Could you make it alone and for how long? - Page 3
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  1. #31
    Registered User Minner77's Avatar
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    All I can say is that I am in awe of you all! I can't do 5 percent of what you all can!

    I am academically well-educated, but an absolute neophyte when it comes to this arena. I keep reading and researching, but it seems to go in one ear/eye and out the other. Too, I am seriously mechanically and spatially challenged. Seriously: on those aptitute tests we all had to take in school I'd score high 90s on most everything, and then --- 12, yes 12 is what I got on the mechanical aptitude part. I'm really that bad at figuring things out. I also have a terrible memory.

    My husband jokes --kinda-- that it would be great if I were as good on the homefront as I was in the working world. Sigh...

    I do my best, but I'd be lost without my husband. He does the finances and all of the maintenance around the house and yard, and of course the computer. I do all of the inside work, and am fully capable of going back to work and earning a good salary, but I just rely on him so much. I guess I just don't trust myself.... thinking aloud here.... maybe I just need a big ole' shot of confidence. I did manage to have a very successful working career and I did earn a Master's degree. Maybe I'm not so inadequate after all....

    ~Mary

  2. #32
    Master Dollar Stretcher madhen's Avatar
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    Minner77,

    The only way to overcome that lack of confidence is to start trying to do stuff. I have messed up projects so many times, it is scary. But every once in a while, I succeed. And it is a great feeling, especially if you succeed after not being able to do it right a number of times.

    And when it happens the first time around, that is a GREAT feeling! My first foray into soap-making was an unqualified success, and now I know I can make soap AND I feel just a little more confident in my abilities for doing so.

    I live alone, so I've had to learn how to do a lot of things by myself, including moving really heavy items up and down three flights of stairs!!

    Start small and work your way up. You might surprise yourself.
    DH aka Mad Hen
    (http://mad-hen-creations.blogspot.com/)

    Every time you spend money, you're casting a vote for the kind of world you want. Anna Lappe

  3. #33
    Registered User forHISglory's Avatar
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    This is a question I think seriously about every now and then. I lived alone before marriage for a few years, and took care of most things nicely. But then I lived in a rental and didn't have to figure out electrical, plumbing, roofing, and so forth. When I married, Hubby took care of all those technical things. If he dies, his pension goes on, so I won't have to worry much about income. I can entertain myself well with books. I think I can figure out how to run the chainsaw and cut wood. I take care of all the finances, taxes, insurance, etc. now. But I'm not sure about maintainence on the house or car, and dealing with those types of emergencies. Fortunately, we belong to a large and caring church which has a ministry of helping the widows and elderly with those types of problems. But most of all, I'll just miss him terribly!
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  5. #34

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    hi. i went back to work after being an at home mom for 28 years due to a divorce. I am 50, no college degree, panic attack prone....etc...you get the picture. You say your husband "kinda" jokes about your abilites...perhaps that makes you feel insecure? I may be off base on this...my ex always told me I wasnt too good at anything and I felt I wasnt. Its very very hard but i've found i can and do cope with the things that need doing. I bought a car by myself for the first time in my life. I give God the glory for providing.

  6. #35
    Registered User Minner77's Avatar
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    Madhen -- I know you're right that I just need to try. I need to overcome my fear of failure, I guess. You, for one, are a fabulous inspiration -- and you have really, truly made me think. I thank you profoundly.

    Jilly50 -- He really does joke --- wistfully, I believe, because I am highly competent in the working world but so unsure of myself at home. He wishes I had more faith in myself and would just plunge in and do things. But you're right that I do feel insecure, not in his love for me but in my ability to take care of myself. I was a single parent for two years till I met him and did fend for myself, stubbornly so, but then I didn't have a house, just a rental, and relied on friends and my folks to help me with my car (no computers then!) and anything mechanical. I had a large network of single friends and we took care of each other, so things did work out. You, too, have given me much to ponder-- thanks ever so much.

    Kindest regards,
    Mary

  7. #36
    Registered User Dancing Lotus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by monkeywrangler71 View Post
    I only rely on my husband for love and money, I take care of everything else. I guess if the world fell into chaos I wouldn't need the money anymore. Not sure I could survive without the love.
    I think I feel that way too. Could I survive without him yes. Would I want too, no way. His love feeds my soul. My soul would slowly starve.

  8. #37
    Registered User fixer's Avatar
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    Thumbs up

    I try to get my wife to understand how things work around the house. She just wants to know I will fix them. I worry about what will happen if I am not here. I would feel better if she would take more interest when I show her something instead of just patronizing me. I congratulate all of you, married and single, for taking responsibility and trying to do things for yourself.

  9. #38
    Master Dollar Stretcher madhen's Avatar
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    Which inventor was it who said that he didn't look upon his failed experiments as failures, but as just one more way he had learned how to NOT do what he wanted to do? I have learned a lot of ways how not to do things I want to do, and sometimes it takes learning them to figure out how to do the things I want to do BETTER (if that makes any sense).
    DH aka Mad Hen
    (http://mad-hen-creations.blogspot.com/)

    Every time you spend money, you're casting a vote for the kind of world you want. Anna Lappe

  10. #39
    Registered User miss_thrifty's Avatar
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    I think I would find it extremely hard at first. i know i have enough friends to help me fr the first little while I get back on my feet. Downsizing where i live and the standards would be harder on me then the kids at first. But I know we would get through it. 2 part times jobs would be easier to find then 1 full time right now. and trading my time for something I may need like drives to the store or dr. appt for the kids.
    I know when u have to do somthing ur not use to u just do it. its a neccesity.

  11. #40
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    Such a great thread! I have been thinking about this a lot lately. A friend of mine who is close to my age suddenly lost her husband leaving her a young thirty-something with five very young children. I have been thinking of her constantly and noticing that I rely on my dh for a lot, probably way too much. I lose track of how many times a day I say to the kids "we'll have daddy fix it when he comes home" when like a toy breaks or whatever. He is an engineer who does carpentry on the side so he has all of the tools and is really good at things like that so I have been allowed to really become negligent in teaching myself skills. So to answer your question: I have a B.S. degree in Elementary Ed. so I could go out and work. HOWEVER if it were an outdoor kind of survival thing I would probably be dead within the hour. And while I can sew, garden, preserve food as far as maintenance-type things go I would be in trouble - serious, serious trouble!

  12. #41
    Registered User Thrifty Mom's Avatar
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    Well, I come from a long line of independent women. My mom used to wait until dad went to work to start any of her projects because he just got in the way!! Not to say he wasn't handy, he just wanted to control things & then her project became his.
    I would do OK without my husband. I make enough to cover the monthly expenses. I could cut back on a few things to save money.Food wise, I could raise about everything I need & preserve it myself. I would like to add chickens for the eggs. Maybe I would become a vegetarian.I am not afraid to try to fix things myself.

    I have thought a lot about this since July 8th of this year. My sister's husband who seemed in perfect health at the age of 70, spent the day with my family at my mother in law's funeral & then went home & dropped dead. Just like that. No warning. So, my sister is going through this transition right now. She got the apples picked & cider made, and sold corn and delivered it. She tries to do all the things her husband did. I have gone over several times & helped with the apples.We are a pair. We are not quite as bad as Lucy & Ethel. She also is getting a lot of help from neighbors & friends. The neighbor man cut wood for her. Her church group is painting her house. It is a big change.

  13. #42
    Registered User TheRootedNomad's Avatar
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    I work as does my husband. Could I do it on my own if I had to? Yes. I would be better off in some areas and struggle in others. If it was him the answer would be the same. There are things he fixes that I wouldn't touch. There are other things he does that I could figure out pretty easily. As for the money situation, that's my realm. Even though he makes slightly more than me he woud have to hustle lots of extra work to run things than I would as he is simply a more expensive personality. I actually worry about that some. On my own with the boys I'd immediately cut cable and change the meat and soda grocery shopping. I'd know how to find a deal or repair clothing and cook from scratch. He would struggle in these areas. I would struggle when it cam to electrical, plumbing, and car repair issues. I can only manage basic change-outs on the car like the alternator or such and I'm way out of practice. Things like running a new gas line would make me call in someone else as well. Structural isn't a problem. Gardening is more of an issue but we do a family garden with my sister as the green thumb anyway. All in all things would be very different, however, we'd be ok.

  14. #43
    Registered User Debbie-cat's Avatar
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    Funny madhen. I have all the skills you do and my weakness is my upper body strength as well. I lived for 7 years with just my DS and I before I married my DH and I took care of everything! Tiling, drywall, painting, building, roofing, you name I did it.

    This winter I plan on learning to care for and raise chickens and pigs. Thanks to madhen for the great book ideas, I feel I will have no problem accomplishing that as well.

    I am not worried or concerned if I was left on my own. But I would miss my hubby...as he is my soulmate and best friend.




  15. #44
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    I am new here... mind if I join in?

    what kind of scenario are you taking about?

    I may not want to survive! LOL!

  16. #45
    Master Dollar Stretcher madhen's Avatar
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    Well, it was set up as a "end of society as we know it" scenario, money means nothing and everything is basically barter or make/grow it yourself, but most have posted what they would do in less than apocalyptic situations, but ones that would still require that they learn how to survive without being dependent on any one particular person. So wherever you are brave enough to imagine yourself on that scale....
    DH aka Mad Hen
    (http://mad-hen-creations.blogspot.com/)

    Every time you spend money, you're casting a vote for the kind of world you want. Anna Lappe

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