A bit sad
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Thread: A bit sad

  1. #1
    Registered User larabelle's Avatar
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    Unhappy A bit sad

    I have posted several times on this forum about my family who are all Dave Ramsey haters.
    They laughed as I was trying to get out of debt and made fun of my frugal ways. ..well years have passed and I am out of debt and own my home outright ( By the grace of God) however my family member's situations have deteriorated.
    I always thought once I got to this point I would be so content which I am when thinking about my finances...But I am sad as how theirs has turned out.
    My parents are in their 70's with a truck note close to $600 and a new mortgage. They are living on a small pension and my mother is considering returning to work.
    My sister is also in mega debt and just found out her company is closing and she has no savings or plan. She is also not in the best of health.
    My brother recently almost lost his house due to debt, being unemployed and lack of savings.
    All these years and if only they had listened or even considered living frugally. I don't know how it all will end but it makes me so sad.

    Do you have relatives who make you sad when you think of their situation?
    Blessed and Highly Favored!!!!
    From $78K in debt to debt free and purchased a house and used car with 100% cash...God is sooo Good!!!

    Goals:
    New to me vehicle

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    Registered User Contrary Housewife's Avatar
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    Yes, I have a number of relatives who made poor life choices, not just in financial situations.

    As the old saying goes, "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink."
    Stop trying to organize all of your family’s crap. If organization worked for you, you’d have rocked it by now. It’s time to ditch stuff and de-crapify your world.

    If you're not using the stuff in your home, get rid of it. You're not going to start using it more by shoving it into a closet.

    Use it up, Wear it out,
    Make it do, Or do without. ~unknown

    Because we, the people, have the power to build a better future. KH

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    Not my side of the family-we are all the same savers and users of things until they beg to die.
    DH's mom used to find me so funny. She came over for dinner when we were young and complained the ham had fat on it and she couldnt believe I had a card table for a dinner table. She couldnt believe i just bought clothes to replace the ones that wore out,that we camped for vacation,That I hemmed my DH's pants,That I wore AVON,On and freaking on.

    Flash forward. She marries the 3rd time and fills her rental house w/ collectibles and stuffed animals and Christmas decor.?? They rent because they cant afford a house of their own. BUT they have a cleaning lady. They throw parties and run up their CC's and pay prime interest. Now she is shopping at QVC. She is over spending on too many toys for the kids.

    I am returning toys at toy-R-us for Geoffrey bucks I use for diapers after coupons,on sale. I am resaling the kids clothes to recycle for more clothes and make enough to buy DD a playhouse for bday #2. I am driving a new car we got by being frugal. We own most of the little house we bought. I am learning to cook better and better saving money.I make and bake Christmas gifts

    Flash forward. her business is going under and she is demanding Dh help out financially. I am oh no you dont!! We recycled pop bottles for Fri night ice cream while she went to fancy restaurants. We walked to the park while she went on long expensive vacations. She had to buy a trailer and give up 1 car. She showed us how she was shopping at Kmart. I showed her what I got at the used bookstore and library. She showed me the gold monopoly set she got at the auction. I showed her my garden. She showed me her new cocktail rings and jewelry from QVC. She whined she was lonely and bored. I told her i was too busy w/ the kids and my job to hang on teh phone. I suggested charity work-she laughed at me.

    Flash forward. I live in a paid for 2200 sq. ft house w/ 2 paid for cars. She had to sell her 2 storage units full of stuff she couldnt sell at her garage sale,her spouse had to sell his rental home and his boat in teh bankruptcy. #2 for each. She died penniless. She owed her lawyer. She left DH nothing. Her Dh still lives in the trailer his sister was supposed to have. We have a years savings put away and no debt for 6 yrs.

    POINT BEING-you made your choices and they theirs. You tried but in the end we all have to live w/ those choices. I dont feel sorry for them. My SIL lost her house and it contributed to the divorce. She had remortgaged to make payroll. Where we said NO!. And of course you can guess who was the evil witch to MIL. me its me. OH well. Laugh away people.

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    Registered User brenda67's Avatar
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    Hugs..

    I know quite well what you are going through as my dad is 69yr old still has a mortgage on his land that he could of easily paid off years ago..a $600 a month car payment and credit card debt..He is his own worse enemy as in being a millionaire a couple times over and spent or lost every dime he made..no retirement, no savings no nothing really...He works I don’t even know how many hours a week in NYC as a operating engineneer making $53 a hr and still doesn’t or hasn’t learned to save or do anything to make it where he can retire..He has hit rock bottom many times and still hasn’t learned.

    I’m so glad that after going through a really rough bumpy road that we were able to save our house and learn from our mistakes...I don’t want to be in my older years worrying how we are going to be able to live or pay a bill..I think about this constantly and plan to make sure this doesn’t happen to us.

  6. #5
    Registered User larabelle's Avatar
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    Thanks Stillfrugal...you are exactly right they made their choices...sad but true.
    Blessed and Highly Favored!!!!
    From $78K in debt to debt free and purchased a house and used car with 100% cash...God is sooo Good!!!

    Goals:
    New to me vehicle

  7. #6
    Registered User larabelle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by brenda67 View Post
    Hugs..

    I know quite well what you are going through as my dad is 69yr old still has a mortgage on his land that he could of easily paid off years ago..a $600 a month car payment and credit card debt..He is his own worse enemy as in being a millionaire a couple times over and spent or lost every dime he made..no retirement, no savings no nothing really...He works I don’t even know how many hours a week in NYC as a operating engineneer making $53 a hr and still doesn’t or hasn’t learned to save or do anything to make it where he can retire..He has hit rock bottom many times and still hasn’t learned.

    I’m so glad that after going through a really rough bumpy road that we were able to save our house and learn from our mistakes...I don’t want to be in my older years worrying how we are going to be able to live or pay a bill..I think about this constantly and plan to make sure this doesn’t happen to us.
    Brenda I so agree I also don't want to be in my older years worrying about how I am going to live or pay a bill. A coworker recently told me she really wants to retire however a couple years ago she and her husband sold their affordable little house and built a house in a more affluent area. She now is worried how can she make her mortgage payments if she retires...by the way she is close to 70 years old. She has never handled her money well.
    Blessed and Highly Favored!!!!
    From $78K in debt to debt free and purchased a house and used car with 100% cash...God is sooo Good!!!

    Goals:
    New to me vehicle

  8. #7
    Registered User larabelle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Contrary Housewife View Post
    Yes, I have a number of relatives who made poor life choices, not just in financial situations.

    As the old saying goes, "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink."
    True True...I am just soo glad there are a couple states between us...cause it would be painful to see the consequences of their actions on a daily basis in person.
    Blessed and Highly Favored!!!!
    From $78K in debt to debt free and purchased a house and used car with 100% cash...God is sooo Good!!!

    Goals:
    New to me vehicle

  9. #8
    Registered User MsMarieH's Avatar
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    While I have a small amount of sympathy for them, for the most part, I don't worry about people that have made poor life choices.

    Sometimes things are thrust upon us (like medical or house fires or whatever), but all too often, it's a series of small poor choices that leads to the final outcome of life.

    But I also know that "there but for the grace of God, goes I..." so I try to hold my tongue on the subject.

  10. #9
    Registered User larabelle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MsMarieH View Post
    While I have a small amount of sympathy for them, for the most part, I don't worry about people that have made poor life choices.

    Sometimes things are thrust upon us (like medical or house fires or whatever), but all too often, it's a series of small poor choices that leads to the final outcome of life.

    But I also know that "there but for the grace of God, goes I..." so I try to hold my tongue on the subject.
    Yes , Ms. Marie...as I KNOW if I had not physically moved away from them I would be just like them. Thanks for the reminder....
    Blessed and Highly Favored!!!!
    From $78K in debt to debt free and purchased a house and used car with 100% cash...God is sooo Good!!!

    Goals:
    New to me vehicle

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    Registered User thriftyramblings's Avatar
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    Oh man. I hope you find the strength to get through this and also your family too. I have been in that situation before. Dad has no job nor retirement funds, mom gets by on minimum wage, I earn just enough to support myself while sister still in school. The only thing I am thankful for is that we have no debt. Sometimes, I even had to eat super frugally to get by every month.

    I hope everything will turn out alright in the end for you...

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    Registered User CPA-Kim's Avatar
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    I don't think I was ever "frugal" but I was smart with money and made it work for me. Most of my relatives are very frugal and I can't think of any of them who have taken on debt, except for a mortgage. In my family, education was the key to financial freedom. Not just any education, but degrees that could sustain earnings.

    I was the first one in my family to earn an advanced degree but all my nieces and nephews used education AND hard work to own homes, have investments, and develop financial plans before they were 30. My 29-year old nephew is a Certified Financial Planner. His wife is a nutrition counselor. They've worked hard, have two lovely daughters, and just bought an investment property for cash. His parents taught him to be a producer before becoming a consumer and he had his first job at age 10. They were taught to work toward scholarships at an early age. Both his parents came from lower-income households but their parents were frugal and modeled hard work.

    I don't agree with a lot of what Dave Ramsey preaches but I do think his plan has a place and that is for people who are not disciplined, already in financial trouble, or unable to earn good money.

    OP, it sounds like some of your relatives could benefit from a financial plan, whether it is Dave Ramsey, Susie Orman, or someone else guiding them.
    Kim
    The Lord will provide

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