Parents of Juniors and Seniors
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  1. #1
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    Default Parents of Juniors and Seniors

    my brother got engaged last night and the wedding is 6/4. My DD is a Junior so it's SAT year. They are offered in May and of course, again on 6/4. Wedding is not local. Do most kids take it in May does anyone know? Then re-takes are June? Can you take a re-take in the fall of Senior year instead?

    I'll call the Guidance counselor Mon but I just wondered if anyone knew who has been through the process. The sucky part is I paid for the least expensive Kaplan course and if you do bad the first time, they let you do all the classes and use online resources all over again. IDK if they'd offer that deal if she waited to re-take it in the fall. I have to check that.

    DD is driven, she is up til 11p studying and doing homework, she is likely to refuse to come on June 4th and I cannot imagine the wedding without her. Sucks, totally sucks.

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    If your brother doesn't have the brains or the tact to plan it on a moment where his niece could come, why should she miss important exams for this? I am not American, but if anyone would have planned something in June or December when I was in the last 2 years, I would have gone for a couple of hours or not. School went first. If you can have her do the SAT stuff in May. If she needs to redo it, let her redo it, even if it means not going to her uncles wedding. Other than funerals, you can plan weddings so the people important to you can come.

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    that's true, they picked that day because her mom owns a B and B and they can use it free for the wedding/reception, any later is tourist season. My brother is a pretty selfish person and I would never have expected him to run the date by anyone at all. Regardless of the bride wanting to get married at the Inn and it being free, having it over 5 hrs from where my parents live is pretty damn selfish seeing as a trip to the doctor is extremely difficult for my ill mom and my dad has a rare mitochondrial disease, driving or riding that far will be no picnic for him, either. He should man up and say that his mother needs to be there (it is a very small wedding), getting her there is next to impossible, so sorry, it has to be in my hometown, not yours. Regardless of money. And my brother makes a very good income, if he hadn't spent it all and racked up credit card debt, liquidated his 401ks and owes thousands to my parents, he'd be 42 and able to pay for his own damn wedding. We paid for mine at 24 and I was a nurse making very little at the time. I have no respect for him, I love him but he really is a selfish, very inconsiderate person. To his family. To everyone else he appears to be delightful.

    This is beside the point and none of my business but it irks me, so I'm gonna spill it. They have lived together for 2 years, she pays not one penny toward anything, he even pays for her gas and lunches out. She pays nothing, not even a bag of groceries. Supposedly this is because she can't pay her huge student loans. Well, she is a lawyer making a sucky salary and she has put no effort into finding a more lucrative position, she says she's looking but never acts on it. Of course not, she surely enjoys being a kept woman. She makes, as a lawyer in Boston, 5k more than I made as a nurse in NYS suburbia, ridiculous, you cannot easily live on that in Boston. Boston had the top most expensive housing costs in the country for several years. My brother is a fool to do this, it leaves him very little to pay off his credit card debt. He is 42 with no assets, not even a car. Oh, he does have a 401k in this job but he contributes only enough to get the match. He is a perfect example of being a high earner yet far from wealthy. So I don't respect her as a grown women, either. WTH was her plan exactly if she hadn't found a sucker like my brother? And she was paying rent and all other expenses before she met him, all of a sudden every penny she earns has to go towards her student loans? What? She's only 32, there's time. She started a political conversation with me that involved feminism and I was like talk to the hand, you are no feminist, babe.

    I did call Kaplan, they recommend DD take the exam in May, that's the date her classes will prepare her for. Then she gets the results in late June. If she wants a re-take, it's done in the fall. And Kaplan let's her take all the classes and use the online resources all over again for free. If she chooses instead to take it in June, she gets the results in August and will only have short term access to Kaplan before taking it again in the fall. Basically, they said it really does not make sense to take it in June if you want max Kaplan help for your dollar. And taking it in May gives her plenty of time to adjust to the new SAT which debuts this Spring. If she doesn't do well, she has 5 months at least before taking it again.

    Getting her and DS to go will be a whole 'nother issue. My brother has been a real jerk about remembering their bdays and Christmas. He'll remember one kid and not the other. He used to be a ton of fun and they loved playing with him as kids, a visit from him was the best thing ever. Now, he's just cranky and always tired when home, the kids could care less if they see him. He let those relationships, his only niece and nephew, wither on the vine.

    ok, I've convinced myself that he is kind of an ***hole and even I'm an idiot to go to this wedding, let alone to try to make my teens. Besides, I have nothing to wear. Screw it, let's all stay home!

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    oh, this was great, at Thanksgiving I admired her purse (I had bought her an inexpensive but cute bag for Christmas) and she goes, "thanks, it's a Marc Jacobs, your brother bought it for me." I looked it up, $900! Of course he bought it for her, she cannot even afford TOILET PAPER! Both up to their eyeballs in debt, but buying $900 luxury goods. I swear, we are not related. If he had $900 lying around how about paying something back to your parents who are old and could really use that money? My parents floated me a month when I had no disability coming in, and I owe taxes on the house. I am paying for everything I possibly can, to pay them back, I put the household bills in my name. They each have my credit card and they charge everything to me until we are even. I cannot stand being in debt to them. And he has no shame.

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    Me, I'd stay home. Nada. Finite. Not be happening. But then I've also been called a few choice names one of which is a cold hearted bitch. I call them as I see them.
    Wouldn't go. Obviously you don't want to. If he wasn't your brother you wouldn't even talk to him. Sure wouldn't even nudge the kids to go. Doesn't sound like they have any use for him either. If you go you're going to have a miserable ass day. And your mom? She is going to be miserable or left alone. You can't drive back and forth for a 5 hour drive. And your dad has problem driving? Do you really want to put yourself and them thru that? All so they can show off what they have?

    Bernice.... you're smarter than that. Hugs... please take that how it's intended.
    Agree with Ayanka whole heartedly ... rinse and repeat.
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    I agree with what everyone else has said! Your brother might like to have you there but he doesn't care enough to plan it close by and on a convenient date. Under those circumstances, you aren't obligated at all to be there, and neither are your kids. Make it easy on yourself---stay home.

  8. #7
    TDN
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    Oh my.....I was married on June 5th many years ago and the thought of anyone taking a SAT never crossed my mind....I was 26 at the time. I also had it at the church I grew up in......7 miles from my home and never gave a thought to anyone else. All I thought about was I was getting married!! It was a very simple ,frugal wedding and honestly I did not care who attended or who did not.

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    this is stupid, I really want all of us magically there, a smooth day for all involved. He's a jerk but he's my jerk and my only sibling. My mother is going to go come hell or high water and suffer for it, and she knows that. She will not pull the plug until she sees how she is the day before, unless she is so bad, it becomes obvious in the months before that she cannot go. I'm still thinking things over and I'm planning to say that whatever transportation he is planning for my parents, regardless of what my dad says, he really is not up to that drive so he needs to arrange a driver.

    I can live with the kids not going, although it being the last big family event and last chance for professional photos with my mom. I can let that go but sadly. He disappointed them enough, turnabout is fair play, why should they feel obligated to go? I hope they go but have zero intention of riding them hard to do so.

    I don't know if i can live with me not going, especially if my mom is too sick to go, I'd be the only family member on his side. He makes me crazy but I do love him and always will.

    Do you ever hate the dynamics of your family so much that you kind of want to trade them in? I hate when people like my brother and honestly, my mom do not seek help with obvious mental health issues and the whole family ends up affected by them. I have been in therapy for a long time for depression and I do everything I can to fight it and to learn different ways to deal with difficult people (as i my family). You change but the people around you never do and it's really hard.

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    I know you guys are probably right, definitely right about the kids. But why is it so hard to hurt him back the way he hurt everyone else over the years? Why do I want this so bad even though it is ridiculous? Maybe because if none of us go, he will cut us out of his life, and I do not want that. I hate this, hate it, hate it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by TDN View Post
    Oh my.....I was married on June 5th many years ago and the thought of anyone taking a SAT never crossed my mind....I was 26 at the time. I also had it at the church I grew up in......7 miles from my home and never gave a thought to anyone else. All I thought about was I was getting married!! It was a very simple ,frugal wedding and honestly I did not care who attended or who did not.
    I wouldn't have either...a-hole or not they have the right to plan a wedding for whatever day they want...& to think of a guest's SAT? Just no.

    Stop wasting so much time on other people...besides don't you have enough on your plate? Your kids have a hard time just visiting with you. Forget about getting them to a wedding.

    I think Bernice, you have to give up this fantasy of him acting responsible in any way...what he does in his life shouldn't enter your brain. Don't be looking up a purse's price (not to mention I bet they didnt pay $900 & I'm a handbag connoisseur...just let it all go.

    Side note: Yes, your jr. can take a retake during the early part of senior year.

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