gift too cheap?

**Bernice** · 01-14-2016, 08:58 PM

My brother, 42, is getting married in June for the first time. Small 50 person event at her parents B and B. I have been out on disability for over a year with it looking like I will likely never be able to be a nurse again. So I am living on a pretty low income, while waiting to see if I can get SSDI. I need to go thrifty on this wedding but he's my only sibling so I don't want to look like I cheaped out. We have to travel out of state and I will be staying in a hotel room for 2 nights at $179 a night (I cannot drive so I need to stay where a block of rooms for guests has been reserved and someone can drive me around), it's the cheapest accommodations nearby. My tentative dress was $89, I'll probably have to buy some sort of dressy jacket or wrap as it gets chilly at night and it's outside.

When I worked, if I went to a wedding with a date of someone I was close to I always spent or made it look like I spent $100 by finding great deals on something on the registry. That seemed to be the going rate for wedding gifts around here. I am not sure if the bride-to-be will be having a shower. They live in Boston, her family is in NH, so shower would likely be in one of these two places. More travel, more hotel expense, I may not go to the shower simply because of expense.

At any rate I found a deal at Penney's for 4 bath, 4 hand towels and 4 washcloths in a pretty silvery blue for a total of $33, including letting them box and wrap it nice for $4 (I would've had to buy a big box and wedding paper anyway so for $4, let them do it and make it look nice). I figure if I go to the shower, this will be my gift. But if I don't, does 4 full sets of towels seem way too chintzy for a wedding gift? They are both well aware of my financial situation and they know the accommodations are expensive for me right now. So is this enough in this circumstance? If the wedding were here, having money for a nice gift would not be an issue.

**ilovechocolate** · 01-14-2016, 09:13 PM

Nice towels are always a lovely gift!

And I don't think you are expected to go to any showers if they're too far away. Send your regrets and don't feel guilty about it. Your situation is what it is, and that's okay.

**Winkie** · 01-14-2016, 09:32 PM

Your attendance & support for them is a gift in itself. Towels sound great!

My daughter received a towel "cake" . The towels were of course arranged like a cake, but the plate was an engraved serving tray with their names & marriage date.

**LuvMyHubby** · 01-14-2016, 09:34 PM

Not at all, they sound very lovely. You are already spending money to attend the wedding and while I don't know your family dynamics, I would hope that your brother and his future bride would not expect you to spend money you do not have.

I agree with ilovechocolate - if the shower is too far away, just send your regrets and good wishes. Perhaps you can find a very pretty card to send.

**Bernice** · 01-14-2016, 09:36 PM

thanks guys!

I forgot, I got another $5 back in ebates! I'm glad I went this route.

**CookieLee** · 01-15-2016, 08:19 AM

I received towels when I got married and they were one of my favorite gifts!

**frugalwarrior2** · 01-15-2016, 01:31 PM

towels are always a good gift. And I'm sure he appreciates you even attempting to come w/ all you have going on healthwise.

**TDN** · 01-15-2016, 01:32 PM

Bernice...sometimes I think you worry to much about what people think. It sounds like a very nice gift! I also agree if the shower is far away I do not think they would expect you to attend.

**Bernice** · 01-15-2016, 03:59 PM

Originally Posted by TDN

Bernice...sometimes I think you worry to much about what people think. It sounds like a very nice gift! I also agree if the shower is far away I do not think they would expect you to attend.

I probably do, especially when it something that is important to me.

I'm not doing the shower, it's too much. At least with the wedding, I have time to rest in the hotel.

**quiltingmommy** · 01-15-2016, 04:01 PM

I agree with the other posters....towels are always a great gift and since you are so far away, you do not need to attend the shower.

**jayceef12** · 01-16-2016, 08:29 AM

I agree with everyone else. Your attendance is enough of a gift. My mom used to give us nice towels every year for Christmas it was an awesome gift. I don't think at 50 years old your brother will think any thing of it. Have a good time

**LongTimeLurker** · 01-16-2016, 06:07 PM

Considering your situation its fine....although I haven't been to a wedding where people brought actual wrapped gifts in decades...I think its a location thing. I'm from Boston/NYC area.

**Bernice** · 01-16-2016, 09:21 PM

Originally Posted by LongTimeLurker

Considering your situation its fine....although I haven't been to a wedding where people brought actual wrapped gifts in decades...I think its a location thing. I'm from Boston/NYC area.

me neither! the norm here is cards with checks or gifts off registry mailed ahead of time to couple's home. I am willing to look like a to save $70, lol

**khaski** · 01-18-2016, 01:58 PM

Not at all, it sounds like a generous, heart-felt gift that will be appreciated.

**NikoSan999** · 01-18-2016, 02:11 PM

Agree with everyone else. He knows what financial condition you're in and I'm sure she does too. You're already spending a ton of money to even be able to go.
Towels etc is good.
As far as a shower...don't sweat it. Explain while you're there if it's necessary. Should be fine.