Husband having manic episodes

**DivaTracy** · 02-02-2015, 11:56 PM

Just today he sent a group text to me and all 7 kids that he will be filing for a divorce tomorrow. I am so hurt.

part of me doesn't want to give up on us but then I don't deserve this either. He has a psychologist appointment tomorrow and hoping he goes.

I did speak with my friend in NY and her and her husband said their door is always open, now to look into transferring my job.

**frugalwarrior2** · 02-03-2015, 02:07 AM

So sorry to hear about this turn of events. But I am relieved I wont see you face on a yahoo new article or something.He cant help whats happening to him but you cant love him out of it either. Hope he goes. But watch him.
I hope you can work things so you can go live w/ your friends.

**ilovechocolate** · 02-03-2015, 09:42 AM

Concentrate on your child and yourself. I know you're hurt, and you care about him, but you have to care about that child more.

**LongTimeLurker** · 02-03-2015, 11:20 AM

Originally Posted by ilovechocolate

Concentrate on your child and yourself. I know you're hurt, and you care about him, but you have to care about that child more.

Absolutely...this is nothing new. He has been a problem for years...get her away from him!

**DivaTracy** · 02-07-2015, 12:52 PM

Just an update:

I'm still at home but we're sleeping in separate rooms. We've been riding a roller coaster with some days good and then some bad. I've changed bank accounts and he said he wants to take my name off his credit card YAY!

I'm looking into other options as far as where to stay if he doesn't see the psychologist on Wednesday.

I know most are thinking "why is she staying?" But I'm working on it.

**bonnotsm9** · 02-07-2015, 03:13 PM

Staying is a very bad idea. I know from experience that a person's mood can change on a dime when in the manic phase. You should get out asap.

**LongTimeLurker** · 02-07-2015, 03:47 PM

Originally Posted by bonnotsm9

Staying is a very bad idea. I know from experience that a person's mood can change on a dime when in the manic phase. You should get out asap.

Agree...Horrible idea.

He's had a few appts already that he hasn't gone to...not sure why going to one appt. would change anything anyway.

Blunt but with love:
-Why are you ok this behavior? YEARS worth of mistreatment.
-Why are you letting someone else control your environment, happiness or safety?
-Why are you allowing your daughter see this? She's learned that there is no way out of a bad relationship....no standing up for yourself.
-Would you want her to live in a situation like this? She already has learned that this is ok to accept from a spouse.
-Wouldn't you be horrified to learn she was letting a BF/Husband mistreat her & her future children?

**DivaTracy** · 02-08-2015, 07:45 PM

Ladies I so appreciate all of your comments. My daughter wants us to go but then again she knows that's not her father,or how he normally is..

Also he went to his first 2 appointments, first one was intake, 2nd was pre registration and the main one is Wednesday, this is the one that makes up my mind.

I know I'm crazy for staying and putting daughter in this, but she has been staying most nights at her boyfriends house so she's not seeing the grunt of what's been going on.

**DawnTheFlorist** · 02-08-2015, 07:49 PM

Hello DivaTracy,
I am so sorry you and your kids are going through this. It is so hard to take action if the threat isn't happening right now, but with this disorder, as you know things can turn in an instant. I hope you will plan to protect your assets. In my state, it is illegal to do distruction to your own property-meaning the cops come and put you in jail. They could do a psych evaluation on him. You can also call the cops and suggest that they "Baker act" him. You can go to the police department and take out a restraining order. He won't be able to come within a certain distance of you and your home or workplace. You could opt out of those hurtful emails by un-friending and changing email addresses and pretty much shoring up your side until you can get some real answers about what is going on.No one wants to go to these measures but sometimes- it is the only way.

**brenda67** · 02-14-2015, 07:39 PM

Just wondering how your doing honey?

**DivaTracy** · 02-18-2015, 11:09 PM

Well I am still here, we are kinda "separated" we sleep in separate rooms and according the the Dr. he doesnt need medication, which everyone thinks is a bunch of cra*, so in the meantime I am saving and doing me and same with my daughter. He tries to spend time with us but after the way he talked to us like we were garbage, we just dont want to. I feel bad "a little" but am learning to do for me and my daughter and not worry about him.

His episodes have diminished but who knows when they will come back, I dont want to be around for the next time.

**frugalfriend** · 03-11-2015, 05:30 PM

Tracy, how are you doing? Thinking of you . . .

**cab54** · 03-27-2015, 05:59 PM

Me, too, Tracy. Hoping you'll post soon about how things are going. I am among the people who think you are staying way too long for safety and for sanity. But let us know, anyway......

**peanut** · 03-28-2015, 12:39 PM

Hey Tracy. I hope you are okay. I am bipolar. I had a late onset in my 40s.

My question, because I know myself, is - Are you sure the doctor said he didn't need medication? Or did he just not fill the prescription? Are you going to the doctor's appointments with him? Bipolar people, especially those who are in denial, often refuse to take the medication because, well they're in denial, and if they've done any internet searches, know full well some of the side effects can be worse than the disease.

Also, I know you have it bad, and I also think you should leave for your and your daughter's health.

It took a long time for me to stabilize...10 years. I struggled with various medications. I even tried a stint off medication. I worked on learning about the illness and trying to find my triggers. Once I figured out my triggers, and developed coping skills to manage different situations, I was able to get help before things got out of hand. BUT I had moved from denial to questioning and decided to embark on a bit of a scientific experiment to see if I really was ill and what worked and didn't work for me.

That staring out the window...I used to stare into an empty fireplace for hours on end. That's when the paranoia sets in. The delusions. And the strange behaviour. But before that I'd have a deja vu kind of feeling about an event or person. That is my trigger. When that happens I know something's wrong...either I skipped my medicine by accident, or I'm under an unusually high amount of stress. I kick in my coping skills, medication, and place a call to my psychiatrist's office (if it continues for more than a day after taking my meds).

I hope this post finds you and your daughter in a safe place. It's not easy to walk away from a 17 year marriage, but it really is your DH who's done the walking with his email to everyone stating he's filed for a divorce. {{{Hugs}}} and take care... Let us know how you're doing.