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  1. #1
    Registered User patra's Avatar
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    Default Not A new member but been lurking

    Hi folk
    It's been a long time since I have posted. i have moved in the past year, given my children to my ex( we have joint custody), and lost my father, subsequently inherited a good deal of money. I don't want to make the mistake of being comfortable with my inheritance thus squander it, my father would be quite displeased to say the least. I have almost five years of continuous sobriety now but have been hositalized as many times the past cyclical year for stress and resurgence of symptoms of my mental illness.i have inherited in trust the family house, where my brother has been liveing for the past year( he moved in when I moved out to care for dad, we moved out because CPS was calle due to my fathers drinking, while my son was in the hospital he talked of dad drinking too many beers,). My brother and I are on uncertain terms, he doesn't want to live in the house, however he is angry with me for all the times Ive screwed up in the past( we are both in recovery) and I made an attempt at an amends but didn't keep my big dumb mouth shut. TIME. At any rate, the time I will move is uncertain. I have a bad sending habit, and frequently switch addictions from shopping to scratch off tickets and food, I am working a second sixth and seventh step. I am having a slow recovery. I havea good sponser and make meetigs almost daily. I live with my boyfriend in a house we rent with his son and brother. I just got a new job with bed bath and beyond, at 9.25 hr, but for less then 30 hours a week. I inherited around 250,000$ plus the hous is worth 500,000, and another sum is in trust for the house's upkeep 500,000$ not to mention the mone distributed among my four siblings.....I need to work this so I can live and not blow this chance of a lifetime. My father was a wealthy man though troubled and sad. I come to ask for advice and for support from a frugal perspective. I hope all are well.

    Patty

    PS ny dad's death broke my heart

  2. #2
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    patra-welcome back. So sorry to hear of you losing your Ddad no matter what the circumsatnces. I lost mine a week shy of 2 ys. ago. It is harder w/ unresolved hurts and issues but you can forgive and let go little by little.
    I would suggest a money manager of sorts in your case. Like an allowance. Would you want to live in that house so no rent or would it be healthier for you to sell it. Does Dbro have somewhere else to go. I know that he has cash too but does he have a recovery buddy?
    Alot on your plate again. Keep doing your best and striving for more. I hope thing inheritance is a blessing not a burden. hugs.

  3. #3
    Registered User pinetree's Avatar
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    Welcome back, I'm so sorry about you losing you Dad. I ahve no advice for you but you are right, you need to find a way to use it the right way and dont just blow it. Good Luck, It will all work out for you.
    Pine trees, with their needles pointing up to heaven, represent everlasting light and life.

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  5. #4
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    Welcome back... a money Manger is what u need.... I would seriously think of what I wanted if I wanted the house v or not good v luck to u.hugs..

  6. #5
    Registered User ilovechocolate's Avatar
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    It really hurts to lose your dad. The 20-year anniversary of my Daddy's homegoing is coming up and I still miss him every day.

    You definitely need someone to manage that money for you, otherwise it will be gone before you know it. Perhaps you need to be given an allowance and shown how to budget it. I have no idea how to go about finding someone, though, unless you have a really close friend with fabulous money skills and in whom you have much confidence. Do you have an accountant? If so, talk to him/her for advice. You would be charged a fee for the visit, but it would be worth it.

  7. #6
    Registered User Rona's Avatar
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    Welcome back, so sorry to hear about your Da.

  8. #7
    Registered User patra's Avatar
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    hello again-

    the money is going to be in two or more ira's that Ill be receiving dividends from.Im not as worried about spending it, Im more worried about the house...Im seeing a financial advisor at my bank,and any other money my sister is trustee of and has been good about giving me and allowance so far.My brother is at the house now and generally angry with everyone , especially with me right now...the dynamic of my family has changed.Im really sad about all this tonight and ready to just stay here rent with my boyfriend and let the family figure out what to do with it all....

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    They will be a period of chaos for sure. Even in the best families people act out after a death. My Dmom was super unreasonable after it. She is child like and never took care of herself. She wanted to dump her life on me. I said no but I will teach you to be independent. She was furious for a long while. Noe she rides the senior bua and mail orders her own pills,hires people to do work,etc,
    Dbro was disfunctional and clueless. I guess I just was super frustrated w/ everyone going limp on me. I'm a dig in person so I just wanted to walk away.
    Your brother might not have the emotional tools to deal w/ this. Family counceling might help but I know it takes chloroform to get some people there. I dont think I could ever get mine in.
    I agree that outside professionals sound like your best bet. They will have no emotion about things and can think out the options better.
    Hugs

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    Do you pay child support? IIRC, its been an extremely hard road for them. The children should benefit from this as well.

    What about your SSI?

    I would let someone else handle all this...seriously, from all your past posts.

  11. #10
    Registered User patra's Avatar
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    I haven't been paying child support as I have had no income until now. I haven't received any money yet,one account I will receive dividends from. the others I will roll over into and IRA and set up two Totten accounts for my children. They are named beneficiaries on all the accounts on the paperwork I have submitted.I woked a total of four months since December of last year, so I needed SSI now it has dropped and I have paid for empire blue cross that begins October 1st.As far as trustee, my sister is the trustee of the money for the house, she is a lawyer and pretty savvy. I have come a long way in my recovery from mental illness as well as drinking. I will have five years in March. My BF has 30 years sober. I have a job now at bed bath and beyond, I just started last week. I was overwhelmed by all of this, now I am getting clearer, I need to show restraint with my compulsive/impulsive nature; as well as the "need" for immediate gratification. I opened a couple credit cards(store cards, macys tjmaxx)I thouhgt that I had things under control without credit , living withhin my means, was in denial since I begged and borrowed to maintain my compulsion...I am more aware of my defects. What I need to mind is that I have t pay my health insurance and car insurance each month, which comes to more than 500$, I should make around 800 a month. So anyway I am rambling. things are good, i am stabilizing, will have to get a doctor with the new insurance. the regimen of medicine I am on is working really well , I am attending meetings and have a great sponser. I am checking out an OA meeting tomorrow, as eating is an addiction( as well as shopping and scratch offs sex you name it). I really have no problems to speak of, nothing like I went through before, the ast few years, Life is good.


    Patty

  12. #11
    Registered User patra's Avatar
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    there was a third credit card I failed to mention, and I put money on that in hopes of starting a home based business, now am really having second thoughts.... maybe i can return the product.....

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