Why me!!!!! just a rant.

**fernykins** · 06-13-2012, 11:48 PM

A little back ground..... I am one of 7 kids my sister who is 14 months younger then me. Well 17 years ago the state of Ca took my sisters girls away from her and gave them to me. They gave her 5 years to get them back. She refused to give up the drugs and alcohol. So I raised them to adult hood. I am still in their lives. Well they tried to get together with their mom. Didn't work. They are 31 and 28. They want nothing to do with her. So now I'm getting phone calls I'm going to kill myself if they don't call me. They won't. She just beat up her husband busted his windshield. She's drunk off her A**. Mine you I'm in Ca she's in ND and the girls are in IL and Tx. I will not make them(as if I could) talk to her. Her husband told me he's done. So I will know be blamed for her marriage ending........
I have spent the last 25 years helping the youngest who was drug and alcohol fed in the womb and out by nursing her. Day and night 24/7 when she's on her way down hill. I'm able to change her mood everything. Sometimes it takes me hours to calm her down. I don't need someone to come along (just because they gave birth to her) set her off. I'm sorry she lost her kids...... I'm not sorry I raised them, or that I love them. She just makes me so angery.
Fern

**melanies** · 06-13-2012, 11:54 PM

You did a great thing raising those kids Fern.

**frugalfranny** · 06-14-2012, 12:44 AM

Hugs Fern!!! You don't need this stress and are not the cause of her problems.

Sorry this is going on.......family stuff can SUCK sometimes!

**fernykins** · 06-14-2012, 02:05 AM

I have not talked to her since our grandmother died in 2000........ She is the one to make the effort. I'm done I have other things I need to worry about.... Besides she's 54 yo. She needs to grow up. I did my best....with all six kids....
Fern

**mamamia** · 06-14-2012, 05:19 AM

Exactly Fern! You did your best. Just remember that, and also that you and anybody else cannot do anymore than just that! At least you can look back with a good conscience, and you have those two young women to remind you of it too!

Hugs, and hang in there!!

Theresa

**nodmicks** · 06-14-2012, 07:35 AM

Hugs Fern! You did such an awesome thing raising those kids. You dont deserve this. Hugs again!

**Hamada** · 06-14-2012, 01:45 PM

You have every right to feel the way you do. There is only so much a person can take. If you can screen any incoming calls. Take care of yourself Fern.

**Ceashels** · 06-14-2012, 08:25 PM

Those girls are so fortunate to have you in their lives. Blessings to you for doing such a great job. I can't offer any advice but I can send you lots of hugs.

:

**Momto5RN** · 06-14-2012, 09:01 PM

next time she is calling you threatening to kill herself
call the police in her area to go check on her . hand it over to someone else-

**BlissMommy** · 06-15-2012, 02:03 AM

Hugs, Fern. You did such a wonderful thing for those girls. Don't answer the phone!

**fernykins** · 06-15-2012, 02:26 AM

I'm so done..... The girls do not want contact with her. I don't want contact with her. I am not going to answer the phone to her Thank God for caller ID......
Fern

**mauimagic** · 06-15-2012, 02:34 AM

How fortunate that you and the girls are - blessings for all that you have done for them - and I know that they have given you many blessings over the many years.

Bear with me - I am still working this out as it relates to my life - and see if it's something that might work for you. Bottom line for me is - tha ability to change how I react to conditions/behaviors of others - everything out of my control that tend to affect me emotionally. I get to choose how I react and perhaps these calls from your younger sister may afford you the same opportunity - possibly to not use/waste your precious energies on reacting to her.

Does that make any sense? Guess I have been working on this for a long time - it finally sunk in and I am able to use this change of thinking to my advantage.

Whatever you do - know that you were given an opportunity those many years ago to make a difference in the lives of those girls - and you did - and you did it so well. Tae care my friend and please be kind to yourself.

**cab54** · 06-15-2012, 01:54 PM

Fern, you are SUCH a good woman! It seems like no good deed goes unpunished sometimes, right?

Please don't let her make you feel guilty if her marriage fails, or her kids don't come to see her. You've gone above and beyond what most folks would do, and you should be as proud of those kids as if they were your own (they ARE, really). Addicts reap what they sow. Sad, and we should and do feel compassion for them, but you need to emotionally distance yourself from her harsh words. Tell her you love her and always will, but until she cleans up her life, she will always have these problems. It's sooo much easier said than done to distance emotionally and still 'be there' for them with your love.

My prayers are with you, sis, and daughters.

**paul59** · 07-03-2012, 12:53 AM

Great job man i also think that they have given you many blessings over the many years. you r a great human being may GOD bless u always that what u have done for those kids.