Getting spouse involved
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 17
  1. #1
    Super Moderator
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    not here
    Posts
    4,575
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    58

    Default Getting spouse involved

    I stumbled on this web site surfing the internet on ways to save money a few weeks ago and told my wife about it. All I got was an "oh yeah?" and that was pretty much it.

    So, my question is, how did you get your spouse to "buy in" (pun intended) to a frugal living lifestyle?

    regards,
    Russ

  2. #2
    Registered User FrugalMomof3's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Northern NJ - PBurg
    Age
    48
    Posts
    9,379
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    28

    Default

    Hi Russ,

    Well have you tried showing her on paper how much money is being brought home and then showing her how much is spent of that? Maybe pointing out unnecessary purchases that wasnt really needed at that time.

    Maybe just making some small changes at first such as cutting out the weekly hair cut or something like that and then cutting down the grocery bill by shopping sales and using coupons, put that money that was saved in the savings acct. Once the savings starts growing it will be like "WOW I saved that much?"

    Let us know how things go and good luck!

  3. #3
    Registered User TheRootedNomad's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Lost in thought
    Age
    49
    Posts
    3,394
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Blog Entries
    10
    Rep Power
    25

    Default

    With my DH I have had to realize over the years that there are some areas he just will NOT get on board with being frugal about. I just have to look past those and find the areas he IS willing to get on board with. It's been slow going in some cases and sometimes it's been out of necessity. I started with things that weren't really important to him. (such as the groceries, as long as I don't mess with the soda or bacon I can pretty much make the grocery calls) In other areas if he came up with the "idea" himself or could "take care of it" himself he was more likely to be on board. (such as paying off the house (I was already doing this but in much smaller amounts) or putting in the new windows (he loves showing off his projects). I think when the other person can become "part of" the practice of frugality it is an easier transition.

  4. Remove Advertisements
    FrugalVillage.com
    Advertisements
     

  5. #4
    Registered User TheRootedNomad's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Lost in thought
    Age
    49
    Posts
    3,394
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Blog Entries
    10
    Rep Power
    25

    Default

    With my DH I have had to realize over the years that there are some areas he just will NOT get on board with being frugal about. I just have to look past those and find the areas he IS willing to get on board with. It's been slow going in some cases and sometimes it's been out of necessity. I started with things that weren't really important to him. (such as the groceries, as long as I don't mess with the soda or bacon I can pretty much make the grocery calls) In other areas if he came up with the "idea" himself or could "take care of it" himself he was more likely to be on board. (such as paying off the house (I was already doing this but in much smaller amounts) or putting in the new windows (he loves showing off his projects). I think when the other person can become "part of" the practice of frugality it is an easier transition.

  6. #5
    Registered User Frugal Nurse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Boston area
    Age
    55
    Posts
    3,024
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Blog Entries
    16
    Rep Power
    27

    Default

    Russ... can I marry you?

  7. #6
    Registered User BeachBaby's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    177
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    16

    Default

    LOL Frugal Nurse

  8. #7
    Super Moderator
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    not here
    Posts
    4,575
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    58

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Frugal Nurse View Post
    Russ... can I marry you?
    I'll ask my wife, she makes those decisions.

    Frugalmomof3 - I like the idea of putting it on paper. thanks
    I think my biggest challenge will be the grocery store. They have dog treats and dog toys there. It just blows my mind how much $$ is spent on the dogs. We have 4 dogs.

  9. #8
    Moderator Ceashels's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Baltimore, Md
    Posts
    4,028
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Blog Entries
    2
    Rep Power
    38

    Default

    It takes a while to get someone onboard who is reluctant. Denial of spending is a way of coping, albeit poorly.

    Having things on paper is great but be careful that when you start crossing things off the list it isn't all the things important to HER (you don't want her to become defensive right off the bat) so cross of the things you have already started to "sacrifice" and let her see by example.

    I started to TiVo Dave Ramsey's show about 3-4 weeks ago to find my DH laughing and watching him just last week. We now watch his show together and have a chance to discuss topics that come up that we can relate to.

    I do the majority of the grocery shopping so I have control over that and I do make the occasional splurge meal so he doesn't feel deprived.

    It can be a slow process but with patience it can be done. DH has changed so much over the past year and I think that some of it has to do with my "reasonably" frugal ways.

    I still can't get him to turn the lights out when he is finished in the bathroom though.

    One other thing that might help. Is there something that the two of you would save up for (a vacation or powertool or sewing machine) that would be a "reward?" Having a goal to be debt free is one thing, having an incentive that gives back to you is different and something everyone can respond to.

    What would she like to spend that change jar on.... new thermal curtains for the living room? You get the idea.


  10. #9

    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    185
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    0

    Default

    To get DH on board, I planned a budget which included savings. We calculated how much we could save on this budget, and how long it would take us to be completely debt free. We are both very excited by this. I mentioned that once we are debt free (not far off) and have built our savings up a bit, we could purchase a few items on our wish list. Again, with the incentive! But looking ahead, long term, helps in making certain sacrifices now, and getting into better habits now. I also brought out receipts I have saved over the past few years, to show how much prices have increased. Once he saw how much more basic things are costing us, he realized a few changes would be good. We talked about this in a very positive, friendly way. No blaming or griping! We are both a little sensitive to that!

    Maybe you could turn your wife on to this site! It has really helped me to be even more frugal! In fact, once upon a time, I thought my DH was more frugal than me! Not so any more. But he is awesome and I love him!

    Good luck!

  11. #10
    Super Moderator
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    not here
    Posts
    4,575
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    58

    Default

    Some great ideas and a marriage proposal. This is a great thread!
    This weekend I am going to sit down and come up with a plan/scheme/idea to change me and my wife into a....

    What do you call a person who is frugal? cheapskates/frugalites/frugaltarians/frugans

    I once took a class/seminar on debt free and prosperous living. Lot of things made sense in the book that came with it, but again all I got was a half hearted attempt at it. Although we were able to pay off a large CC balance rather quickly and now we pay it off monthly.
    So there is some hint of frugality in our house. And I can not throw too many stones, I'm not the most frugal person either.

    So, I'll take the lead, devise a plan and forge ahead to see what we can do to become more frugal.
    Thanks all for your suggestions.

  12. #11
    Registered User Frugal Nurse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Boston area
    Age
    55
    Posts
    3,024
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Blog Entries
    16
    Rep Power
    27

    Default

    Russ... I like the suggestions so far. And, I want you do know... I've never been turned down on a marraige proposal! all 18 of them. sheesh! lol!


    When ever I wanted my family to learn something.... I left the book out somewhere convenient... like the bathroom

    Having marriage trouble? I left out Men are from Mars and Women [Rule the World]

    Teens giving scaring you with their driving? Leave out the driving manual.

    Get the Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey. Let her see you reading it.. fascinated... and share little tidbits... "honey, oh sweet darling love of my life, did you know we can get this mortgage paid off in 7 years instead of 25?" and leave the details out... she'll have to read it for herself.

    If she controls those matters - you NEED to have her on board. She needs to learn the cheapest most economical way of living so that you BOTH can achieve the dream of financial freedom.

  13. #12
    Super Moderator
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    not here
    Posts
    4,575
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    58

    Default

    Men are from Mars Women are from Venus.. read that book. Wife insisted LOL

    Have another question but I think it warrants another thread completely...

  14. #13
    Registered User The Muse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    1,293
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    21

    Default

    DH didn't pay much attention at first, but when he saw our debt shrinking and investments growing, he became VERY interested. This is especially impressive since he hasn't got a drop of frugal DNA in his body. His parents think I've "ruined" him, but we'll see who's ruined when we can afford to stop working in our 40's.

  15. #14
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Posts
    2,603
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Blog Entries
    10
    Rep Power
    29

    Default

    what do you call yourself? a frugalite?

    i call myself "debt free and mortgage free"!

  16. #15

    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Posts
    345
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    0

    Default

    First off, welcome! My dh Dad_of_4 is a member if you need another guy's perspective.

    Something you might want to do is make a list of your debts, which I know has been mentioned. Then use an online calculator to show how many more payments you have to make to pay off the debt if you keep up paying at your current rate. It will also show you how much in interest you will be paying. This is something we did and it was a huge eye-opener.

    Two months ago we were big-time struggling. We started the Total Money Makeover on April 1st (no fooling!). We went from having over $17K in non-mortgage debt to having less than $8K today (thanks to tax refunds and smart planning). That $8K is student loans, which we should be able to knock out in the next 12 months. The kicker is we have 4 young children with 2 in Catholic school (over $600/month in tuition), so for us it was imperative to get on track.

    We are not as hard-core frugal as some, but we have become less impulsive about purchases and have become smarter shoppers and planners. We budget for everything, and we have over $1000 in our emergency fund, which we add to monthly. Our lives have become so much less stressful. If something happens to one of our cars (which are both paid for now) or something around the house that is unexpected or one of the kids, we have that emergency money ready.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. He's getting involved!
    By danni in forum Frugal Living
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: 02-14-2009, 02:02 PM
  2. Just getting involved....
    By ALMOverton in forum General Chat
    Replies: 22
    Last Post: 11-27-2006, 05:26 PM
  3. Anyone involved in 4H??
    By Guest1 in forum Education
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 10-06-2004, 06:54 PM
  4. How involved are you in your community?
    By homesteadmamma in forum Simple Living
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 06-29-2003, 12:46 PM

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •