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Thread: In-laws constant disapproval
02-24-2015, 10:44 AM #1
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In-laws constant disapproval
My In-laws have a really bad record of getting upset every time they hear someone is pregnant. It is never 'good news' it is always a cause for worry and stress and with our last my FIL outright demanded to know which one of us was 'getting fixed'. I come from a huge family and pregnancy is always a cause for celebration. We are pregnant with #4 and I'm ready to tell everyone but my husband is not. I know it is because he doesn't want to deal with his family and I've already threatened to tell them via a facebook announcement. But I'm 8 weeks today and I'm going to be pretty visibly pregnant within a couple weeks at most.
I know that at least for my MIL and her husband the worry is money. But my husband makes good money now and we are fairly good with our money. They think our house is too small, what they don't know is that my parents forgave us the debt on our house so now we own it outright. Honestly I don't want to tell them. My Father forgave the debt because he wants his kids to be in good financial positions. We aren't perfect but I'm a stay at home parent, we homeschool, I am very frugal about food (minus eating out, it is our biggest weakness), I yardsale, we buy stuff at auction. Our issue with space is too many toys and clothes! So it is incredibly frustrating to me that they are so anti-babies. My sister-in-law is single and pregnant. She is 28 years old and thrilled, I"m pretty sure I'm the only person who just gave her a hug and said congratulations. I guess I come from a very different background and while we had thought we were done with 3 we found that we really did want another and we are both happy about it. Minus having to deal with very anti-baby in-laws who are going to immediately change their mind and act like it was all their idea the minute the baby is actually born.
02-24-2015, 11:35 AM #2
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Congratulations!! I kinda miss the "baby days".
We endured the homeschool disapproval from both sides, but especially the in-laws. Even when my daughter graduated from homeschool there was no high school graduation card. My parents eventually came around. ( I suspect that had something to do with her ACT score.) I don't know how my mother-in-law can explain my daughter's college success--3.9 grade point average, phi theta kappa, etc. Hello! Clearly homeschool can produce educated students!
You just can't please some people.
02-24-2015, 12:12 PM #3
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wow, sad that they feel that way. Try to ignore their negativity and surround yourself with loving people who ARE happy for you.
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02-24-2015, 12:21 PM #4
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That is sad. I agree with the others. Ignore them and just be happy. Tell them they don't have to babysit or visit when the baby is young and make sure they know you don't want their money. I would never tell them that your parents gave you the home. They'll probably think you expect money from them also.
Negative people are just negative.
02-24-2015, 05:31 PM #5
Congratulations!! What a blessing and I can see that it must be wearing to have constant disapproval from your in laws when they should be excited. Maybe write them a letter explaining to them that you are excited to be having another child and kindly tell them that negativity is just not an option :-) Perhaps that will help. BTW my cousin and his wife are expecting #13 and are over the moon excited about it.
02-24-2015, 05:35 PM #6
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congratulations! I would not worry about. They have no say unless you are asking them for money. Or the kids are going w/o basics.
02-24-2015, 07:24 PM #7
Congrats! I think Giro said it best, the part about negative people being, well, negative people. Don't let their bad attitude drag you down in this time of joy. And if they're nay-sayers throughout the pregnancy and then adore the baby the moment it's born, do your best to let it go, as hard as it may be. Kids can't have too many people who love them in their lives! I also would not tell them about the forgiven loan. It's simply not their business.
If they can't share your joy (yet), let it be their problem, not yours. Some people seem to thrive on creating issues where there are none. Just concentrate on having the best pregnancy you can!
02-25-2015, 08:48 AM #8
I agree with the others...and a BIG Congrats to you and your amazing family! I have always wanted a fourth child, but my health is too much at risk. I was high risk for the 3 I have.
My inlaws were always the ones who were happy. To the point of smothering them and us. Heck, they even made fake birth certificates with THEM as their parents. Scary, I know...My parents were the ones who ALWAYS had something negative to say about all 3 of my kids...and anything else we did...and they only claimed the title of a grandparent when it served them right. Needless to say, none of my family is part of my familys' life per MY say.
Dont let the negativity steal your joy and happiness....I wish you all the best and I am positive all will be just fine
02-25-2015, 02:20 PM #9
Congratulations! We have 7 kids. My mother disapproved. I ignored her. Since it was my side being negative, I handled it. Dh married me, not my family and their attitudes.
02-25-2015, 05:07 PM #10
Since they change their minds when the babies are born; could it be some sort of fear or cultural thing dating back to times with higher risks connected to pregnancies and births? My family doesn't officially buy anything for babies before they are born and everything is well. It is some sort of "bad luck" superstition. They will secretively knit stuff and carve cradles and stuff, or even buy things and hide it, but baby showers are not done.Total paid/saved: $214 900
Total goal: $304 900
To do: $90 000
02-25-2015, 11:45 PM #11
Congratulations to you both!!
02-27-2015, 09:50 PM #12
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Thanks everyone! I haven't been on for a few days. I think they do worry about the money and the size of the house etc. The funny part is some of my friends came by this week and helped me clean and re-organize my house and suddenly I have plenty of space! They love the babies once they are here and my mil especially would give them anything they asked for. I am feeling a lot better emotionally, I told one of my sisters today and will tell the rest of my family when I see them this week. My Husband told his sister the other day and apparently she just said congrats. I'm guessing all the negativity surrounding her pregnancy opened her eyes to the fact that babies aren't a bad thing. Either he will tell the rest of his family or the kids will but I won't. I don't plan to tell them about the loan because we have already heard enough crap for the fact that we got it in the first place. I realize that we are very blessed by my parents but I also can see that we do work hard to live within our means and I would not have accepted the forgiveness of the loan but that wasn't an option without being unacceptably rude and ungrateful.
I doubt that it is the 'risky' side of pregnancy. According to my MIL I have 'easy' pregnancies and labors. I had a homebirth with my last and will do with this one as well. Rowen was born in two hours, Keegan in four and with Timothy everything got messed up by the medwives, nurses and o.b.'s so while he was 24 hours it wasn't what would have happened without all their meddling. So yes I have a fairly easy time of it I guess.
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