budgeting with a live in boyfriend

**frugal is fun** · 10-15-2013, 02:43 PM

my boyfriend and I have been talking about moving in together. I own my home (well, I pay an affordable mortgage on my home), live within my means and save for things like retirement, college, rainy day etc. I can afford what I have but not many extras. If I didn't save as much as I do, I would have more spending money but that's another issue.

So theoretically I can afford everything as is. How do most people figure out the how much each contributes to the "family" spending. Is it by who can afford what, is it 50/50, is it a percentage of each other's salary etc? We haven't talked about this yet as its just talk right now but I would like to get an idea of how others do it so I can be prepared when the time comes.

**Giro** · 10-15-2013, 02:52 PM

I would split "common" bills 50/50. Since you own the home, use an average rent number for this, electric, gas, cable and food are all common. I would ask him to contribute half of those things.

**ambroseya** · 10-15-2013, 03:07 PM

Since you pay an affordable mortgage... I would split 50/50 many of the costs. All usual utilities... if you live in a place where you pay for pest control, trash pickup, emergency services, etc., you should split those as well. Also, do some research on eviction law in your area in case you break up. Some jurisdictions make it hard for you to force him out - and not that you want to right now or you wouldn't be moving in, but you should know your rights and abilities. Him paying toward it can make it seem like he's a real renter and that he deserves the 30 day or 90 day eviction... etc.

Other people will skew this depending on the difference of your incomes. Two people wear things out faster so it's important to charge even if "you are handling it by yourself now" - 2 people walking on the carpet wears it out twice as fast... 2 people flushing the toilet wear it out twice as fast... etc.

I know people who split by the ratio of income because that's really how it would be if they were married. It would not be a bad idea to look at both your finances and decide what you would do specifically if you were married and it was all one pot. Money is the biggest thing people fight about, and you ought to make sure you're on the same page. If you're moving in, you ought to both be honest open about the money even if you still keep separate accounts, you both need to know what's going on with them.

**Ayanka** · 10-15-2013, 03:19 PM

Have a chat with your boyfriend about what he is expecting. Maybe he just expects to pay 50/50 of the bills and then I would just accept it. Is he aware of your savings etc? If not having an open discussion about it before you move in might be a good idea. Making some kind of family budget (what does he expect to be paying for x) might not be a bad idea either. It doesn't have to be detailed (ours was a sketch out of our head) but it gives you an idea of the expenses.

**frugal is fun** · 10-15-2013, 05:01 PM

I do plan to talk about this BEFORE we actually make the move, just wasn't sure how to approach it, meaning whats "fair". He is aware of all of my savings, not specific amounts but he knows I pay into a 401K, college, etc., and I am aware of his financial status as well. We are at different places as far as what we both have, I have more, he has much less. He is responsible with paying bills and doesn't have debt but he works for himself and jobs and income are "spotty" to say the least.

I know love is blind so I'm trying to have my eyes somewhat open to reality

when I was married my then husband was responsible for the mortgage and I was responsible for all the bills and groceries. I honestly don't remember what we did as far as entertainment. I think it was whoever still had money left paid for the "extra" stuff and I think we both saved equally.

**TheKeswickBlogger** · 10-15-2013, 05:06 PM

Originally Posted by frugal is fun

my boyfriend and I have been talking about moving in together. I own my home (well, I pay an affordable mortgage on my home), live within my means and save for things like retirement, college, rainy day etc. I can afford what I have but not many extras. If I didn't save as much as I do, I would have more spending money but that's another issue.

So theoretically I can afford everything as is. How do most people figure out the how much each contributes to the "family" spending. Is it by who can afford what, is it 50/50, is it a percentage of each other's salary etc? We haven't talked about this yet as its just talk right now but I would like to get an idea of how others do it so I can be prepared when the time comes.

It is amazing how much just one other person will add to the bills. More hot water is used, more garbage is produced, more electricity, food, more, more, and more. So, while you can afford everything as is, nothing will remain as is when your boyfriend moves in.

I've always liked the Gail Vaz Oxlade method of dividing up the bills according to income. So that it is proportional to each person's income and no one is left with nothing after paying the bills. 50/50 is not usually the fairest way to deal with money in a relationship scenario IMHO.

Good luck no matter how you to choose to proceed. These life changes are what makes life exciting, no?

**Laurence Cote** · 10-16-2013, 11:34 AM

I moved in at my bf's house one year ago and I've only paid the groceries for now. Not that I tried to pay more but he doesn't want to for now (I'm a student). We'll probably pay 50/50 when we'll buy our house.

**frugal is fun** · 10-16-2013, 02:16 PM

thank you to all that responded. My income is considerably more than his, as of right now anyway. If he moved in with me it includes moving to a different state and there is just more money in the area I'm in so I "hope" he would have better earning potential. but I think to start, the percentage idea would work best.

**thriftyramblings** · 02-27-2018, 11:01 AM

I think the best course of action is to talk things out and decide who pays what. Since you earn considerably more than him, then maybe it would be better if you talk about how you will split the percentage of the fees you have to pay each month.

**mndtrp** · 02-27-2018, 01:55 PM

I made quite a bit more when my girlfriend moved in with me, we still split it 50/50. That amount was less than what she was paying prior to moving in with me, so she was happy with that amount. It was no change to me because my roommate moved out right before my girlfriend moved in. Some couples want the ratio based on income, some don't.

It's all about whatever you two come up with together. Simply have a discussion about what the two of you want, then come to a conclusion.