He left AGAIN!

**MrsHutto** · 07-31-2012, 12:51 AM

So, some of you know my past. For those of you who don't, I've been married for two years and separated three times (as of yesterday), because DH randomly decides he doesn't want to be married. It's different this time. I'm glad he left. I'm so tired of the way he treats me. He expected me to leave the house, but I refused, so he went to his parents'. He came today, while I was at work, and took the most expensive things in our house. I just don't understand why he thinks he's right by doing that. I don't understand why his parents make it so easy for him to treat me like absolute shit. I'm SO mad. I'm so confused. I don't think I want him here, but I love him. How do I move on? How do I end a marriage with the man I love so much?

**grneyegrl** · 07-31-2012, 01:20 AM

you have to be done with him..dont allow anyone to treat u so badly..no one could live with such an immature adult..good luck..take careof your self

**grneyegrl** · 07-31-2012, 01:21 AM

also call the police.. i dont think he is allowed to remove anything with out acourt order

**The Muse** · 07-31-2012, 05:47 AM

Do you love him or do you love the idea of him or possibly who/how he was when you married him? Someone who leaves three times and treats you like dirt does not deserve your love.

Marriage can be tough, especially at the beginning, and I can understand and forgive (though not condone) leaving once to gather thoughts, etc. but leaving twice or three times is completely unacceptable.

His actions show that he doesn't want to be with you.

My decision to divorce was the toughest decision I ever made. I loved him, but there were things that were broken that we just could not fix. I still love him and always will, but now I consider him one of my best friends and things are much better for both of us that way.

I'm sorry that you're going through this, one step at a time, it's all you can do. It will hurt, but it gets better.

**ladykemma2** · 07-31-2012, 09:38 AM

i divorced a man i still loved.

it hurt like heck, but it had to be done, for my health, my safety and my sanity. he was mentally ill.

for you, your self esteem.

**Spirit Deer** · 07-31-2012, 09:58 AM

It seems like if he's skimming off the most valuable possessions, he's made a final decision to end the marriage. That's different than just leaving to think things over, like before. Something has changed.

His parents are supporting him in this because A) he's their son and B) they're only hearing his side of things.

Good luck. It's going to hurt, but you'll get through it and come out stronger.

**josantoro** · 07-31-2012, 10:38 AM

I would change the locks, contact a lawyer, and concentrate on giving YOURSELF the love you need and deserve. You may love him, but it sounds like you won't be getting any love from him in return.

(((((HUGS)))))

ETA, also make a list of the things he took, to show the divorce court. The court can equalize things out, don't worry.

**Contrary Housewife** · 07-31-2012, 11:13 AM

Been there. Only I got sick at work and came home early and caught him in the act of unhooking the TV and stereo.

In the end it made it easier for me to move on unencumbered.

He's a sh#t and your loving him and wanting him will not ever change that. You don't have to stop loving him but you do need to stop letting him treat you this way and you need to prepare yourself for a life without him.

For right now you take it one day at a time and you do what you need to do to protect yourself physically, financially and emotionally.

**Sibrie** · 07-31-2012, 11:41 AM

He's not worthy of you, don't let him play with your feelings and your self esteem.

On a practical note: safe what you can. Do you have separate bank accounts? If not, open one for you and ask your employer to pay your wages into that account. Keep valuables (jewelry?) at a safe place, and keep important documents safe, too. Is your name on any credit card that he uses?

One step at a time. Don't worry - as that will take too much time and energy; plan.

**Russ** · 07-31-2012, 12:11 PM

Originally Posted by MrsHutto

How do I end a marriage with the man I love so much?

If he loved you, he wouldn't do these things to you.

**ilovechocolate** · 07-31-2012, 12:16 PM

You may want to get some counseling to help you realize that loving someone doesn't mean you let them run all over you.

You can't help how you feel, but you CAN help how you react.

You can and will get through this, even though right now you cannot imagine that you will.

**NikoSan999** · 07-31-2012, 12:22 PM

Number 1...change the locks...ALL of them before he comes back and you come home and the house is totally empty. Make sure the windows are locked from the inside. If you have a security system...ADT etc...notify them of the lock change so the alarm will go off and catch him removing stuff

**frugalfranny** · 07-31-2012, 01:35 PM

Originally Posted by MrsHutto

I don't think I want him here, but I love him. How do I move on? How do I end a marriage with the man I love so much?

First...............big hugs to you. Hang in there, it will hurt, and you will be sad, but you WILL get through it.

Then..........ask YOURSELF................IS THIS WHAT YOU THINK YOU DESERVE???? And keep asking, if you have to,..........then make your decision based on your answer. If it isn't what YOU THINK you deserve.............what are you going to do about it? This is your life...........don't live it for someone else............and don't let people treat you any worse than YOU THINK you should be treated!!

**MrsHutto** · 07-31-2012, 03:42 PM

Thanks, everyone! According to the lawyer, I cannot change the locks unless I'm granted sole use of the home. Apparently, in SC, that's a difficult feat to accomplish. I'm not concerned for my safety, but I do NOT want him to waltz in anytime he feels froggy. He's sending his father over to pick up an antique cabinet that belonged to his grandparents, and my FIL is determined to come while I'm at work. I'm not comfortable with that, but the lawyer said there's nothing I can do about it if he is given a key and granted permission to enter the home, by my husband. Blah! I'm so tired of his crap.

**Russ** · 07-31-2012, 03:54 PM

He has left you 3 times in just over 2 years and he treats you like crap.

My opinion... cut your losses, file for divorce and get on with your life. It's plain to see that's what his plan is.

As for the property... Start writing everything down and take pictures of everything that is left. If you have someone that can help you, have them take the pictures with you in it. Make sure the date is correct on the camera. Make sure your friend is aware of the date as well. This is all about you and survival now.