Combining Finances with Partner Who is Not Great with Money
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  1. #1
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    Default Combining Finances with Partner Who is Not Great with Money

    My partner has been teasing marriage for some time. I love her but I am afraid of how she is with money. She doesn't earn a lot which I am fine with and she as a giving person but is too overly generous for instance, she recently got a $15K inheritance, but after paying off some debt has spent through the rest of it. She will purchase things like accessories, tattoos, and extravagant gifts for her child then struggle to come up with bill money at the end of the month.

    What scares me the most about potentially combining finances is that she regularly gives money to her siblings who struggle to pay their own bills because they spend money on things like cigarettes, booze and pot.

    Am I right to have these concerns? Should I hold off on marriage because of this or at the very least, still keep our finances separate? I don't want be essentially be supporting her brother beer account with my hard earned money.

  2. #2
    Registered User Contrary Housewife's Avatar
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    Mar 2007
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    You two should talk. Does she know of your concerns? How does she feel about setting up savings and budgeting plans? You especially need to talk about financial gifts to relatives and setting limits. She's not going to change her habits unless she sees the need to. I'm guessing that right now you are covering her shortfalls, so why should she. You may be physically compatible, but you need to be financially compatible before you start talking marriage.
    Stop trying to organize all of your family’s crap. If organization worked for you, you’d have rocked it by now. It’s time to ditch stuff and de-crapify your world.

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  3. #3
    Registered User larabelle's Avatar
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    Sep 2007
    North Texas
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    I agree with Contrary Housewife and might I add if you are having a concern with her now, and she is only your significant other, you WILL have a problem with it later when you are married.
    Blessed and Highly Favored!!!!
    From $78K in debt to debt free and purchased a house and used car with 100% cash...God is sooo Good!!!

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  5. #4
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    Aug 2016
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    How is your income? Can afford this precious treat? Can be MUCH better just shacking up for a while so she cannot sign up for debts you both must pay back (meaning you pay back). I recommend you have extra money available each month to place into savings before you make this housing change so you can afford a 'family'...Also keep this in mind about the kid - you have to afford to be able to take care of this kid's financial needs as the child support is kind of a 'gift' and should not be counted on EVER. If you do move her in, FREEZE your credit with all three credit bureaus so she cannot try to open up line of credit or credit card under your name or pay for a credit monitor service so you get notice if the woman is snooping your banking/credit.

    Hold off two or three months and enroll you both in Financial Peace University at a nearby church. Dave Ramsey can REALLY build up some security and motivation for some people in debt or came from poor background where broke all the time was normal.

    Can also intentionally save up some money each month and next time she is in trouble at end of month or car repair emergency, explain how you saved up this money every month.

    These emotional spender issues, atypical depressives, are a tough lot to fix up...It is just months and months of no money worries and everything she needs. Then sometimes you can make some money changes...

    Do what you can to keep the debt down...Cash for splurges/trips/car maintenance/car repairs. Cook at home and teach her...You take leftovers. How much clothing can you wear? Lots of compliments. Do own yard/maintenance/cleaning.

    Best of luck!

  6. #5
    Super Moderator josantoro's Avatar
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    Dec 2011
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    I would not hitch my wagon to this star until you are both on the same page financially. Money, sex, and in-laws are the 3 big problems that will break up a marriage. Agree with the FPU or other financial education.
    Make America Kind Again.

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