the 23 yo interact with the 10 yo ( both boys )
we have more gender issues then age issues
the girls ( 20 and 14 ) tend to drive the boys of any age batty or annoy them .

when my youngest started K my oldest started college - he really missed him when he was away at college and loves having him home again now that he has graduated .

the 23 yo will come home from work and plays baseball/catch with the 10 yo .

i think personality plays a bigger role then age .

**mh3rdwheel** · 11-01-2011, 05:59 PM

Originally Posted by Menifeemom

Just wanting some input from people who have kids or were kids with a large age gap between the youngest and the older siblings. We have three daughters very close in age who are now around middle school age/upper elementary. Then this past year we were surprised to learn we were expecting again. We now have a 6 week old baby boy. I look at him and then watch the older three doing everything together and wonder if it would be better if he had a sibling close in age to him. My husband and I never really set a limit to the number of kids we were going to have and he actually was the first to voice the opinion that it might be nicer for him to grow up with someone else. His younger brother was basically an only child because of the age gap and isn't really connected to his older siblings. My hubby doesn't want that for our son. Any thoughts, ideas, ways to make it work without having more kids, regrets for not having more kids....etc. I just want to hear more so I have plenty to think about this next year as we try to decide what would be right for us to do for our family.

I regrets at not being able to have any kids with my DH Walt, (we have been married, will be 9 years on Dec 6th, I chose to have my tube tied after ds Brad was born, because of my son Nicholas was born with severe birth defects that eventually caused his death, with every child I have it was a 50% chance of it happening again.

My dd and ds are 5 years apart, they have a half sister 2 years older than ds ad 3 years younger than dd. My kids have a brother that is the same age as their mother (me), and another brother 39yrs old.

Also I have 3 older siblings that are in their 60', and one has a son my age. I never had much to do with my older relatives, we never grew up together, (long story), and my kids do not know their older siblings.

**Nishu** · 11-01-2011, 06:29 PM

My oldest is 10 and my youngest is 3. It's not a huge age gap, but it's big enough that they won't be 'friends' in the way that a traditional friend is, at least not for awhile. They adore each other though. My 3 year old gets plenty of interaction from her big sisters, and her big sisters enjoy doting on her.

They're constantly spoiling her and telling her how cute she is. It's become such a habit that my 3yo has developed a bit of an ego. I told her to stop doing something one time, and she replied with "But mom, I'm so cute!" The other day she told me she was the prettiest baby in the world. (Exact wording her sisters use.) My big kids help her get dressed, encourage her to behave, and teach her all that fun preschool stuff that she needs to know.

At six weeks old, he's not going to be very interactive. As he gets older, your older kids will want to spend more time with him. If you want more kids, have more kids... but don't worry about him having companionship just yet. He might actually enjoy being the spoiled baby just like my youngest does. If you have another, he'll actually be unseated as the baby and he'll have a lot more competition for attention.

**MissSeetonFan** · 11-01-2011, 06:43 PM

My mom had seven kids in 10 years. While there wasn't an age gap larger than 2 years between any one of us, the oldest was 10 years older than the youngest. Somehow they got it perfect, three girls sandwiched between 2 boys above and 2 boys below. You'd think that having somebody of your same general age and same gender would help.

Fast forward many years. Us girls have gotten along pretty well for the most part from the beginning. The boys on the other hand, turns out personality-wise that the oldest of each set of boys gets on best together and the youngest of each set of boys. They do all get along well together as adults but growing up there were issues. It wasn't until they were adults that we figured out who matched who best.

So age gaps sometimes make a difference and sometimes not. But in the end, it may not matter anyway.

**frugalfranny** · 11-02-2011, 12:04 AM

Originally Posted by Momto5RN

i think personality plays a bigger role then age .

Or at least is certainly a HUGE FACTOR ........

Also is how the parents are with the kids........as long as the parents make them RESPECT each other...........part of the key!

**PlainCash4** · 11-02-2011, 12:27 AM

When i was born my siblings were 4, 6, 9 , 14 and 17. The day i was born, my oldest sister was working part time in the hospital...lol.

**krbshappy71** · 11-02-2011, 05:32 PM

A friend of mine has a 6 year old daughter, and now her oldest daughter just had the first grandbaby.

Its odd to me, the 6 yr old is an aunt? Will she feel like an aunt or a big sister to the grandbaby?

My friend is very happy she made the choice to have "just one more" with her new husband. He had teens as well when they met. They both just wanted one together and seem very happy with their choice.

If you and your hubby are both on board, I would vote for another so your youngest will have a sibling and also so you don't end up with "what if?" regrets later since its already crossing your mind. Its obvious you both love children, we need more loved children in this world.

**Menifeemom** · 11-02-2011, 06:51 PM

Thank you all for your input. We have a lot of discussing to do, but I think my hubby is all for one more. His brother is 16 years younger than he is and recently told us how disconnected he feels from the rest of the family. He said he hates it when they all get together and his older siblings talk about old times because the often talk about vacations and things that he can't remember. He said he often wished for someone he could share memories with and that really hit my husband hard. We'll see if he still feels this way in a year and maybe give it a try.

**bonnotsm9** · 11-02-2011, 06:58 PM

I have seven children. The oldest is 18, the youngest 7. Those two don't interact bunch. There's not a whole lot kids those ages would want to do together anyway. (They are both boys.)

I have siblings 2 years older, 2 years younger, 13 years older, and 18 years older than I am. I'm closest to the one 18 years my senior. Personality does have much more to do with it, imo.

ETA: When we were growing up, it was just my two closest in age siblings and I at home. My sisters played more together than I did with either of them, even though they are 4 years apart. They are still closer as adults.

**Uniwolf** · 11-02-2011, 07:10 PM

I am the baby, my sister is 9 yrs older than me and my brother is 10 yrs older than me. My brother and I get along wonderfully, always have. My sister on the other hand. From what I understand it was not a pleasent place when they had me. I do know that I had a broken arm at 18 months because of her. As well as being locked in closets ect.
So I would say that it is all about the personalities of all involved.

**jas** · 11-02-2011, 07:26 PM

I am the youngest and only girl, my oldest brother is 13 years older than me, then the next is 12 years older, and the closest to me is 6 years older than me. The brother that is 6 years older than me is the only one that I can remember ever living with growing up. I don't have any memories of living with my two oldest brothers. For a good bit of my growing up I felt much like an only child and then being the only girl was an issue too. I am pretty close to all my brothers now even though two of them live in different states that I do.

My own kids are 7 1/2 years apart and the oldest is a boy the youngest is a girl. I would say that they are pretty close right before my ds got married and moved out they were probably the closest they have ever been. Didn't seem that there was all that much age gap. Ds's wife is 24 and dd is 18 so they get along pretty well also.

**Momto5RN** · 11-02-2011, 10:31 PM

my husbands oldest sister married young and at 20 had a son who now has a 3 yo daughter 'my husbands youngest brother married mid 30s and has a 1 yo daughter

over 25 years difference between the nephew who is a father and the youngest neice who is youger than her first cousins child

had a friend growing up whose little sister was a year younger than the oldest brothers son so she was a aunt as soon as she was born.

**mh3rdwheel** · 11-02-2011, 10:34 PM

Originally Posted by krbshappy71

A friend of mine has a 6 year old daughter, and now her oldest daughter just had the first grandbaby.

Its odd to me, the 6 yr old is an aunt? Will she feel like an aunt or a big sister to the grandbaby?

My friend is very happy she made the choice to have "just one more" with her new husband. He had teens as well when they met. They both just wanted one together and seem very happy with their choice.

If you and your hubby are both on board, I would vote for another so your youngest will have a sibling and also so you don't end up with "what if?" regrets later since its already crossing your mind. Its obvious you both love children, we need more loved children in this world.

My nephew will be 43 this month, I am already 43. Jay's mom was 19 when she had him., she is now 62.