Little Sister
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Thread: Little Sister

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    Registered User Mr Fixit's Avatar
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    Default Little Sister

    I need your opinions on something. One the girls younger sister is not getting along with her mother. I think it is that she is growing up and her opinions and her mother do not agree. She wants to hang out with her friends more , and her mother doesn't like that. Her mother seems to be way over protective and does not allow her to use her own judgement about anything. So she has all but moved in with us.
    She is a very intelligent sweet kid, and never does anything wrong. She loves us all to death, and seems to be right at home with us, and very comfortable and happy.
    Since the girls and I are not married, and just living together, I am wondering if living
    with us is the best environment for little Sis. She has known about our arrangement for 5 years, and seems to be very comfortable with the situation, but she is young and I would never want her to be influenced by our life style. We always act properly around her, and always try to conduct ourselves like a normal family, but it just is not a normal family situation.
    Do you think she is old enough to understand, and how might it affect her in the future. Again, she absolutely adores us all, and she has never said anything or ask any questions about our relationship, and seems to simply accept us for who we are!
    Last edited by Mr Fixit; 10-07-2012 at 11:14 AM.

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    Registered User Nadders11's Avatar
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    I think I missed something. What life style are you referring to? How old is the little sis?

    But really it shouldn't matter what the situation is as long as the people living in the house have healthy relationships.

    Who's to say what is normal? For a lot of kids normal is their parents fighting, their dad drinking or being abused every day. If in your house normal is people who love and care for each other, I think she's lucky.

    Plus kids adapt and go with the flow easily. I wouldn't worry about it at all. Infact it will probably benefit her to see some diversity and another "normal".

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    Registered User Mr Fixit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nadders11 View Post
    I think I missed something. What life style are you referring to? How old is the little sis?

    But really it shouldn't matter what the situation is as long as the people living in the house have healthy relationships.

    Who's to say what is normal? For a lot of kids normal is their parents fighting, their dad drinking or being abused every day. If in your house normal is people who love and care for each other, I think she's lucky.

    Plus kids adapt and go with the flow easily. I wouldn't worry about it at all. Infact it will probably benefit her to see some diversity and another "normal".
    Thanks Nadders, Little Sis is 13 years old. She is very sweet and intelligent, and she doesn't seem to think my relationship with her big sister and Lisa is out of the norm. Sometimes I think we are more of a normal family than most. We never fight, are always respectful of each other, and try to be happy and enjoy life as much as we can. We all lover her and treat her like just another member of our household. I think she finds it refreshing that we do not tell her what to do or what she cant do unless it's a have to case. Most of the time we just tell her what we think and she ends up making the right decision. We do make sure we always know where she is at and who she is with and she respects that. We take her to her friends house or let them sleep over at our house, and she seems happier than she has ever been.
    I know she loves her mother, and am thinking they just need some time apart to help them patch things up.We have told her that she is welcome in our house anytime she wants to stay with us, and if she wants to go back home to her mother it is all her decision. She is actually one of the most mature 13 year olds I have ever met.

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    Registered User Rona's Avatar
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    I think it's lovely that she has people in her life to turn to, however I would get her back with her mother asap. That is where she should be, however good intentioned ye are (and you do sound really well intentioned) what you are curently teaching her is that if things get difficult then leave? not how to stay and work through any issues she has with her Mum, not how to compromise on issues with her Mum but to leave??? She is 13, all/most 13year olds have issues with their Mums and if her issue is that her Mum is overprotective - well that's not that bad of a situation is it? She is not being abused(verbally,physically,mentally or sexually) and overprotective Mum's normally come from a really caring loving place - they just need to learn to let go a wee bit.
    So how about getting her back home and maybe big sis having a word with Mum about letting go a bit.
    Of course she loves being at your house, it's freedom that she didn't have at home but no matter how mature she appears 13 year olds are not mini adults capable of making adult decisions. Her brain is not capable of seeing long term consequences. She is a child and her place is with her mother.

    Of course this opinion is just that, an opinion! And i can only come from once being a 13year old with Mum issues, who's family always bent an ear to but who always sent her home to work things out. Based on information you have given my opinion is that you could possible be doing more harm than good. Get her home....
    Last edited by Rona; 10-07-2012 at 01:29 PM. Reason: spelling

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    Registered User Lovemybliss's Avatar
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    It sounds like the situation with Little Sis is more of a normal problem than any abusive situation. I would stay out of it and not attempt to interfere.

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    If she is 13 then it is not your decision to make. She is a minor and her mother gets to make that decision, not her, not you.

    What she is going through at home is perfectly normal and it will work itself out in a few years. Meanwhile you and big sis can be a positive example for her when she visits.
    Stop trying to organize all of your family’s crap. If organization worked for you, you’d have rocked it by now. It’s time to ditch stuff and de-crapify your world.

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    Registered User LynnLC's Avatar
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    Yes. This is the mom's decision. Not you, the 2 GFs or a 13 yr old child's...

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    Registered User Mr Fixit's Avatar
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    Well it wasn't our decision, even her mom wanted her t stay with us for a while, so the fighting must have been bad. And I have told Erin, ( her big sister ) that she needs to go back to her mother as soon as the air clears. I am just afraid that little sis is not going to want to go home. I actually try to stay out of this and let Erin and her mom make all of the decisions. All I can do is let her know that we love her and care for her well being.

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    Registered User nodmicks's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lovemybliss View Post
    It sounds like the situation with Little Sis is more of a normal problem than any abusive situation. I would stay out of it and not attempt to interfere.
    As a mom of teens I have to agree . My opinion has nothing to do with your living arrangment

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    Registered User nodmicks's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Fixit View Post
    Well it wasn't our decision, even her mom wanted her t stay with us for a while, so the fighting must have been bad. And I have told Erin, ( her big sister ) that she needs to go back to her mother as soon as the air clears. I am just afraid that little sis is not going to want to go home. I actually try to stay out of this and let Erin and her mom make all of the decisions. All I can do is let her know that we love her and care for her well being.
    I am totally baffled why mom would do that. You don't fix your problems by sending the kid to stay elsewhere.

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    Registered User Mr Fixit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nodmicks View Post
    I am totally baffled why mom would do that. You don't fix your problems by sending the kid to stay elsewhere.
    I think her mom has some things going on that we dont know about. Erin suspects that she is having some bouts of depression. She has been going to the doctor a lot lately, so hopefully she is getting help and will be better soon.
    She is still with us and she seems to be very happy when she is with us. So that is all I know now. At least she has a place to stay where she is comfortable and happy, and of course she is with her big sister as well.

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    mr. fixit u seem to care for this child...your living situation while unorthadox is not on the table....do u feel like u are butting in....

    mothers and daughters fight..the most perfect teen to others will treat her mother horribly it is the nature of the beast..If the child is being abused or abusing mom then it is a different story..If mom's 'mental illness' is keeping her from caring for the child then she needs to stay with your family.....

    maybe giving them a breather space will help them to work it out.....I would strongly advise u advocate for the child and parents best interest...I hope your family does bare the resentment if mom thinks u are meddlesome or if the child turns.....

    I wish for the best for all...Pen

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    Registered User Mr Fixit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by oheoh's momma View Post
    mr. fixit u seem to care for this child...your living situation while unorthadox is not on the table....do u feel like u are butting in....

    mothers and daughters fight..the most perfect teen to others will treat her mother horribly it is the nature of the beast..If the child is being abused or abusing mom then it is a different story..If mom's 'mental illness' is keeping her from caring for the child then she needs to stay with your family.....

    maybe giving them a breather space will help them to work it out.....I would strongly advise u advocate for the child and parents best interest...I hope your family does bare the resentment if mom thinks u are meddlesome or if the child turns.....

    I wish for the best for all...Pen
    Her mother does not have any resentment towards us at all, and is very appreciative that we are taking care of her daughter. Little Sis is doing fine, making good grades, and is happy. She misses her mother and worries about her. She spent last weekend with her mother and things went well. Maybe they are working things out, but we do not pry into their relationship or ask a lot of questions and try to avoid being nosey. We are simply giving them both time to work things out on their own terms.

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