Need some advice...

**happimommi** · 04-13-2008, 10:57 PM

I had a friend that I was very close to, but after a business deal that didn't go well (no money was involved, she didn't get her way and was extremely angry that I wouldn't cave in) the friendship was ended with her saying some extremly hateful things to me. We attend the same church and in the 2 years since this has happened her attitude towards me hasn't changed. She and her family will be moving out of state soon. She walked up to me today at church and said "Since you aren't busy during the day, you can come and help me pack and get ready to move."
Now.....what would you say to this? She said this in front of a large group of people. I honestly don't know what I said. I looked at DH and his face was so funny....I didn't know his eyes could get so big!!!
So my question for all of you is.....what do I do when calls asking me to help pack? She is a packrat and her house if filled to the rafters. I am a SAHM but that doesn't mean I sit around all day eating bon-bons and watching soaps. What do I do?

**forHISglory** · 04-13-2008, 11:12 PM

If you want to help her pack and you want to bury the hatchet, then do so. If you are not interested in helping her, simply say that you are busy.

**Lady_V** · 04-13-2008, 11:24 PM

You are a SAHM... and you aren't 'busy all day'??? Is this woman off her rocker, or does she not have kids of her own???

You ARE busy during the day... you are a Domestic Engineer and you can't get the time off at such a short notice since you have a rather delicate client (your kids).

You were friends, as in past. You said the friendship was pretty much over, so do you feel as if you have an obligation to help her? If she was still a friend, I would say, have a packing party... but coming back to you 2 years later and expect you to just dive right in.... blah

Sorry, I don't think I offered much advice as what to say to her, there is always the old stand-by... "No, I can't help you, I have a previous engagement" and take the kids on a picnic.

**StartingOver** · 04-13-2008, 11:26 PM

If I understand it correctly you were very good friends at one time...this might be a good time to talk things out before she moves, who knows when you will ever see her again, if ever.

Maybe this is her way of extending the olive branch, she wants to come over so the both of you can patch things up?

**latierra84** · 04-13-2008, 11:29 PM

this is just me, but if she called and asked me when i was coming over... id say... um what? sorry, i cant. - with no explanation. but thats just me.

**StartingOver** · 04-14-2008, 12:22 AM

I've been thinking of your situation on and off all night. I'd like to share a story.

I had a very good friend since childhood...we did everything together and when we married and had kids and went separate ways, we still kept in touch. We had a BIG falling out 5 yrs ago, and never spoke to one another again. I found out she was in a car accident and died. I've never forgiven myself that I never tried to salvage our friendship. There were definately more good times than bad, and right now I can't even remember all the details of our fight.

**happimommi** · 04-14-2008, 08:58 AM

Part of me feels I should help because its the Christian thing to do, the other part of me is wary of her motives. She is a huge gossip and the only other time she has been friendly is when she wanted information on a mutal friend that was having a difficult time.
If she wasn't still bad mouthing me behind my back, I really wouldn't mind helping out, but I don't want to get into that situation again.

**lwlynch** · 04-14-2008, 09:02 AM

I agree if you want to patch things up and it would make you feel better.. go help for an hour or so.. otherwise, dont worry about it

**jamie79** · 04-14-2008, 09:13 AM

I would run in the other direction

**tbs727** · 04-14-2008, 09:44 AM

The fact that she told you to help her rather asked you to help tells me that she just wants to use you. If she wanted to make amends she would have been more respectful. IMO. Don't do it because you feel obligated, but if you really do want to mend the relationship you could go over and see how it goes. You have the freedom to leave if she gets hateful. Good luck!

**Holly** · 04-14-2008, 10:11 AM

Just forget her ,she's bad news. I know been there done that.
You have more inportant things to do...
jmho

**LexTysMommy** · 04-14-2008, 10:23 AM

I think she is trying to be hurtful. No way would I help or offer an explanation. Now if she said " I would really like to spend some time with you, and talk before i go, maybe you can stop by to talk while I pack" then I may have. She sounds deceitful and you dont need extra stress. Write her a letter and send it before she moves if you have some things to say to her. Good luck!

**happimommi** · 04-14-2008, 05:30 PM

I am really thinking that I don't want to have anything to do with her. I think I will follow my gut instinct and if she calls, tell her I am busy (which I am) and not feel guilty. I have helped her plenty in the past, including taking care of her and her family while she was on bed rest with a pregnancy. I know that others in our church are helping her quite a bit and for my own sanity, I just can't get caught up in her drama and gossip again. I really didn't like the person I was when we were friends.

**magaka** · 04-14-2008, 06:16 PM

I think that sounds best....because there are right ways of doing things and wrong ways. If it were me and she had done that I would have been MAD because it would seem to me that she was making little of you 'not busy during the day'. I would think that if she was wanting to work things out before she moved she would have come to you one on one or called and said something along the lines of 'hey-miss you. wanted to talk before I move to get things worked out, but am in a crunch for time. Would love it if you can come to see me while I pack.' But to put it the way she did-it just seems wrong....so I think you staying away would be best for you. And you need to take care of you and yours first!

**Frugal Nurse** · 04-14-2008, 08:48 PM

Honestly? If went down like you said... I don't think she really meant it.
What I mean is.... I don't think she REALLY wants you to help, what she was trying to do was to insinuate that you are SAHM (Sitting At Home Munching bon-bons or something).
That, dear SAHHM (stay at home happimommi), is what she was inferring.

She won't call you- not to worry.
If in the event that she does, I'd mention the important client(s) you were not able to cancel.

Best of luck