Teenager...help! Am I unreasonable? Long...

[MomK]

Hi! I need help! I allowed the softball team to stay the night on Friday. Everything went smoothly, girls were well behaved, nothing for a parent to complain about...

Saturday morning DD starts acting "cool" to impress her friends with how ugly she can treat me...She curls up her lip when she finds out she's riding with me to practice instead of DH...She sighs and rolls her eyes when I tell her to let her friend ride up front...then...I roll down the back windows (It's hot, but not hot enough for a/c) and she says: "You know I don't like these windows open!"

I know her friends were shocked. Their eyes were big and they're all looking at me for my reaction.

I say: "Do you want to rephrase that?"

She just rolled her eyes. Later, she says she was just kidding. Well, I don't appreciate her "kidding" like that. I grounded her, but she still doesn't understand what she did wrong.

Am I unreasonable? It seems like whatever I do or say is the wrong thing. I can't make her happy no matter what I do, so I figure I'll at least make myself happy and not let her talk ugly to me.

[YankeeMom]

I do not think you are being unreasonable at all. And I'd be willing to bet she does "get it". We are going through some attitude issues with our teenage daughters as well. I now fully understand why some animals eat their young

[shortstack]

I can tell you I did this to my mom and boy now am I sorry because I'm dealing with it myself with my 7 year old. Just today I called my mom and said do you remember such and such time.. well I sure am sorry about that.

You are not being unreasonable. When my daughter pulls an attitude on me I tell her "I sure hope you have a daughter of your own when you grow up"

Andrea

[Jamauk]

I don't have teenage girls, but I totally remember being one!!

Yes, everything you say or do makes her mad, but she needs to remember who's boss and that even if she doesn't agree with you, she needs to show you respect.

I don't think you over reacted at all. I also remember that while I hated being grounded, having things taken away (tv, phone, etc...) was even more painful....

Good Luck!

[emily_hope]

I wouldn't let her get away with it. It is disrespectful and she knows it. My DNephew does this to my DMother and it makes me so angry. He does it to his Daddy, too. And then he will say, "Aw, I was just kidding."

[Buc-O-Mama]

You did the right thing. I don't think I could have handled it as cooly as you. I probably would have pulled her aside right away and put her on notice that if she ever wanted to have friends over again, she'll be more respectful. My children are 16, 14, and 13. It is such a struggle at times because I want to be my childrens' friend, but more than that I know that I have to be mom first - even when that means raining on their parade. You had no choice but to let her know she was out of line.

[Palooka]

I have an almost 16 year old and her mouth can be the first to get her in trouble.

Disrespect I do not put up with much. Thankfully the word grounded always does the trick at that age. lol

We are pretty close tight nit though. She is my first teen and I have to say so far it ain't been too bad. Just a few years left and maybe the gray hairs will show up.

[SewCrafty]

You handled that WAY better than I would have. Though I don't have children, I am the 'fun' Aunt, but also very strict, I don't put up with disrespect or nonsense. I would probably have embarrassed her in front of her friends. LOL

I personally don't think you are being unreasonable in the least. Give them an inch and they will take a mile, then where will you be?

You did the right thing, for every action there is a reaction. She may not like it, but I bet she won't do it again.

[Moor]

i'm sorry, but at the first sign of disrespect, she would have been getting into some trouble. i do not tolerate that from my kids or anyone else's.

i have two teens and one almost a teen and they do not treat me or anyone else like that.

i have and will continue to embarrass them in front of their friends. if they want to act that when their friends are at the house, or even out in public with their friends, then i will correct them.

my friends and family tell me all the time that my kids are so respectful. well, it's because i have taught them that. also, i have told them time and time again, that you have to give respect to get respect.

sorry if this sounds harsh, i really don't mean it to. but i didn't respect my mom because she never showed it to me. but i have made it a point to show it to my kids and they have learned to show it in turn.

no you didn't overreact. you did something that i wouldn't have done though. you waited to react. i would have at the curling of the lip or the rolling of the eyes. lol

a little bit of advice though, tell her that you want respect from her at all times and in doing this, you will show her the same.

[Darlene]

Hold on, it's going to be a bumpy ride but you both will make it through and actually get along well. Going to be a couple years but it will happen. You'll see glimpses of your long lost dd every once in a while but for the most part you & she will probably butt heads. Try not to take it personally and ground etc. when needed.
I went thru it & I know it's no fun. So and so's mother was so much cooler than me... I could say the sky is blue she'd say no it's not, I couldn't do anything right but Dad was fine. Right now your dd wants to be anything but like you and in years she will probably be doing things like you & understand that hey you are pretty smart after all, lol. Nicole & I had a few rough years but now we are close. She even said sorry to me for being so mean, lol. I wasn't her best friend back then and I wasn't supposed to be. Hang on and know that it'll pass. You are not alone.

[Frugal Nurse]

You did absolutely fine.

You're a cool mom.
She's just testing her limits.

And she will continue to test them, push them.

Hold your ground and... most importantly... "pick" your battles.

Only waste 'fight'n energy' on what is vitally important to you. Everyone has different values.

Respect is usually first for everyone.
For me, respect also means~ respect for yourself, your body, your space, etc.

My biggest peeve that I wouldn't budge on- piercings and tatoos. "I OWN your body until you're 18".

Oh yeah! they were PO'd and hounded me to no end.

Secretly I was hoping that they wouldn't go out at age 18.001 years and tattoo and pierce their whole body! They didn't. They didn't have the money to do that. Still don't. lol!!


Disclaimer:
So.. .look... I'm NOT saying anything about anyone else.. and their tats and holes. It's totally fine if that's what you want. I am not judging you. I still like you. etc etc etc... hereby signed under the pains and penalties of perjury. Frugal Nurse

[PennyWise]

I agree with PP's...you did great, and she should be grounded.
Also...she made a fool of herself in front of her friends...I'm sure she realizes that too.
It's a tough road with teens....they think we are clueless. lol!

[Darlene]

Oh ya, frugal nurse is so right about picking your battles, can't believe I forgot to mention that. It's like my mantra for dealing with teenagers.
Hubby had a hard time with that, feeling that it's his way or the highway but he's mellowed and if we give a little leeway here & the kids realized we weren't big ogres trying to make their life as miserable as possible. Besides, there is enough strife going on without arguing every single thing to death. Save that for the biggies.

[bleakoutlook]

I definitely don't think you overreacted, and I guarantee you she knows exactly what she did wrong.

Its good that you don't allow her to speak to you like that, because if you do it will certainly get worse.