He's driving me crazy! (vent)

**Lady_V** · 06-15-2008, 10:44 AM

I know I should be more flexible, more supportive... but he's driving me up the wall!!!

The Old Man landed an awesome job doing satellite installations and makes more money than he ever has (or probably ever will with his limited education) ... and today, he's fixated on being a pizza delivery person.

No offense to anyone who IS a pizza delivery person, but to walk away from a great paying job, to deliver pizza in a time where a recession is lingering and gas prices sky-rocketing... it's INSANE!

We got in to a tiff this morning about it, and he told me 'If you are going to be home today, don't talk to me' ... so I walked in to the other room and started reading email... crisis averted... until he comes in to the room and starts in on why he is right and I am wrong, and unless I have a job, I have no say over how he makes his money...

I *Had* a job... I was the one who kept food on the table until he landed his current job! I *was* the one working right up to and INCLUDING the day I was admitted to the hospital with major intestional damage!! I *do* have a say about how he makes his money because there HAS to be enough! He said he is only responsable for himself... He is living in MY house. I told him if he honestly feels that way, I am responsible for DD and he has 2 choices, either knock it off and continue to be the mature, responsible, loving man he was yesterday... or he can start paying me rent so I can take care of me and mine.

I hate feeling cornered. I hate not being able to walk away before I explode with truth-isms before I had a chance to go over the consequences of saying them. I hate be trapped in a room, literally... he was blocking the only way out... I seriously contemplated a window retreat. It's not that I hate confrontation... just the opposite. I calculate them so I stick to my point and not veer off and say things I don't mean in a heat of anger.

Right now, just his voice is driving me crazy... hearing him walk around on the hardwood floor makes me want to run out and lock him in a closet to give him a time out. I had visions of me tossing him overboard tomorrow as he stood in the doorway

at me!

I love him. I know he loves me. I know he loves my DD. On normal days he's wonderful... but today, I want him to join the circus or something...

**Dancing Lotus** · 06-15-2008, 10:53 AM

I get sick to my stomach when dh talks about getting another job. Lucky for me he is happy were he is now.

I too think it would be foolish to quite his job to deliver pizzas. What makes him think he will make enough money at that?
I know you said he is working long hours, I think maybe he is getting tired and wonders how much longer he can work like that. Ask him why he wants to leave his job.

**suki** · 06-15-2008, 10:53 AM

Ugh... not fun.

Sounds like maybe you need to get out of one another's hair for a little while. Maybe take your dd and go for a walk, to a park, something... just get away from the negative energy and do something else for a while. Then, maybe the two of you can talk rationally about the situation and why he's feeling the way he is etc.

Anyway... feel better soon!

**McD** · 06-15-2008, 11:04 AM

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Dh and I got into a 'tiff' recently that culiminated with him telling me that I didn't do anything to fix or maintain the house while he was gone. He was lucky enough that I kept my temper. I said (in a calm voice) "You are right. All I did while you were gone was go to school fulltime, work 40+ hours a week, raise our son by myself, handled the finance and maintained the house...sorry I didn't fix a problem that I didn't KNOW about and I am SORRY it inconvenienced YOU! I am going to leave before I lose my temper." And I went on a walk....he apologized when I got home 15 minutes later.

Sometimes they just don't think. What is his reasoning for wanting to be a pizza delivery man?

**Jamauk** · 06-15-2008, 11:06 AM

Well, THAT'S no fun for Lady V! I'm sorry this is happening, especially in these scary economic times right now.

I agree with the others that there is probably some kind of underlying issue going on with him. Maybe he's putting too much pressure on himself as the only bread winner and he's starting to resent that (so he lashed out about being only responsible for himself).

Based on everything you've said about him in the past, this doesn't sound like him, so I'd give everyone a chance to settle down and try to talk rationally with him later.

Good Luck!

**Frugal Nurse** · 06-15-2008, 11:22 AM

Scary stuff.
That money.
Rules how we behave.

So wow! I want to slap him up side the head. But can't do that.

I wonder what he's thinking. Is something happening in his current job that he's not happy about? Is he foreboding?
A firing, a lay-off?
Is it tooooo stressful? Honestly, when I was a nurse on the unit - I nearly lost my mind (some people I know are quick to point out~ "nearly?") and seriously contemplated Starbucks.

In real life, when anyone tells me something that I think will be detrimental (i.e. stupid) - I know y'all gonna think I'm pulling your leg! - but I look them straight in the eye.... and say nothing.

I can't do that here, because I can't look you in the eye and say nothing. But if you want to.. you can look at my profile... look me straight in the eye... and notice... I'm not saying anything.

At times, I literally have to bite my lip closed. By NOT saying anything gives them great cause for concern. They walk away and think about the idea on their own. Solve their own problem. And once I think the problem is properly solved - then I'll speak up. "Oh! great idea! I see you've found a better job with a pay increase!"

Sorry he's being a bugger.

**lwlynch** · 06-15-2008, 11:38 AM

I feel for you.. Mine gets a wild hair sometimes and talks about wanting to change jobs.. I just listen.. It makes my stomache queasy though.. Then he changes his mind. I kinda tell him what actually all his money goes to. And to remember that about 90 percent of people arent happy at work.. and to keep focused on what a nice home he has and how much we love it when he gets home.
I wish you luck, fighting is not fun. Men I think tend to go one tracked in thinking.. maybe show him exactly how his money spends, and how much better to stay at his regular job will be. To be quite honest with all the tv and electronics changing.. he will probably be working forever...
Goodluck and lots of hugs for you...

**McD** · 06-15-2008, 11:43 AM

I remember when I switched over from working at one bank to another I was SO unhappy. At the first bank, I was the go-to person. I knew everything, I knew the system inside and out and I was great at my job as a result. At the new bank, I didn't know the system, it was hard to learn and I hated it (still do) as a result I was really unhappy and contemplated becoming a bus driver.....that's right. A bus driver.

I guess the point to me telling you that was so that maybe you can try and see if there is an underlying reason as to why your man is behaving this way?

**dancar3** · 06-15-2008, 12:08 PM

I think I would tell him fine...........go ahead and deliver pizzas, but after you get off work from your 1st job!

Sorry you are having to deal with this.

**cab54** · 06-15-2008, 12:15 PM

What IS it with these guys lately? Ditto mine.

Sometimes I SWEAR they just like dropping bombs (you know--saying things they KNOW are going to upset you, or start a fight).

**EmilyD** · 06-15-2008, 12:28 PM

Originally Posted by cab54

What IS it with these guys lately? Ditto mine.

Sometimes I SWEAR they just like dropping bombs (you know--saying things they KNOW are going to upset you, or start a fight).

I agree .. anything to start a "discussion" *rolls eyes*

I also agree with males cornering a female in a room and leaving no way out, another favorite ploy to assert their control.

Been there done that , lots of Tshirts.

Hope he comes to his senses ... but that "my money" thing would worry me.

{{{hugs to you}}}

**cab54** · 06-15-2008, 02:39 PM

I play all 'stepford wife' with mine when he gets like this. I play all sweet and helpful and attentive. When I don't give him the expected alarm and upset, he re-thinks it-----because if wifey likes the idea, it must be a bad idea, right?

Changes his mind about it more often than not. It may be a bit deceiving, but it at least keeps my mind busy ( and off being worried) being a SW till he works things through his mind. After 30 years, it helps me keep my sanity.

**Lady_V** · 06-15-2008, 05:20 PM

I gave him space... I let him talk to the wall... I eventually sat on the sofa and said nothing... he turned around in his chair and told me he doesn't want to deliver pizzas... he wants to be a truck driver... so, here I am again

I will give him today... it is Father's Day after all. Maybe it's pre-midlife crisis or something... he turns 31 next month.

Thank you all for your shoulder and the push of support... I will wait for him to mention it to me again, in the meantime, I will be the same me I have always been... planting pennies trying to grow dimes ...

Emily, I understand why you would be concerned about the 'his money' thing, but he honestly isn't like that. We have been together 5 years and I can count on one hand how many times he's played that card... my card is bigger... it's my house and I pay the mortgage... so we have always 'called it even'.

**EmilyD** · 06-15-2008, 05:51 PM

Originally Posted by Lady_V

Emily, I understand why you would be concerned about the 'his money' thing, but he honestly isn't like that. We have been together 5 years and I can count on one hand how many times he's played that card... my card is bigger... it's my house and I pay the mortgage... so we have always 'called it even'. [/I]

Glad to hear that, for your sake {{{hugs}}}