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  1. #16
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    Does BF family have a room you can stay in for a little while so you can save up some money to get on your feet? I would definitely demand that BF be in the picture- it will be a lot easier to make it with 3 of you than with just you and a baby. He might be jobless currently, but it sounds like he needs to find something fast. Maybe even a couple somethings. I think he probably should be working as much as humanly possible for the moment to get you guys on your feet. Hopefully he can then cut down when the baby arrives and you have housing secured. Good luck!!
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  2. #17
    Registered User Lady_V's Avatar
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    I think with you being pregnant, that qualifies you for immediate health insurance coverage, as well as emergency food stamps.

    You were living in NJ for 2 weeks, and, it is the stable roof, It makes sense to have it tranferred. It's preferable to being caught commiting welfare fraud collecting in a state you don't live in.

    Will the father be living with you full-time once you find a place? Housing is usually for the "family" and don't allow the non-exclusive boyfriend.

    It's good that you are staying friends and close in this. I thought I read somewhere that he has another child. (If I'm right, have you talked to him about the relationship between the siblings?)

    It's a lot to take in and such a short time but it's time that you do what you HAVE to do with a straight head.

    ETA - you can't stay at dad's or wont? I cant understand why he would let you and Wayne live there, but not you and his first grandchild
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  3. #18
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    1. get a job
    2. get the father to be a man.
    3. This is no longer about what you want to do in life, your life now revolves about caring and providing for the baby. Welcome to adulthood.

    As for your Dad... I believe when you and Wayne were there, he and his new bride weren't happy you were there and if I recall, neither were you.

    as for jobs, if you aren't looking, you won't find one. I just looked on Craigslist in Philly and there are house cleaning jobs, handyman jobs, part time gigs, etc etc etc.
    take any job that pays. You're are going to need a lot of $ for that childs needs.
    ~Russ
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  5. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by AnW819 View Post
    Its gotta b in PA. Im not living with my dad full term now. Im mostly back in PA bc I am getting PA insurance and welfare and such. A room for rent might b okay but with a newborn?
    I was trying to stay out of this thread for fear I'd ge myself in trouble, but I'm just going to lay it out there.

    The attitude demonstrated in this post concerns me. You have no permanent residence. I don't think you have a steady source of income. You are unable to support yourself without assistance. I would think a rented room would be better than having no place to live.

    You don't have a newborn yet, and hopefully, won't for another 6ish months. Yu have plenty of time to live in one room, work your butt off, and save as much as you can. I hope you reread many of the posts here, particularly Sunshine's post about desperate situations. I hope you realize the desperation in your situation.

    And this is a little like beating a dead horse, and I hope I am making the wrong assumption, but if you are not in an exclusive relationship with someone, you need to always make sure that other person is wearing a condom. A baby is definitely not the worst thing that can occur from a sexual relationship.
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  6. #20
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    Where in PA do you live? When I lived in Harrisburg you could find a little apartment in the city for $300-$400 a month, and jobs were plentiful.
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  7. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by AnW819 View Post
    Okay :-) the father is 100% in the picture but just lost his job so be is searching. I currently do not have a job but I'm also searching. I just "moved" to jersey 2 weeks ago. Reason I need to go back to pa is bc that's where my state health insurance is n the day I move out of state it cancels and I don't have the time to apply in nj for medical for the baby. It took over a month just to get it in pa. It would cancel my food stamps and everything. And also this is where my bf family is all at, most of my family, and we want to stay in Philly. I'm 100% okay with a room for us, but it will b the 3 of us so finding someone okay with that may b tricky :-) im in no way going to have an abortion or give this baby up for adoption bc I was told I can't have kids and when married we tried for years so this is a miracle. God will provide :-) also with a baby on the way.. I cannot stay at my dads.
    God helps those who help themselves. Your dad will let your ex husband ( sidenote: make sure your divorce "ducks' are all in a row; some states recognize a current husband as the natural father regardless of bio status if divorce is not final) & you live in his home but not you & a baby? I would consider emergency shelters etc at this point, Ashley. I'm going to give it to you straight from the hip...You are in trouble. I know a baby is a blessing, miracle etc... All children are. But this is no joke. You have had a rough go of it for sure but now you are involving someone else. You are 23. It's time to "woman" up.

    How old is the dad? He has no job. That's bad news right there. He should be getting 10 jobs if need be. You are not in a full time relationship with this person. That worries me. You need to be prepared to raise this child, alone . I know right now it's all dreamy, unicorns & rainbows right now but ask any mother Ash... Raising children, working , money issues, food, housing, day care, medical bills (and that's just the beginning) is enough to bring a grown woman to her knees. I know, I've done it. You need to get into a stable position... in a hurry.

    Again, its the mom in me coming out...
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  8. #22
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    I don't want to say much but I do want to add one thing. Other than all the stuff already mentioned... money, housing, the father, etc. This is coming from personal experience. A friend of mine was in a similar situation years ago and had similar expectations/ideas/worries that you have. One of her biggest downfalls was when she only listened to friends who told her how great babies are and how sweet and what wonderful blessings they were. THey told her to call if she needed anything, they'd help babysit, their kids could play together, etc. One thing she didn't realize was SHE was the one who would be up at all hours with her baby and she was the one who it depended on. Those friends were great, during daytime hours when they weren't busy. She had the assumption that they'd be there all the time and they weren't. I know your friends and most friends will help but don't get into the comfortable idea that they'll be there all the time. I don't know if this is coming off the right way. I just want to make sure all those people filling your head with "ooohs, and aaaahhs" aren't making you live in a fantasy world because when this baby is born, real life is going to hit hard and fast.
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  9. #23
    Registered User LynnLC's Avatar
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    Yes Rhayne. It's is really difficult when you have been up all night with a baby to go to work in the morning. It's not all lollipops & and glitter like you think it will be in the beginning.
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    It can be tough. I was a young single mother to dd21 for her first 7 years. However, I was very independent and made sure I worked and had a home for her. It wasn't much...just a small apartment, but it was ours. I didn't have a life. I worked and came home and didn't get to hang out with friends or meet any potential boyfriends. I had a daughter to take care of. I was lucky though, I eventually did meet a wonderful single father and we hit it off and have been married almost 14 years now. Hang in there Ashley, you have a bumpy road ahead, but this isn't about you anymore.
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  11. #25
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    i am pretty sure you need a permanent residence adress for state aide
    i am confused how you were eligble for this so soon after discovering the pregnancy i always read of people needing to wait weeks for appts etc so i am not sure if this is a done deal or a plan of action.

    i dont want to appear doubtful i am just more confused because things dont fall in line.


    that said i am happy the babys father is in on it with you
    does he have family

    if you are eligble for aide in pa you wod be in nj also. i know living with your dad was no rainbow of fun but once a child is in the picture all that comes last , i think you said you lost your job bf lost his are you eligble for unemployment,


    and just a bit of info i was given today by a friend just in case bf would ever bail on you in riverside nj thete is a place called good counsel were single pregnant woman can live get job help.with schooling and even daycare while they work. to help them thru their situation and get on their feet hopefully info you wont need but at least youll know.
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  12. #26
    Registered User LynnLC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Momto5RN View Post

    i dont want to appear doubtful i am just more confused because things dont fall in line.
    Agreed. Maybe Ash will come back & clear it all up.
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  13. #27
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    Hi. You don't know me, but I used to be a regular around these parts

    I do not know your history and I make not judgements, but I just wanted to pop in and mention that it doesn't seem to me that you fully grasp the gravity of your situation.

    I had my first child when I was 28 years old. I was married to a man that has a wonderful job that provides more than enough, we were living in a house that we owned and I was fortunate to be able to be a SAHM.

    Even in that most ideal of situations, there were plenty of days when I sat in the closet and cried and thought over and over and over again "Oh, God, what have I gotten myself into?!?!"

    Yes, babies are a blessing. Yes, raising my children has been the most rewarding thing I've ever done with my life. Yes, when they are sound asleep and you sit next to their bed watching their breath go in and out, every stress you've ever felt suddenly disappears and you realize it's all been worth it.

    BUT ~ when you are in the middle of it, when all of that stress is bearing down on your shoulders IT SUCKS! It's hard!!! Just day to day life with kids is HARD (and I'm saying this having never had to worry about where our next meal would come from, having never had to worry about a roof over our head, having never had to worry about whether or not a paycheck would come on Friday.)

    You seem like a nice girl, but it also seems as if you are wearing rose colored glasses and you do not grasp how serious of a situation this is.

    Three people living in one room? No, that would not be ideal, but it sure beats the he!! out of living in a car. Or a shelter.

    Your number one priority right now: FIND. A. JOB. It doesn't matter if it's flipping burgers, dancing on the side of the road wearing a Statue of Liberty costume or being a greeter at the WallyWorld. YOU NEED INCOME.

    Number two: Find a place to live. A room, a family member? Someone's garage? Just get an address (at this point you do not have the luxury of being picky about what state you are in. If you find a place in NJ ~ TAKE IT ~ and then apply for assistance there. In your situation you should qualify for emergent help)

    God may provide, but he does not simply hand things to you. You are going to have to put in the effort. You are going to have sleepless nights. You need to be freaking out right now.

    What about prenatal care? Have you been to a clinic? Are you on vitamins? How is your nutrition?

    These are things you need to be thinking about right now. Your situation is DIRE. I do congratulate you on your pregnancy, but you need to be prepared for this. Your life no longer has anything to do with you. It's no longer about what you want, it's about what your baby needs.

    Good Luck to you.
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  14. #28
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    Don't forget to look into Habitat for Humanity

    I bought a house from them, changed my world.
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  15. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by krbshappy71 View Post
    Don't forget to look into Habitat for Humanity
    I don't think she would qualify... being unemployed, having no steady income, bad credit, pregnant and most likely not able to put much sweat equity in to it, and the upkeep and general financial responsibilities of home ownership...

    Be citizens or legal residents.
    Prove steady income.
    Have good credit.
    Earn a monthly income that falls within minimum and maximum limits, depending on household size.
    Sustain a savings account over a specified period of time.

    In addition, each partner family will be required to:

    Invest sweat-equity hours in building his/her home and others.
    Make an affordable down payment.
    Make timely mortgage payments.
    Attend homeowner education classes.
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  16. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady_V View Post


    I don't think she would qualify... being unemployed, having no steady income, bad credit, pregnant and most likely not able to put much sweat equity in to it, and the upkeep and general financial responsibilities of home ownership...

    I understand your reasoning based on that information, however as a home owner myself and being involved with Habitat both before and after becoming a home owner, also knowing some of the stories of my fellow neighbors who went through the process, I am suggesting to her that she look into it.

    "Nora Roberts-- If you don't go after what you want, you'll never have it. If you don't ask, the answer is always no. If you don't step forward, you're always in the same place."

    Best wishes Ashley!
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