Prevention Of Separation!!
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  1. #1
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    Question Prevention Of Separation!!

    I have been a Husband and a Father for 6 yrs now, and I havent been a good one!!! I caught on to late to what needed to be changed in myself in order for my family to be happy!! Most of all the woman I said I do to, and then hurt for so long, this is something I will have to live with forever!!

    I have never cheated and never physically abussed or verbally either, I am a Pot head who put his family second for to long, I am in a out patient program getting help so I can be what they deserve, but now she says its to late and that she feels nothing for me anymore, I dont understand that... She says your a great guy but I am done with you, I cant trust you with my heart anymore!!

    Is there anything I can do to get her back, Can you just not love someone anymore, I can beleive shes confused and hurt and it will take time, but to go as far as saying we are single and thats that, no chance for us or nothing, she is out in pahrump nv and I am in oklahoma city, ok!!! I dont get to see my son and what makes it worse, is now her additude is starting to come out in my son!! He will learn her dislike towards me, if she continues to refuse to try and be a family once more for our son, we owe it to him to try once more, we have not tried counseling yet, but if she doesnt want to try what can I do???? Plz Help anyone, I need advise on what I can do to bring our family back together!!!

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    A human being can only take so much. At this point you may need to just fix your life and be the best person you can be for yourself and your son.
    You cannot make someone love you and yes love can die when you get treated poorly for years.

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    Registered User khaski's Avatar
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    As a former wife of a pot head myself (though he was physically and verbally abusive as well), she may well just have had it, I'm sorry to say.

    The best you can do is concentrate on making yourself 'right' and getting clean. You can't do it for anyone else! That way, if you some day meet someone else you want in your life, you'll be in a healthy place to make that work.

    As for your son- as his father, you have legal rights to see him- time to file for visitation and get a court order. Part of his anger towards you may be he feels 'abandoned' as you are not seeing him. If she will not allow it, get the courts involved.

    I hear a lot of blame on HER about refusing to try, but let's be honest here- she's tried to hold a family together with someone with a drug problem, and she's decided she won't do it anymore. You have to respect that, get yourself back together for YOURSELF and your son, and then see where life takes you.

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    work on yourself first if the relationship can be salvaged it can be done when u are better and stronger u.....don't rush her if u do she will run for the hills and not come back.. if it don't work u will have your self together and it will be better for u.

    Good Luck and God Bless u and your family.

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    Registered User Greebo's Avatar
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    If the only reason you're getting your life on track is to get someone else back, you're doing it for the wrong reasons. You can only control one person - you.

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    Quote Originally Posted by oheoh's momma View Post
    work on yourself first if the relationship can be salvaged it can be done when u are better and stronger u.....don't rush her if u do she will run for the hills and not come back.. if it don't work u will have your self together and it will be better for u.

    Good Luck and God Bless u and your family.
    Quote Originally Posted by Greebo View Post
    If the only reason you're getting your life on track is to get someone else back, you're doing it for the wrong reasons. You can only control one person - you.
    These two said what I was going to say, so I thought I would just quote them for emphasis.

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    Registered User LynnLC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hailefamily View Post


    but now she says its to late and that she feels nothing for me anymore, I dont understand that... She says your a great guy but I am done with you, I cant trust you with my heart anymore!!



    Is there anything I can do to get her back, Can you just not love someone anymore, I can beleive shes confused and hurt and it will take time, but to go as far as saying we are single and thats that, no chance for us or nothing, she is out in pahrump nv and I am in oklahoma city, ok!!! I dont get to see my son and what makes it worse, is now her additude is starting to come out in my son!! He will learn her dislike towards me, if she continues to refuse to try and be a family once more for our son, we owe it to him to try once more, we have not tried counseling yet, but if she doesnt want to try what can I do???? Plz Help anyone, I need advise on what I can do to bring our family back together!!!
    This is quite a first post on a frugal board but I'll bite...

    She has clearly told you she is done. You must respect her decision. I'm not loving the whole "she continues to refuse to try for our son once more" either...Sounds like she hung in there for a long time.

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    Registered User forHISglory's Avatar
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    Solid advice has been given here. Let's sum it up.
    1. Keep on getting help for your addiction.
    2. You cannot make your wife love you.
    3. You can get the court involved with your son.
    4. You cannot make your son love you.
    5. Whether they love you or not, you have a responsibility to be the best man that you can be.
    6. Own up to your mistakes, and grow up, despite the mistakes.

    You can't change the past. But you can take responsibility for the present and have hope for your future.

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    Registered User Mr Fixit's Avatar
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    Most of the women I have known in my life, that are strong responsible mothers, do not look back once they have made up their minds. When most women snap, it is only after they have tried for a long time to make things work, and when they decide that they have had enough, that's it!
    Yes, when a women says there's nothing left, that is probably the truth.
    The best thing you can do is to give her a lot of space, straighten yourself out, and do right by your child. If she does have feeling for you, that is the only way you will ever know, or even have a chance of getting her back!

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    Registered User DWHISNANT's Avatar
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    It's a very thin line between love and hate.

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    Registered User meredithah's Avatar
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    I've been sober for several years now, and I can tell you from first hand experience that choosing to do things differently will result in people reacting differently toward you. If you choose a more positive track, you will typically get a more positive reaction from people.

    However, it takes time. If it took a day to get lost in the forest, it will take at least a day to get back out.

    If you are serious about putting down any substance you feel is causing problems in your life, look up AA or NA (narcotics anonymous) on line and check out a meeting. Read the book.

    Good luck, whatever you decide.

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    I'm so sorry to say that I agree with most sentiments shared above. Your wife's change of feelings toward you did not happen overnight. She has reached her breaking point and realized that your pattern of behavior is not something she wants to deal with the rest of her life.

    Rest assured that if clean up your life and focus on becoming the best father you can be for your son, love will find its way to you again. There are LOTS of great ladies out there who have been divorced and now know what they need in a mate. Many will find a clean, hardworking, kind and gentle man quite a find. Work on yourself and forget about the woman who has already moved on. Best of luck to you...

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    Registered User danielleseaman's Avatar
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    I want to add that your son is young enough, if you get your act together and show your wife and son that you are a changed man, he will love you for the father that you are. Even if your wife has decided to stay separate from you, you can show her that you are a better man and hopefully she will not continue to prejudice your son against you, don't change and you are asking for whatever she says or does. Also, you will not get visitation right now until you can prove that you are clean, so honestly, I would stay sober for awhile and try to discuss things with your wife. You cannot "make" her love you. Though you may find as you get better, her feelings of hatred may soften, she may see the person that she loved return. But you cannot force it, nor should you try. Your sobriety is first and foremost at the moment, but you do need to try and maintain a relationship with your son at the same time. Do not let that lapse or you will have more trouble to deal with. Good luck to you.

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    Registered User nvmommyx6's Avatar
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    Your situation sounds a bit like one I went through.
    This is how we saved ours...But you need to begin this process for YOU, not to win her back, but just for YOU!
    40 Day Love Dare - The Book | Fireproof - The Movie | 40 Day Love Dare Journal
    Sign up, start the dare. It'll teach you how to be the man you want to be and the man they (even if only your son) need you to be.
    God bless
    Candy

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    pretty sure this was a troll?

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