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01-28-2008, 03:43 PM #1
Baby or No baby?? That is the question!
It seems that everyone in the forum is pregnant, or has had a baby. I've been married for about a year now and I'm undecided about having children. Part of me thinks that I don't want them, I don't want to have to wake up all night long, or put vacations on the back burner and so on.. Then part of me really wants to have a baby with my husband. I wish there was a way you could have a baby and it could instantly turn into a grown child... I of course know that’s not how it works. Was anyone else unsure? Is that something all parents dread about getting pregnant ( the sacrafices ) Any advice?
01-28-2008, 04:05 PM #2
I wouldn't let this stress you too much, remember you've only been married a year! (Smiles) I was married 6 before my daughter was born. We wanted to wait until a baby would fit better into our schedules. I wanted to be through with my master's and have a teaching job. We also wanted to wait until we had a bigger house. I think that if you want to have kids it will just hit you square in the face and you will just KNOW. It's ok if this hasn't happened for you yet. One of my best friends has ALWAYS said that she's not the motherly type and that kids are too much trouble and didn't fit into her professional track . Lo and behold, she's due in March and plans to nurse and use cloth diapers. That's a total 360!
If you decide that an infant isn't right for you and your husband, you could always adopt an older child, or even become foster parents.
Again, I wouldn't stress too much if I were you. How does your husband feel?
01-28-2008, 04:11 PM #3
My husband is ok either way. He already had a child from a previous marriage. I think sometimes it concerns him because he is 10 yrs older then me, and he feels he already went thru the diaper and mid-night feeding stage- but he says if I do he will, if not- no big deal.
Since he is older ( he's not old, just older then me 26/35 ) I just don't want to wait to long. I don't want him to be retiring with little kids running around... hahaha
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01-28-2008, 04:12 PM #4
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I agree. We were married 6 years before our first. I was unsure I wanted children. If you never feel the pull to have one that is ok. Not everyone wants kids. Give it some time. Dh and I played like crazy those first six years so the inconveniences haven't seemed so great.
01-28-2008, 04:13 PM #5
We had planned on waiting. We are now the age we expected to START having babies!! Ack. They're a blessing really. But you gotta do what's right for you. If waiting is right, do it.
01-28-2008, 05:45 PM #6
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IMHO, I think it's something that you should know for sure you want to do-- if you're not positive, maybe wait. I desperately wanted my children and there were times, and still are, when I'm just plain tired of taking care of them all the time. I'm a person who needs time to myself to read or do crafts or whatever. (That's not to say that I don't love my kids more than anything in this world! I'm just saying it's hard sometimes to always have to put them first-- you are right to be thinking about the sacrifices involved.) I'm just thinking if you weren't 100% sure you wanted the baby to begin with, that might be harder to deal with.
02-03-2008, 07:10 AM #7
Children do not get easier as they get older ..i had step kids first.. OMG my mom used to call me a hoodlem... HA!! Can you say angel.. A..N..G..E..L compared to these kids. I stayed in my room did my home work got straight A's except for english solid B * bleck *. Read most of the time instead of watching tv. I used to make my mom dinner and took care of her when she was sick. I was a little hermit( would rather be reading a book then helping garden my moms flower garden with my gandmother making snippy remarks the whole time) and hated doing dishes.
These kids had issues i had come into their lives when they were 7, 11, and 13 and was their primary care giver for 3 years. Would leave their dirty underwear in the middle of the hall. All their things were ALL OVER. Their idea of cleaning their room was bringing all their clothes they never put away to the laundry and stuffing the toys under the bed. Never did chores. Would talk back and fuss. Didn't know how to respect people, their mom started calling the oldest ma'am so so all of them thought people had to respect her first before she would respect them.
Yet the hugs, the quiet times when they are just cuddled up on the couch with yah watching a movie, the i love you's, the ( accidental in my case since i was the evil STEP)mom it some how makes up for it all.
I love those kids to death still although i never see them. They are living with their mom now. There isn't a week that goes by that i do not think about them and worry for how they are doing and hope that they can become good moral citizens and not end up in ruts like both of their parents seem to be stuck in.
Now i will be having my first baby.. my mom and grandmother are all worried about my first few months. My grandmother in her last email told me to act like a grown up and i would be okay. Of course in her email telling me mom had told her i was pregnant she told me she was sorry. I will never be an adult in their eyes always their little girl.. i was an only child .. and an only grand child til i was 20 then my cousins were born they are still little 7 and 4.
02-03-2008, 07:14 PM #8
i want another one but im waiting to see how our bills will be in a few months and i want to lose about 20 pounds b4 we start.
02-03-2008, 08:26 PM #9
I was married at 29, had my masters but didn't have my dream job. We got pg the first month of marriage. Then as you can see by my sig., we defied every type of birth control out there. Anyway, I wasn't ready but had to get ready quickly. I would wait until you really, really want children. Maybe, that time will never come but if it does you won't be able to deny it. Children are a blessing as any mother will tell you but that first baby changes your life forever. I would enjoy your life as it is and don't live up to anyone else's expectations of what you "should be". If a child is going to be in your life it will come.
02-04-2008, 09:30 AM #10
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I don't think anyone is ever sure they are ready for kids.
I have always been non-traditional, and I never planned on getting married or having kids. Well, if you look at my siggy...alot has changed. I've been married for almost 8 years and I have 2 boys, and am a stay at home mom, to boot.
I agree with you on with one thing though...babies are no fun. I would love to have more kids, but I was so miserable when my kids were 0-6 months or so, that I don't plan on having anymore! I think for me, it was a combination of adjusting to a new baby, no sleep and mild post partum depression that was never treated. I was just really, really miserable for a few months after each of my boys were born.
If kids came out at about 12 months old, I'd have 10 of them!
You'll know at some point which way you want to go! Don't stress about it!
02-04-2008, 03:19 PM #11
We've been married about a year too, and are in NO RUSH. We're 27 and 31, and we've set goals for before we have kids:
- we want to own the house free and clear
- we want to see the world together (all six continents ... 3 done so far)
- we want to be well on our way to retirement, financially speaking.
We think we'll have all this done by 2012.
Kids are beautiful and wonderful, but they are also expensive anchors that will make it difficult to achieve your dreams if you have them too early. There is no rush at all. Also, resist cultural temptations. Where we live (NYC) it's really uncommon to have kids before age 30, but I was in Memphis last year and I felt like an old maid with all the twenty-year-olds with strollers. A lot depends on environment.
02-04-2008, 03:56 PM #12toileTourist
You will know and wild horses cant stop you when you decide to go for it, or not to go for it and chose another path.
I think it's great that you are even pondering your options.
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