A little ticked

**maw-p** · 05-14-2011, 09:43 AM

Ok first my other half and I are not married, actually we just both got our divorces final but we have been together for the last 3 years. Have bought a house together, all accounts are together, the whole 9 yards except for the I DO's, which wont happen for quite awhile (long story but thank Uncle Sam). His ex is and has been a royal ____ ummmm well you fill in the blank. As soon as their divorce was final she started in again and I know that she has texted him recently and that he has replied but he has deleted all of them and I am a little ticked. Do I have the right to be or am I just being paranoid? He just says that she was griping but why delete them then?

Ok sorry but I just needed to vent a little this morn and really had nowhere else to do it.

**Debbie-cat** · 05-14-2011, 10:26 AM

I would be ticked if it was me. If he has nothing to hide then he shouldn't be so quick to delete the messages.

**Imarachne** · 05-14-2011, 10:29 AM

This would bear investigating, I think !

**pollypurebred39** · 05-14-2011, 10:42 AM

If my husband's ex texted him and he deleted it and didn't show me, I'd be far more then ticked, it would hit the fan. I don't suggest that this is the best way to handle it, in fact I'm positive that it's not. But I don't think you are overreacting, and this matter, like Imarachne said, bears some investigating.

**Russ** · 05-14-2011, 11:09 AM

Originally Posted by Imarachne

This would bear investigating, I think !

I agree

**krbshappy71** · 05-14-2011, 11:31 AM

Originally Posted by maw-p

Ok first my other half and I are not married, actually we just both got our divorces final but we have been together for the last 3 years. Have bought a house together, all accounts are together, the whole 9 yards except for the I DO's, which wont happen for quite awhile (long story but thank Uncle Sam). His ex is and has been a royal ____ ummmm well you fill in the blank. As soon as their divorce was final she started in again and I know that she has texted him recently and that he has replied but he has deleted all of them and I am a little ticked. Do I have the right to be or am I just being paranoid? He just says that she was griping but why delete them then?

Ok sorry but I just needed to vent a little this morn and really had nowhere else to do it.

Personally I have no clue when and how often my current bf texts and receives texts from his ex wife as they have kids together, live near each other, and remained friends. It doesn't bother me, I don't ask, I don't care to see their texts, I trust him. He keeps me up to date on what's going on with kid events, when he's going over to see them, etc. but he doesn't forward the texts, I guess for me that's their conversation. Heck, I've received texts from my ex and deleted them as I didn't want to see his name in my lists of text messages, ha! I'd rather have my inbox filled with my bf's love messages instead.

I'd personally try to stop the brain from running wild on this one and focus on the relationship between you two. Hugs to you!

**baxjul** · 05-14-2011, 02:29 PM

I would probably just ask what they said, and leave it at that. I don't like anyone looking at my phone, and I don't do anything wrong. So, I wouldn't want to snoop in anyone else's. But, that's just me.

**bonnotsm9** · 05-14-2011, 03:18 PM

My husband would delete a text from his ex-wife just because he'd doesn't like to communicate with her at all if possible.

**Libby** · 05-14-2011, 03:30 PM

I'd ask him about the texts and go from there. By discussing it - w/o raised voices/pointed fingers - you can express how you're feeling and he can share with you whats going on. He may even start showing you these texts in the future.

Best thing to do - communicate before jumping the gun and freaking out then go from there.

**mauimagic** · 05-14-2011, 07:00 PM

I'd probably feel anxious - but that's just my personality. However - you are an independent woman - strong enough to ask him about it, listen, then tell him how you're reacting - and then please be ready to let it go if there is no reason to hold onto it. He cannot help how his ex acts, you have control over how you react. Please let us know how it all works out.

**craftypam** · 05-14-2011, 08:18 PM

This really all depends on your relationship. It's really a trust issue. My dh had an ex and I always said he divorced her and married me.

**pollypurebred39** · 05-14-2011, 08:40 PM

Yep, just like Pam said. If my husband did that I would know instantly something was up. That's not the MO of our relationship, I know everything, he's an open book. Anything like texts I did not see would be huge red flags, add sirens and flashing lights.

**Spirit Deer** · 05-14-2011, 09:52 PM

Wow.

I delete stuff (not from ex's) because it's inconsequential, not because there's anything to hide. I'd be ticked if I had to save everything and show it to my husband instead of just being able to get rid of meaningless stuff.

**pollypurebred39** · 05-14-2011, 11:26 PM

I'm talking about female contacts, not every blessed message. He always wanted to know what I was up to because of his first marriage, so he in turn does the same. If that was something that instantly changed I'd know something was up. Frankly I don't care if he looks at all my stuff, or has the need to. It makes him feel better, more secure. I've got nothing to hide and it does not bother me for a second because I know the hell he went through in his first marriage. I'm sensitive to the trauma he suffered, it's PTSD. I get it.

**maw-p** · 05-15-2011, 09:12 AM

OK I am not insevure and I do trust him. I know he does not want to be with her and she doesnt live close so she is not around. Their children are grown and they all keep in touch with him so there is no need for her to be an in-between. She, to keep it clean, hates me to no end. She thinks that I am the reason they are no longer together, nevermind the fact that the last 10 years of their marraige she was gone more than she was home. She has caused my alot of grief and I deal with it more than I should just so his kids dont think I am some psycho who hates their mother. I asked him about the texts, he did tell me she had texted him and he told me she was mad and griping (and I am sure it was all my fault and she did no wrong lol) b/c he had deleted and blocked her from our farm facebook page. She was commenting on things and sending messages acting her usual mentally unstable way. Why I even agreed to let her add our farm page I am yet to understand b/c I knew this would happen.

Sorry to go on and on but I try to keep this all in so I am not constantly griping about her. But how do I get her to grow up and move on already? I really believe she is a stalker in training lmao