Husband having manic episodes - Page 2
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  1. #16
    Registered User DivaTracy's Avatar
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    You are right, he has had many issues for years..... but this doesn't explain his BP symptoms. I have never seen him act this way since 6/2013 and now it's happening (episodes) every 5-6 months and lasting 2-3 months. I'm going crazy here, our daughter doesn't even want to be home and I tremble with fear the minute I know I have to go home from work, etc. I dont think he would ever hit me, but in his state, he's very verbally abusive and he puts me down as if I am a piece of garbage. Just yesterday he took the $80 we use for gas, etc out of the drawer we keep it in and went to Walmart and bought shirts YET he used the debit card and now is keeping the $80 as if to say "YOU CANT HAVE ANY!"

    He's picking fights with the neighbors to where the police are called, acting way out of control, spending money, saying dumb things about taking the business down to which he lost his job from, etc...

  2. #17
    Registered User ilovechocolate's Avatar
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    If he physically harms you then leave. Take your daughter and go. Do you have a plan in place? He may be sick but you MUST look out for yourself and your child.

    If he is making threats against others (former workplace) then you might consider calling law enforcement. Again, he may be sick, but it might be what he needs to perhaps commit himself for an evaluation or at least go to a doctor.

    I wish you well. It's a bad, sad situation.

  3. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by DivaTracy View Post
    You are right, he has had many issues for years..... but this doesn't explain his BP symptoms. I have never seen him act this way since 6/2013 and now it's happening (episodes) every 5-6 months and lasting 2-3 months. I'm going crazy here, our daughter doesn't even want to be home and I tremble with fear the minute I know I have to go home from work, etc. I dont think he would ever hit me, but in his state, he's very verbally abusive and he puts me down as if I am a piece of garbage. Just yesterday he took the $80 we use for gas, etc out of the drawer we keep it in and went to Walmart and bought shirts YET he used the debit card and now is keeping the $80 as if to say "YOU CANT HAVE ANY!"

    He's picking fights with the neighbors to where the police are called, acting way out of control, spending money, saying dumb things about taking the business down to which he lost his job from, etc...
    Its time to go. Sorry...but you have been putting up with him far too long & your daughter has witnessed it all...Put her first & get out.

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  5. #19
    Registered User DivaTracy's Avatar
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    I agree that it's time to go, the question is WHERE? I dont have any family that would take me in (a whole different story), so for now I am here and saving up money. I have been dealing with all these issues for far too long and it's funny everyone keeps asking me "How do you do it?" I say "do what?" They say "Stay so strong?". Because I am a strong person, just doesnt help I have no where to go, or anyone to turn to, at least not local. If I move to a friends house it would be another state and I lose my good paying job.

    My daughter and I have talked about possibly getting an apartment together and she said she would help with rent, the problem is security deposit and honestly I would be left with no money, which is fine because I know I can do it.

    On the note of the manic episodes, If I left, I am sure he would harass me at my job, either by calling or stopping in and I just wouldn't be able to handle that. Kinda thinking I could just move to another state and start fresh but my daughter wouldnt come with me, since she wouldnt leave her BF behind.

  6. #20
    Registered User Brat's Avatar
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    Do you have a shelter there.. If so they will help you get into a safe place..

  7. #21
    Registered User DivaTracy's Avatar
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    I am not sure about any shelters but my DD is going to talk to her BF since he has a spare bedroom, we would have to help with a little rent but that's fine, I just have to mentally prepare myself for this. As I sit here at the library since I'm too nervous to be home, I worry about everything and I mean everything.

    Today before leaving for work he was staring out the window and then a friend who is stayiing with us texted me while I was at work saying he was still there just staring out the window. I worry about him but nothing I say or do can help him. He gets angry at me for no reason, so I try my best to stay away.

  8. #22
    Registered User frugalfriend's Avatar
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    Oh Tracy, you must develop a secure plan of action. I know you have lots of different ideas floating around right now, but you need to develop a definite plan for when he gets violent again, because he will. Do a search for a women's shelter in your area and go there with your daughter when you need to. They can help you get on your feet in many ways. It would only be temporary until you can save up more money and get out on your own. You should not have to live in fear. If it works out to move in with your daughter's boyfriend, then that might be another option, but please don't stay where you are. If he won't get help, he has left you with no choice, and you can't keep living like this. Maybe you leaving will make him finally get the help he needs. Please PM me if you want to talk, I still remember our long discussions from years ago. I'm praying for you.

  9. #23
    Registered User CPA-Kim's Avatar
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    Tracy, You are in my prayers. You need to leave BEFORE he gets violent. Get a restraining order on him and see an attorney, if possible. You are not safe in that situation. Take help from your daughter's boyfriend. That will be a start. You should not be afraid of going home.....it's time to find a new home. There should be legal assistance and domestic violence assistance available. He is abusing you emotionally and you deserve so much better. You deserve a life of peace.
    Kim
    The Lord will provide

  10. #24
    Registered User DivaTracy's Avatar
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    Well ladies what I did it was on Thursday I had to call the crisis center because he was destroying the upstairs bedroom (our bedroom) so I called the police and the crisis center and they came out and took him to the hospital for an evaluation, later that night they discharged him because they said he was not a threat to others or to himself.

    He then slept in the spare bedroom downstairs and I slept in my daughters bedroom with her, he woke up bright and early the next morning and left and he took my car which was fine I don't have a problem with that and didn't come back till later that night. When he returned home he was a little different he had done a bunch of shopping as I mentioned in my earlier post spending money that we don't have and noticed that he had taken $300 from the bank account.

    He came into the kitchen as my daughter and I got home because we had stopped at a store to pick up dog food later you know that same night and he was actually sane in a way not fully there but he was okay he proceeded to talk to Us, he said he stopped at the store and got us some candies and this that and the other thing and I still slept in my daughters bedroom but he did sleep in our bedroom.

    Today Saturday he woke up really early about 5 AM And was back to his manic state he left the house around 8:30 in the morning and has been gone all day I spoke with his oldest daughter and he has been there pretty much all day which is fine that's what I want him to do.

    I know this isn't the man that I married I know he has a problem, but he took off our wedding rings and threw them all over the bedroom and to destroy the upstairs bedroom that you couldnt even walk in it, is bad enough. He then proceeded to do a mass text to all his daughters including the one we have together saying how he wants his oldest daughter to get her one friend over so he can use her as a pillow how hurtful.

    He even went so far to change his Facebook status to separated and I'm truly scared of taking the next step and the reason being is I really don't have anywhere to go we did talk to my daughter's boyfriend and he said the room is too small for two people and something about it's destroyed as in maybe the walls aren't finished or whatever. FML.

  11. #25
    Registered User ilovechocolate's Avatar
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    Call a women's shelter. They'll take you and your daughter. It's not perfect, but it will be temporary. You can live there till you decide where you can go. Don't look for the perfect place now-----look for safety and sanity.

    You are in a bad situation but you must act swiftly and courageously. Get out now.

  12. #26
    Registered User Brat's Avatar
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    Get you and your daughter out of there now... They have places where you can live and help with rent, deposits etc.. They will also help you with protection .. I know you don't want to but you have to for your daughter..

  13. #27
    Registered User DivaTracy's Avatar
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    This is all so hard for me I don't have any money and the shelters are full. He has his psychiatrist appt. tomorrow, so I hope he goes. If he doesn't we will lose our house and I will make a final decision. I am so frightened of the next step since I've been with him 23 years. He was my rock.

  14. #28
    Registered User Ayanka's Avatar
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    Tracy, get out. Because if you don't, he will eventually beat you up or worse.

    Last year I broke up with my bf that I lived with and was slowly losing it. I know it is nothing in comparison to your situation, because you must have a really close band with the man your husband used to be. The hardest part for me in letting go, was knowing that things would only get harder for him if I left him, but in the end I had no energy left and I just couldn't deal with it anymore and I told him he had lost me. I still have my voice without any intonation hunting me. Leave before you don't have the courage or the energy to do it anymore. A job might keep you warm and fed, but it doesn't keep you safe.

    Hugs, I know it is a million times easier to tell you that you have to go to do it, so I hope you find the courage to do it.

  15. #29
    Registered User frugalfriend's Avatar
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    Tracy, I am so worried about you. I am sure there is a shelter that would not turn you away, but if you choose not to go that route, you still need to leave, before he hurts you any further. His behavior is totally unpredictable and volatile, you can't trust him. You talked about a friend in NY that you could stay with if you needed to. Please call her today, work it out and make plans to go. Take a leave of absence from work if you can. I know this is SO HARD, but all of us here do not want you to become a statistic, sweet girl. Don't stay where you are in danger. Praying for wisdom and courage for you.

  16. #30
    Registered User Brat's Avatar
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    I know that has been your security for a long time but it is no longer. There are shelters that will take you and your daughter even if they are full because your life and your daughters are in danger. Just give them a call and they will get you set up somewhere. You can not tell him where you R. They have ways to get you to a safe place and a place to keep your daughter when your working.

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