Second chances

**Jaded** · 11-08-2007, 12:58 AM

My ex BF wants another chance. He just wants to start completely over as friends. I'm willing to try, but I'm very skeptical.

What do you think of second chances? Do you know any that have actually worked? Everyone I know who ever went back to an ex isn't with them now. Didn't work the second time either.

**HandyMom** · 11-08-2007, 01:19 AM

I tried it once and never would again. Once I am done, that's it. I walk away without looking back. But that's just me. I've had too much drama in my life to start backtracking.

**Ceashels** · 11-08-2007, 01:34 AM

I think you should be sceptical. "A leopard can not change its spots." If there were behaviors and attitudes that broke you up the first time what is stopping them from reappearing. Would you be doing all the work in maintaining/nurturing the relationship? And you should ask yourself what is in it for you? And what does he get out of it? If he gets more out of the friendship than you... it isnt worth it to you.

cynic at large

**JustJoy** · 11-08-2007, 08:40 AM

I'd avoid it like the plague!

**jamie79** · 11-08-2007, 09:21 AM

run for the hills!!!!

**kittykatstrong** · 11-08-2007, 09:33 AM

I hate drama so I would avoid it.

Katy

**LexTysMommy** · 11-08-2007, 09:34 AM

I tried it once. Never again. We tried 10 years later and still didnt work. My ex husband been talking about it and as much as it would be good for kids, I know we will still have problems!

**powerfm1** · 11-08-2007, 09:54 AM

There is a reason that that person is an ex.

**Dancing Lotus** · 11-08-2007, 11:14 AM

Jaded- is this the guy who said he wasnt ready? Is this the one that said he really cared for you but wasnt ready to get serious becuase he wasnt over his ex? If its this one then I would say that if thats the only reason You arent with him then maybe a second chance would work.

**leezza** · 11-08-2007, 11:46 AM

Possible if he wants to fit himself into your life, in other words make him work for it!

But, personally I would think long and hard before I did this specially if he hurt you the 1st time.

JMHO,
leezza

**Jaded** · 11-08-2007, 11:55 AM

Well, I took a plunge and went over last night. We just watched a movie, and ate a quickly put together snack (shrimp and french fries) and generally had a nice, peaceful evening at home. He kept his hands to himself, and was very gentlemanly. I told him at the end of the evening that this kind of evening was all I had asked for the first time.

The first time around, I made some mistakes too. I was sort of rebounding from my last relationship, and he was not over his ex. I think that if we start out as friends, which he is totally willing to do, we might get back to something, but maybe not. At least we will have salvaged the friendship, and that is really important.

Maybe it was just "wrong time, wrong place" last time. We'll see. He really is a good guy, and we both have issues, as everyone does. I'm mostly concerned with building the friendship right now, and he's resigned to that (if not happy). He knows no Hanky Panky until I make the move.

We'll see.

**Kitten20** · 11-08-2007, 01:28 PM

IMO it depends entirely on why he is your ex. People don't usually change. (I didn't say never...) If your break-up wasn't b/c of major differences or his attitude/behavior, etc. then I would consider it.

My DBF and I took a 3 month break from each other. At the time, we did not consider it a break and pretty much thought the relationship was over. We both made some pretty big mistakes. We did not speak at first, but eventually started talking again and one thing led to another... which led to us giving it another try -- but only for a "trial period". Well... it's been 1 year and 3 months since we started our "trial period" and we're still together.

Sounds like a great night w/ your ex. Hopefully things will continue along that path.

Building a friendship first is important (to me, anyway) b/c I think your partner should be your best friend.

**FrugalMomof3** · 11-08-2007, 03:04 PM

Why can't you guys just be friends? That way no hurt will be involved, otherwise I am with the other ladies and think you should look the other way.

**Jaded** · 11-08-2007, 04:29 PM

Originally Posted by FrugalMomof3

Why can't you guys just be friends? That way no hurt will be involved, otherwise I am with the other ladies and think you should look the other way.

Well, right now we ARE just friends, and I've made it clear that may be all we ever are. I just feel like we never really got a chance to do it right the first time, with all the stuff happening in both of our lives, and both of us just out of relationships.

Anyway, I do want to be his friend, so at least that is salvageable.

**Libby** · 11-08-2007, 08:09 PM

I believe in second chances whole heartedly. But they have to be well deserved/earned. A person has to change and grow up on their own accord and realize it on their own as well. This could mean a month went by or 10 yrs. As long as that person has comes to terms with themselves and is accountable for their actions from the past. Maybe they've had a life altering moment and realized their mistakes? Who knows.

If theres a specific reason you two broke up - will that reason affect your 'new' friendship? Sometimes the 2nd time around IS better. I say just try it and see where it goes, take it day by day.

I truly do believe in second chances and the few times that you do give them out there's gotta be a reason why....

Up to you to navigate and figure it out.

Best of luck!