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  1. #31
    Registered User CrazyCat's Avatar
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    Wow. I've been following Ashley's plight for awhile now...with the Dad and Wayne and all.

    I'm shocked that she would let herself get in that situation without realizing all the ramifications. I mean..she's been on here for awhile...and we've read many posts by her about being able to pay the bills..find a place to live..find a job. I'm without words.....that now with a baby on the way..I mean....OMG!

    HELLOOOOO~don't you know that you've just taken about 50 steps backwards...because now you don't have just yourself to worry about.

    ...."being unemployed, having no steady income, bad credit, pregnant". Says it [email protected]
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  2. #32
    Moderator Ceashels's Avatar
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    I think Ash has a growing awareness of her situation. There have been a lot of congratulatory posts as well as realistic posts in the thread.

    We need to keep the posts here constructive and supportive, please because criticism isn't helpful.
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  3. #33
    Registered User CrazyCat's Avatar
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    Does she Ceashells???? Because I don't think so.

    I'm not trying to be critical...I'm just trying to be realistic.

    I see an awful lot of congratulatory posts...and that's all fine....but when she posts for help because she can't make it..or wants advise......realizing her situation for what it is will be the most helpful.

    stepping out now....because really.....I can't congratulate her.
    I should take my mom's advise..."if you don't have anything nice to say..don't say anything at all. "
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  5. #34
    Registered User celina's Avatar
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    i think alot of us are worried.....a great thing if you (ashley) want lots of info NOW..is reread all the old threads where tons of people gave you great advice...

    ducks in a row...jobs ...NOW....and talk to your dad....NOW...

    get new guy setting himself up with job and apartment ..a studio apartment is fine....baby sleeps with us , i always wonder why we do a nursery...

    take our worries as concern...and show us and YOURSELF what you are made of
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  6. #35
    Moderator Ceashels's Avatar
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    Yes, I do think Ashley is starting to understand the ramifications of her situation.

    I do appreciate the realism of your post but I don't think constructive and supportive equate to being unrealistic. There are many constructive posts that are pointing her in good directions for finding information and resources for her and the baby, as well as good advice to get back on her feet asap.

    Is her situation ideal? Far from it. It is going to be one heck of a difficult journey for Ashley right now. But non constructive posts won't help her other than scare the heebiejeebies out of her. And I don't want the thread to become negative.

    Treading water is not an option right now. Action and direction are whats needed. We can point in the right directions but Ashley needs to take the steps.

    I recently saw my neighbors become so overwhelmed and fearful they couldn't act to help themselves. I don't want fear to prevent Ashley from moving forward in this situation. It needs to motivate her to take the next step.
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  7. #36
    Registered User Rhayne's Avatar
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    I personally want to see everyone, especially people like Ashley to get through tough times like this and come out the other side with a smile on their face. But sometimes in situations like this you HAVE to have the heebiejeebies scared out of you. Yes congratulations, advice, hugs, help and all that are great and she needs that just as much. But if all she sees is smiles and laughs then she's going to be filled with a wrong sense of everything is fine. Everything is definately not fine. I'm also sure there are plenty of woman here who were/are single and know what it's like to raise a child in dire situations. I just hope Ashley can learn from the advice she gets here and other places and goes in the right direction. You take the good with the bad. Sometimes someone has to tell you things you don't wanna hear. I wish her all the best.
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  8. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by AnW819 View Post
    Okay :-) Reason I need to go back to pa is bc that's where my state health insurance is n the day I move out of state it cancels and I don't have the time to apply in nj for medical for the baby. It took over a month just to get it in pa.
    Question...why don't you have the time? If you're only 3 months along you still have 6 months. You at this point have only JUST went to Planned Parenthood according to your first post....and just barely applied for medical as of the 21st. You could do the same in NJ and only be behind a couple of weeks. You can also reapply for food stamps in NJ. You aren't going to be turned down for either.

    I guess what a lot of people are wondering at this point is....what is it you are WANTING to do. A lot of suggestions have been thrown out there but all anyone is hearing is I can't do this and I can't do that. So please tell us what you CAN do or want and maybe someone can come up with other alternatives.

    WHY can't you stay at your dad's until whatever positive happens? It's a roof over your and the babies head. Is it that he won't let the boyfriend stay too? No one is understanding why everything is an "I can't" situation. Sometimes it's a case of "I have to".
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  9. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by NikoSan999 View Post
    Question...why don't you have the time? If you're only 3 months along you still have 6 months. You at this point have only JUST went to Planned Parenthood according to your first post....and just barely applied for medical as of the 21st. You could do the same in NJ and only be behind a couple of weeks. You can also reapply for food stamps in NJ. You aren't going to be turned down for either.

    I guess what a lot of people are wondering at this point is....what is it you are WANTING to do. A lot of suggestions have been thrown out there but all anyone is hearing is I can't do this and I can't do that. So please tell us what you CAN do or want and maybe someone can come up with other alternatives.

    WHY can't you stay at your dad's until whatever positive happens? It's a roof over your and the babies head. Is it that he won't let the boyfriend stay too? No one is understanding why everything is an "I can't" situation. Sometimes it's a case of "I have to".
    Very well said.
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  10. #39
    Registered User leighcat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ceashels View Post
    Yes, I do think Ashley is starting to understand the ramifications of her situation.

    I do appreciate the realism of your post but I don't think constructive and supportive equate to being unrealistic. There are many constructive posts that are pointing her in good directions for finding information and resources for her and the baby, as well as good advice to get back on her feet asap.

    Is her situation ideal? Far from it. It is going to be one heck of a difficult journey for Ashley right now. But non constructive posts won't help her other than scare the heebiejeebies out of her. And I don't want the thread to become negative.

    Treading water is not an option right now. Action and direction are whats needed. We can point in the right directions but Ashley needs to take the steps.

    I recently saw my neighbors become so overwhelmed and fearful they couldn't act to help themselves. I don't want fear to prevent Ashley from moving forward in this situation. It needs to motivate her to take the next step.
    Well said. I think now Ashley will feel she really has a reason to take steps. This baby is a miracle and I know Ashley will do anything and everything to give this little miracle the best she can.
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  11. #40
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    I know many scared young women that believe having a baby will secure a life for them. Public housing, food stamps, Wic, energy assistance and being home all day to play house with a babydoll.It does not work that way.Can you reach out to an unwed mother's shelter? You really need someone who can assist you with making responsible decisions on behalf of this child.Many have programs that will help you .There will be someone that can sit with you and talk, someone who can help you map out a future, plus help you in the here and now.Please don't hesitate. You must act now.
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  12. #41
    Registered User Michelle68's Avatar
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    Ashley, I was 19 and single when I had my daughter. From the beginning (actually when I told my boyfriend I was pregnant and he promptly broke up with me and demanded that I get abortion),I knew that I was essentially in it alone. The first thing I did was make an appointment with a doctor to start my prenatal care. I started with an OB/GYN that I was paying out of pocket, but quickly realized that with a minimum wage paying job and no insurance, I wasn't going to afford that for very long. I then began obtaining my care from the city health clinics. It was bare-bones, but it was good care and I was very appreciative for it.

    I also knew I had a big decision to make-- was I going to keep the baby or was I going to give it up for adoption? Like you, I had been told I may never have children due to gynecological problems I had had a couple of years earlier. Despite that, I knew that I had to do what was best for my baby. It wasn't just about me. I really put a lot of thought into my decision, even talking to others who had been in similar situations and either kept their baby, or gave them up for adoption. I went to adoption agencies and spoke with people who had adopted before I made the decision to keep my baby.

    When I did decide to keep her, I recognized that I would in all probability need financial help and housing. I moved back home with my mom. It was a difficult thing to do, but it had to be done. Being a divorced parent, she wasn't able to help financially, but I did have a roof over mine(and my future baby's) head. I went to the local social services office and signed up for whatever aid I qualified for at the time. I actually was not able to get Medicaid until I had my baby because I was working full time, but all my prenatal care was free through the free city clinics.

    After I had my daughter, I stayed with my mom for about a year until I could get back on my feet. I also still had the Medicaid, WIC and AFDC for about 3 months until I could find a job with insurance. I also had to find a trust-worthy babysitter to watch my little one while I was working and that was mighty expensive. Not only that, Caiti (my daughter) had been born with some brain damage due to having the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck during birth and she was colicky. I don't think I slept well for at least a year.

    The big mistake I really made was not going to court to make her biological father take responsibility. I had too much pride and was determined to do it on my own. Looking back, this really wasn't fair to my little girl. She needed that support and he needed to be helping her, even if I didn't think he would be a good presence in her life.

    Ashley, I know you're very excited about having this baby, especially since you never thought you'd be able to become pregnant, but the reality is it's hard being a mom. It takes every bit of your energy and from the day that little being comes into this world, your every effort needs to be made to protect and provide for your child.

    I don't think other posters here are trying to criticize. They are just trying to impress upon you (now that you have decided to keep your baby) that you need to take care of yours and the baby's survival (housing, food, etc.) and that you need to start taking care of it now. That will involve much sacrifice on your part. Find a job (even if it's part-time), start looking into social services and save, save, save. No concerts, eating out, etc. As many of the other posters know from experience, when you have a baby to look after, it becomes so much more than just about what you want. It becomes all about what your little one needs.

    Good luck.
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  13. #42
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    Nice post Michelle!
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  14. #43
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    I agree nice post michelle...
    babies are hard work and yes i have had to live places Iwas unhappy to have a roof I could afford over our heads it is 23 years later every sleepless night was worth it...
    working 2 jobs to keep us up was worth it....
    help from the government was worth it..

    I know u are sick and don't feel like working get a job..
    get to a doctor..
    get the cheapest safest place u can to live... I put a kitchen chair under the door and sticks in the windows to keep them breaking in very crappy windows.
    get child support from the dad, a man can make a baby but a woman is always more responsible for it.... even if u 2 are getting married until then when it is born he pays

    If u have to have welfare well that is what it is for .. a 5 year limit.. get a good trustworthy baby sitter and pay them..u won't good care pay for it..

    there is no shame in needing help.... u will find lots of good advice here on finances, mothering, budgets, ect..

    it will be hard and it was 4 me my daughter did not sleep all night long till she 4...it was hard and i suffered..
    I worked 2 much and didn't take care fo my self all for my daughter..
    the only advice I would really want to give u is to do your best don't let other's judgment put u down... all kids need is a safe roof over there head, food, and parents that love them... all that stuff is just gravy. nice but not needed .hugs God Bless
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    I think that regardless of what everyone says, baby is coming. Babies are a blessing- congrats! I am very thankful to be a mother and hope every woman who wants to be a mother has an opportunity to be one. That being said, I also hope that you take this wonderful gift and do everything you can to make their life as best as possible. Meet with the father. Come up with a plan. Everyone needs a job NOW. That isn't even negotiable. Anything you can find. Anything he can find. You need safe housing. Again, anything you can find- one room will work as long as it has the basics. Babies don't need nearly as much stuff as many people think. Ask around, watch freecycle, etc. You can probably get almost everything you NEED. It is time to get serious, but don't panic. You have 6 months to get your life in order- time to get to work planning an excellent future!
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    Ashley, I wish that you were an imaginary character caught in a very badly written soap opera. Then we could just do a little erasing, a little re-writing, and Sha-Boom! All your problems are solved.

    But we are dealing with reality, albeit a reality that has had a lot of drama. You have been given some wake up calls and some excellent advice. My advice to add to that is to find a pro-life pregnancy center that can help. The one in our area makes sure that you get your vitamins, get nutritional counseling, get parenting education, have availability to community resources, have maternity clothing, and have beginning baby items, such as a car seat, a blanket, bottles and formula, and some diapers, among other things. There is no cost for this, but the clients are to attend the parenting classes, and do some volunteer work around the center. You also might need to seek out a women's shelter for a while, where you will have a bed and a meal or two a day. And if you have been in non-exclusive relationships, for heaven's sake, get yourself tested for disease.
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