Bio-mom refusing custody of son....
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  1. #1

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    Default Bio-mom refusing custody of son....

    Does anyone have any experience with this type of situation? Here is the background info....

    My husband's middle son (16) moved in with us back in January this year and we went to court and obtained custody in July. His mom has been playing emotional games with him all year. When he first moved in with us she wouldn't come get him or would return him way early on her custody days, then when just enough time had passed for us to start suing for custody she started "wanting to rebuild her relationship with him" and demanded that he go back to her full time. Now, for the last two months (since she lost the child support on him) she's been trying to off load him whenever and however she can. She's been telling him he owes her for the lost child support ever since.

    Tonight she called my husband and said that from now on she was refusing her custody of him. She told my husband that the two of them had a long talk and that is was a mutual agreement. Both my husband and I think that neither of them has any right to make that decision at this point in time since my stepson is still a minor.

    The current plan is for my husband to threaten to sue for custody of the youngest son (14) if she doesn't accept custody for two reasons:

    1. Failure to want to interact with the 16 year old is proof of being a bad parent
    2. It is in both boys' best interest to be together for a majority of the time. (together 4 days/week except 5th week of month currently)

    However, it won't be an idle threat and I think we can make enough of a case for point number 1 based on past events.

    So, how do you deal with this type of situation? Its important to my husband that his two non-favorites of their mother kids maintain at least a civil relationship with her.

    Stefanie

  2. #2
    Registered User Parksfamily5's Avatar
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    I just want to say that I feel for you on this situation. I can not believe that a parent would treat their child like this. I think it is emotional abuse. My husbands ex wife kicked their daughter out within a month of the child support ending. We knew this would happen. She just wanted the money and didn't care about the daughter. It sounds like the boys would be better off with you and your husband. Hopefully someday she will regret her actions.

  3. #3
    Registered User Greebo's Avatar
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    What does the 14 year old want, regarding custody and his mom?

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    I have to ask, what do the boys want to do? At their ages it should be easier to get custody as any judge would ask the boys FIRST where they wanted to live.
    I would suggest you talk to a lawyer and see what they say about it. Sometimes the wants of the children is what they base custody on when kids are over 13. Their voices need to be heard, so be sure to ask them how they feel about things.

    They also have a kids representive (Guadian ad Litem), they act as a go-between for the kids and the courts so kids can be heard without having to go to court. You might check that out also. That way you know you what the kids are thinking and they may prove the case for you. Just something for you to check out. They really seem to help in custody cases.

    I wish you luck, your in my thoughts and prayers.

  6. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by Greebo View Post
    What does the 14 year old want, regarding custody and his mom?
    He'll live with the parent with whom he thinks he'll benefit the most from. Right now that is is his mother since he's the favorite and until recently he's ruled the house. However, the dynamic there has quickly been changing.

    We think that in two years he'll be asking to move in with us anyway. His mother's boyfriend has moved in with her and he'll have nothing to do with the two kids. Also, she's about to move into the next county and he's very into marching band so we think there will be some commitment issues with her having to drive 30 minutes each way before/after practice every morning/afternoon and football game.

    We've also decided that since we've gotten the older brother that its a bit of a stretch for us to pay for all three of their cell phones, cars, insurance etc. on top of a hefty child support amount so, in the near future we are going to be letting her know that we were not going to pay for those things on the youngest since we are for the oldest two. I can tell you she won't pay for them either so that would start factoring in about 2 years from now too.

    Stefanie

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    Registered User Greebo's Avatar
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    If the 14 yr old wants to be with mom, the Courts will likely take that into consideration. Suit at this time may be a waste of time and money on your part.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Greebo View Post
    If the 14 yr old wants to be with mom, the Courts will likely take that into consideration. Suit at this time may be a waste of time and money on your part.
    I don't think so. The court refused the oldest one his choice in the past based on the decision that it was not in the siblings best interest to be separated. If she successfully refuses custody and custody doesn't change they will only be together 3 days out of every two weeks. And custody aside, I thought the courts frowned heavily on this type of behavior.

    I really feel that if we tried we could successfully argue emotional abuse/bad parenting. I do personally feel that it would be better for him to be with us anyway. This is a woman who locked her oldest son out her house and went out of town for the day and took his cell phone and keys to MY car with her because she was mad at him. My husband and I were two states away at the time and the son couldn't get into either of our houses.

    Stefanie
    Last edited by txsun; 10-03-2008 at 10:22 AM.

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    What a horrible situation for a mother to put her child in. As if the teen years did not come with their own unique set of pressures. Bio-mom is a selfish witch!

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    Registered User Greebo's Avatar
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    Well your lawyer and you know best, I'm sure. I imagine it has a lot to do with the Judge too.

    Good luck no matter what!

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    Registered User fernykins's Avatar
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    I would go for cusody now........poor kids to have to live like that.
    Fern

  12. #11

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    Quote Originally Posted by Greebo View Post
    Well your lawyer and you know best, I'm sure. I imagine it has a lot to do with the Judge too.

    Good luck no matter what!
    Well, we are hoping that just threatening her will work and are not actively planning a law suit. We just did this 3 months ago. My husband has been reluctant to play the bad mother card in court to date, however, he won't hold back if she refuses to see her son. Right now she's a joint custodian, so if nothing else we'll go to get her rights revoked. We won't have her trying to meddle in his affairs at school if she won't even see him.

    Stefanie

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    Registered User nvmommyx6's Avatar
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    All I can say is ...I read things like this and I am thankful our ex's screwed them selves and lost all custody and visitational rights. His boys see their mom every few years and come home miserable! His daughter refuses to have anything to do with her and none of mine want anything to do with their dad!
    I'll keep you and yours in my prayers
    Mommy

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