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11-30-2010, 08:30 AM #1
Warning: Sister in Law vent ahead (long)
My MIl passed away this summer, she lived with my SIl, who neither my hubby nor or I particularly got along with, she's very difficult. We did not discuss, but looked up online, the status of their shared house- it was my MIL's years ago, at some point in recent years she sold it to my SIL for $1. We did not ask/discuss this with SIL as she is so hard to deal with, but were relieved- the house is a dump, septic would need to be brought up to code to even sell, if we had ended up co-owning with her we KNOW she would be at us with her hand out all the time, saying 'it's your house too'. We have our very own house to worry about and pay for. So, win-win, she owns the house she's lived in 20+ years, we don't have to worry about the financial end of it.
Just found out she's been telling all the relatives in Europe that we're trying to kick them out of the house to sell it and trying to sell off all her Mom's things. WHAT? Nothing farther from the truth, haven't even spoken to her in 3 months due to the strain between my hubby and I and her, spoke of selling off furniture when after the funeral she ASKED us to go back to house to discuss and ASKED for our help putting stuff on craigslist etc to empty out the 'in law' apartment. We never even discussed how the profits would be split, just said we would help her with it, never heard about it again. My hubby spoke to her by phone once, and she was so full of venom about our lack of attention to her in her 'hard time' (she NEVER calls us, always expects us to call her, seems to have forgotten my husband lost a mother in this, too) he hasn't called her since.
I am aghast she is pulling this, though not really shocked- it's just her largest nasty lie to date. We don't even speak to those relatives she told, we heard it from another, one who already knew from us the state of things. Our first reaction was to call her out on it, then we decided her lies didn't even warrant a response from us, though we also considered calling and sweetly saying 'We heard you're worried about this- rest assured we are HAPPY to not have any tie to that house, with the work it needs to even be sold, and glad it's YOUR sole responsibility'. I hope she lives in fear of a lawyer's letter every time she goes to the mailbox, even though it's never coming.
So angry and hurt when we, and SHE, know nothing like that has transpired. His mother left nothing, we have not even asked for any of the $1k+ 'overage' on the life insurance after paying out her final expenses, have not even prodded to get back the $400 we spent out of pocket for her urn my SIl promised she'd pay back out of the life insurance (she pocketed it, at the end of the day, instead of repaying us)...we have asked for NOTHING, and she is telling FAMILY these terrible lies about us trying to kick her out of the house and sell off her mothers things.
What a nasty, dishonest woman! Hubby swears we are DONE with her, I hope so!
11-30-2010, 08:37 AM #2
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Close that chapter and open the next one, you're done with it.
She will wallow in self pity and spew her lies no matter what you and your husband do or say, so you are far better off without her.
11-30-2010, 09:00 AM #3
Time to press the ignore button and fill up that now vacated space SIL had in your life with good stuff. Out with the old & in with the new.. Ahh fresh air.
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11-30-2010, 09:29 AM #4
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Exacty like Russ and Darlene have said. Get your vent over with here, but just ignore her and all her drama.
If you call her out it will just stir more crap you don't want or need. If you don't talk to those relatives don't even worry about it. I am sure they already have her pegged anyway.
We are here to listen, just leave her be.
Hope you feel better.
11-30-2010, 10:22 AM #5
I think if SIL lived with MIL and was responsible for her care then giving the house to her was appropriate. It doesn't sound like much if it is a dump.I don't know what SIL pocketed after the life insurance paid out the funeral expense and you still paid 1400 bucks, but that seems cheap for your share of a portion of the funeral.I think you are lucky. I have a different perspective. How would you know she was saying bad things about you unless someone was making sure to tell you? Sounds like a potstirer to me.Just go on your own way, if you do not like SIL, leave it at that. Life is just too short.
Last edited by annymoll; 11-30-2010 at 10:35 AM.
11-30-2010, 03:53 PM #6
As negative and venomous as things may seem from your end, have you tried to imagine it from her end? Yes she and your DH both lost a mother but now she's got no one. She's probably acting out b/c she doesn't know how to grieve or this is how she's subconsciously doing it. Telling anyone who will listen to any nasty lil toxic thing that she can think of to make herself feel better.
From the other side of the perspective: as long as she's not doing any harm to you or DH nor ruining the roof over your head nor the sound financial ground that you both stand on....I'd let her be. Vent here if you need to but don't spend any energy on her feeding into her little pity party.
11-30-2010, 05:55 PM #7
Hang in there. I am sure many of your relatives are more than aware of what is going on.
12-01-2010, 04:10 PM #8
Thanks folks. We are indeed just ignoring her, and while I don't think some members of the family 'get it' yet that she's out and out lying through her teeth about everything, I'm sure time will make that apparent. Just a new low with her, but now that my MIl is gone, we needn't deal with her at all if we choose not to, it's not like before when we were FORCED to as they lived together.
12-01-2010, 07:46 PM #9
I'm so sorry she is being so horrible to you guys. So sorry for your loss.
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