What's changed since you got married?
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  1. #1
    Registered User Cricket1's Avatar
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    Default What's changed since you got married?

    I'm reading "How to Make an American Quilt." I saw the movie years ago and I remember that one character's story in the movie was particularly sad and that was because she had changed so much after she was married and became a mother that she had almost nothing in common with who she was before she was married (and why her husband fell in love with her). Anyway, it got me to thinking--how have you (male and female) changed since marriage and/or parenthood. Many (obviously) would say they are more responsible, but are there ways that you changed that aren't so pretty?!?!?

    I'll go first--I'm definitely more of a nag now than I ever was: I need to lighten up!! I also used to be more willing to try new things--different experiences, different places. For example, now if dh and I are going out on a date night--I'd better know what we are doing and where we are going because I don't want to waste a precious night out (without kiddos) or money. Back in the day, we were much more spontaneous. Just got in the car and drove without having a clue of where we were going, maybe we'd try out a new restaurant or movie without fear of wasting our money or time.

    So....let's hear it! I can't be the only one that has become a boring nag, can I?!?!?

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    Registered User fixer's Avatar
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    Marriage has made plan for the future more. Everything I do relates to a benefit down the road. I try to live in the moment but, I just can't. My wife and I talk about taking a nice vacation but I doubt we ever will. We just save money for the future without taking time to enjoy today. It is really not all that bad, there are financial rewards for this line of thinking. I hope when I am eighty I am not seeing what an investment will yield in twenty years.

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    I would definitely say I am more of a nag too. I wish I was more care-free and laid back, but I am always stressing. I would also say that I am more critical of myself since we got married.

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    Registered User Michelle68's Avatar
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    Well, for me it's a bit different I think because I was actually a young single mother before DH and I married. Because of that, we never had a lot of spontaneity in the relationship because I already had a little one to think about. I guess I could say that the biggest change I've noticed in myself since we married 18 years ago is I've learned how to depend on someone else when I need to. Before we married, I never knew what it was like to have someone there to help financially, emotionally, etc. Once we were married, I had to learn to share the responsibilitiesof life with my DH instead of always trying to be totally self-sufficient. Actually, even after all these years, sometimes I still have trouble with that.

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    After 53 years..hmmm...I guess a lot has changed, although I still have some of the dewy-eyed 19-year-old in me. I'm MUCH more comfortable in our relationship than at first. More appreciative of his good points and more tolerant of the faults.
    Now that we've gotten through the child-raising years and the working years and are retired, we are together most of the time, and we like it!!

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    Registered User Momto2Boyz's Avatar
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    DH and I have both changed, in that we have changed roles & personalities somewhere along the way! When we first started out, I was the high strung, high stress one that worried about things and he was the laid back one who always figured he would get things done in his own time, etc. And now, we have totally reversed roles. I'm much more the laid back one and he worries about things more than I do now!

    That and when we lived together but weren't married, DH was tricking me into believing he was helpful around the house (this charade went on for 2 years) Then BAM...the wedding came along, and he stopped helping with the dishes, taking the garbage out, he no longer even knows where the vacuum is kept!

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    Registered User ahmom's Avatar
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    I'm more relaxed than I was then. I am 24 years older though.
    I use to whip my hair into shape and wear makeup every single day. I haven't done that for 23 years.

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    I am more of a control freak now than I ever was due to both the children and my hubby. Sometimes, it ain't pretty.

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    Registered User The Muse's Avatar
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    Not much, that's the beauty of not having kids. I've been watching my friends struggle in their marriages since adding kids to the mix and I'm glad we didn't do that.

    I've become a better cook and homemaker, he's become better at home improvement projects, and we have a solid plan for the future. That's about all that's changed. It's been all for the better.

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    Registered User Marie78's Avatar
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    I've been married for just over a month, but living with my Dh for over 3 years. I have changed since we have been together. I nag, I try to control more than I did when we were dating. I am pregnant now and I am changing so fast on a daily basis, I will tell my Dh I don't know who I am anymore. One moment I am excited about being a mommy and the next moment I am horrified and wonder if we should have waited one or two more years to start our family. I keep reminding myself that we both want children in our life and it was one of the reasons we got married, so we could start a family right away. Marriage has changed me the most at the moment, because we are having a baby:

    My roots are growing in (dying hair isn't safe in the first trimester)
    My belly is fuller and because of bloating I can't suck it in that much anymore.
    I wear whatever fits around the house, even if it doesn't really match well or is outdated.
    I wear my glasses more on the weekend and evenings because my eyes dry out quicker now.
    I'm too tired to do much except eat and sleep after work.
    I'm queasy on and off, so I'm no good at helping cook or clean up the dinner.
    I am so tired I forget everything (and that's not like me).
    I'm slower to react when people talk to me, it's like my mind is taking that much longer to process words and their meanings these days.

    I think as a new mommy I may not recognize myself from who I was a year before. I worry that I am losing bits of myself and I fear that this is "growing up." I'm 30 years old and I know it's about time, and I really hope I have come to terms with the new me in 7 1/2 months.

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    Registered User Dancing Lotus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MoonMommy View Post
    I am more of a control freak now than I ever was due to both the children and my hubby. Sometimes, it ain't pretty.
    Same here, I'm more of a control freak.

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    I think change in a relationship is a "has to be". You grow and change all along the way, you can't stay the same person you was, experiences change who you are.

    I know I have changed in many ways, I have to admit I don't worry or work as hard at my appearance! I use to always wear makeup and do my hair first thing in the morning to start my day. Now I only make that effort if I am going somewhere. I really feel shameful over that one, as my husband does have the right to see me dressed up daily, and that is something I plan on working on.

    I think we get lazy in our relationships in putting an effort in to making sure we all (men included) act somewhat like we did when we were dating. You know you wouldn't have been caught dead while dating running around in joggers, hair uncombed, and no makeup on. I think that may be a good idea for me, I for one see I need to put more effort in to myself. I know its hard to find the time, but it only takes 5 minutes and we can all find that time.

    With 32 years of marriage I find I can talk to my husband about anything, and that I am grateful for. We are very honest in this family and feel like being able to talk about anything keeps things going well. I love that I can look across a crowded room and let my husband know what I am thinking, he can read me like a book. I have to admit the comfort of his hand, his heart, and his love has changed me in to who I am today. I wouldn't change anything, as it is what we have experienced that makes us who we are today!

  14. #13
    Registered User MomToTwoBoys's Avatar
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    I've had to change myself. I really do miss being the old me, but every time I want to go back to being the old me, I feel like DH won't accept me. It's everything from the way I dress to the way I speak to the way I act. Sometimes, it's really uncomfortable because I feel like someone else completely.

    I hate the fact that I've had to change. I hate the fact that I've had to adopt a lifestyle that I'm not completely comfortable with. I also hate the fact that I have to give up certain things to make everyone else happy. It shouldn't be that way.

    I love my kids and I love my husband. However, I don't love myself. I always have to put someone else first and I know most people will tell me to put myself first. If I did that, my family would crumble and cease to exist.

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    interesting question...in some ways I am a better person-much less selfish, I love being part of a team and thinking about what's best for the family rather than just myelf. I have had to get used to letting someone see me completely vulnerable and that can be hard for me. I was raised in sturdy stock that pounded in your head "Don't ever let anyone see you crack!" so slowly letting someone in my little private universe where I am not always strong and I have my hurts and wow the fact that he still loves me just blows my mind! For the negative I am much less apt to try new things sometimes I feel like I am aging way too fast. I used to be the one to just spontaneously try anything and now I get annoyed if my little schedule gets interrupted and I wish I could be a little more flexible and fun for y kids.

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    Before I was married I:

    -Worked on cars a lot.
    -Brewed a lot of beer, and drank it while working on cars.
    -Had lots of fun in the sack. Frequently.

    Now I:

    -Work on cars a lot.
    --Brew a lot of beer, and drink it while working on cars.
    -Am practially a monk and can't remember what sex is like.

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