Tips to simplify a mom's life
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  1. #1
    Registered User andrew's mom's Avatar
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    Red face Tips to simplify a mom's life

    I thought that after finishing grad school and some big projects at work, my life would become simpler and more relaxed. However, I feel just as stressed out as before. I am trying to not take on any more "duties" but somehow I always find myself with very little personal time.

    Do you guys have any tips for an overworked mom?
    I trully want to simplify my life but I need some help.
    Thanks.

  2. #2
    Registered User TigerGirl1226's Avatar
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    Well, not knowing details of your life I will offer a few things that I *try* to do. I stress try because they don't always work out.

    • Have the kids/spouse help, Mom doesn't need to do it all by herself
    • Pick up things as you go, if I let it linger it will just plant roots and stay where it is (this goes for anything, the vacuum, bills, etc)
    • Pace yourself, in my house *everything* is never done...it's a fact of life, prioritize and go from there
    • Remember perfect only exists on TV!! lol

  3. #3
    Registered User andrew's mom's Avatar
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    Thanks TigerGirl,
    You are totally right, picking up as I go is a biggie for me. I hate cleaning and although I have someone come clean every 3 weeks, it's the time in between that's rough. I guess I can let my husband take on more. He always offers but I sometimes feel guilty if I'm not around the baby in my free time. I work full time so I feel bad if I don't spend my free time with the little one.

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    Registered User Momto2Boyz's Avatar
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    I take it from your posts that you are a "new" mom. As your kids get older, things do get easier, so to speak. When they are first born, you feel that you have to be there constantly, but as they get older and a bit more independent, life does get easier!

    You need to actually carve out time for yourself. Whatever day you find yourself with the opportunity for free time...take it! When my kids were little, DH MADE me take an hour every sunday afternoon, and head out of the house by myself. Some days I went to the library and read, some days when money wasn't so tight, I'd hit Starbucks with my book and just sit and have some quiet time. I always felt guilty doing it, but it really did help me recharge my batteries.

    You just need to realize that things will never be perfect as someone mentioned above! Do your best do get things done, then do your best not to fret about what isn't done! There really is an art to balancing life and family, and it takes some time to adjust...so don't fret! You'll get there!

  6. #5
    Registered User DJ1972's Avatar
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    I always felt like I was on the run, and when I wasn't, I felt guilty. I went to part time, my kids got older, and I am not nearly as anal about my house....all that equals a less stressed me. Getting over the female guilt of needing to do it all was the big obstacle for me. I no longer apologize if there is a load or 2 of laundry to be done, or if there is a dirty dish in the sink, or if I need a couple of hours to myself. Life is too short to be frazzled all the time.

  7. #6
    Registered User andrew's mom's Avatar
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    Thanks all,
    Actually I had a good conversation with my DH. We are very different when it comes to energy levels and how we want to spend our free time. He's very much a social butterfly and I am kind of a loner. I work with people all day so the last thing I want to do with my free time is be around more people. I have felt guilty saying no to social events but from now on I will ask myself if I really want to go and do something before I commit. I think spending time by myself without the baby and the husband will give me the much desired relaxation without the rushed feeling I have every day.
    Thanks a bunch.

  8. #7
    Registered User savvy_sniper's Avatar
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    Schedules and routines will help alot! I don't have kids, BUT I cared for my elderly mother for 5+ years. She had many medical problems, dietary restrictions, and Alzheimer's. Having schedules and routines were great for both of us.

    I am also a major list maker. THAT helps me lot. I also carry a notebook in my purse and write things I want to research, price, look for, get more information on, need to pick up, drop off, learn, etc. Some days I can't remember my name; so my notebook and lists keep me from going crazy. I have a HUGE calendar in my office and write EVERYTHING on it. Hubby KNOWS he can find all sorts of information IF he looks at it - LOL!

    ASK your hubby what household chores he can take on (that way it is his choice and he will be more likely to follow through). THEN let him do them!

    A little me time is VERY important. It doesn't have to me a big block of time and you don't have to do anything major - a bubble bath, time alone to read a book, go for a walk, etc. Heck, I only had a caregiver ONCE every 2 weeks for a couple of hours. A couple of times I actually didn't have anything I NEEDED to do, but I was sure going to get out of the house. I went to the bookstore, Famous Footwear, Bed Bath & Beyond (they were all next door to each other) and just walked around. I didn't even buy anything!

    Also remember you are NOT superwoman and you can NOT do it all. Prioritize, plan, don't sweat the small stuff, etc. It won't happen over night, but as you get more organized you will feel better, your hubby and kids will learn/know what the routine is, etc.

    GOOD LUCK!

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    Registered User Thevail's Avatar
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    When my daughter was 6 months old, and I was losing my ever-lovin' mind, I called my mom in tears over this very problem.

    I shall quote her forthwith!

    " Oh honey don't worry... there are only two kinds of mommies... perfect OR sane!"
    Last edited by Thevail; 05-19-2009 at 05:29 PM.

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    Thevail, I love it! Perfect or sane... Can I be imperfect and insane?

    A friend of mine asked me this past weekend what I do when my infant is crying, how do I manage to get anything done... I have three kids under three, and someone is always crying (or it feels like it some days). I told her what my Dr told me when I was going crazy with a colicky newborn... he said a few tears will never hurt them. Be sure they are safe then go in the other room turn on the radio and be alone for a bit, or set the timer for 15 min, let the kids fuss and clean. It is amazing how just a few min can re-group the day.

    Hope you gain some sanity, or at least learn to be happily insane

  11. #10
    Registered User Thevail's Avatar
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    My mom had 4 kids under 7 at one point.

    I was the first one.. I have allergies because she literally boiled or bleached everything I touched when I was a baby.

    By the time the fourth one, my baby brother, was born six and a half years worth of diapers, bottles, and colic later...

    My mom would say things like

    "honey, go stand on the linoleum for a minute, you're bleeding on the carpet"

    "Of course your pizza can be dusted off honey, it's the last piece..."

    and my favorite... " stop sneaking it to the dog and just eat the damn broccolli... it makes the dog barf!"

  12. #11
    Registered User hotprincesscm's Avatar
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    Ok, this may sound like a bit much, but Flylady.net...It's a wonderful program. It can be overwhelming at first, but basically the motto is even if it's a little bit, and not perfect it still helps your family. The site helps you set up routines and schedules for the basics that need to be done around your home. It's really a lifestyle change. A different way of looking at things. And you start with "babysteps" to get everything in place. Good luck, we are all rooting for you!

  13. #12
    Registered User andrew's mom's Avatar
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    Thanks all, especially for the encouragement. It feels really good to belong to a community and to know that I'm not the only one trying to keep it together. I have made a decision to let my husband help more and detach a little more from my baby. I can still have great quality time with him but not lose myself completely. With a first baby it was really hard to let him be away from me especially since I went back to work full time. But now that he's almost 9 months old and I just stopped nursing him I feel that I am ready. I think some time just for myself when I can go to the library, window shopping or just be out of the house will go a long way.
    Thanks a lot everyone. I really like this community.

  14. #13
    Registered User elphie's Avatar
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    I would suggest that you be careful about what comes into your house and get rid of some things you don't really need. Life is so much simpler now that we have less clutter. In our house anything new that comes in must IMMEDIATELY find a home, if it doesn't have a home it must go back or something else must go the yardsale box and forfeit its home. My kids are finally on board with this but I wish I'd started this idea for them when they were much younger.

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    Registered User MaryCarney's Avatar
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    Learned a valuable lesson when I was 40, with two teenagers, an 18 month old and a newborn. Every time you say 'yes' to something, you are saying 'no' to something else. Just that awareness was very comforting somehow.

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